A
male
age
51-59,
*hristopher422
writes: Well im in a situation, i had a married woman at work who wanted to have an affair with me. I was very attracted to her and it took alot of resisting on my part to get away. She wouldnt let go, she wouldnt stop playing "games" with me at work. I tried to get away/end the situation numerous times, but my intense attraction to her caused me to experience "serious inner conflict" I both wanted to end the affair and stay in it at the same time (i did not sleep with her, i had my chance but didnt) So i decided the only way to end the "game" was to take our realtionship to the point of no return ( which means..i seriously pissed her off ) It worked, she sent me 5 text messages one after the other, in which she attacked my manhood, mental health..you name it, she said "game over" Well thats what i wanted, to be done with that and get my life back..no more wierd affair, no more texting, no more flirting..no more nothing. I dont have any experience with "jilted lovers" or "married women" but i think im in a strange situation maybe bad situation....when i went back to work today i found that she had chosen a new "victim" and is taking every opportunity to make me uncomfortable (i work very closeley with her, i cant avoid her at work)and if looks could kill, im pretty sure id be dead. Now as far as i know i did the right thing, (allthough i went the long way around)i didnt want an affair, i wanted a real relationship, with an unmarried woman. I need some advice on whats going on? and how to deal with it? will this go away by itself,is she gonna leave me alone?
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affair, at work, flirt, married woman, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, christopher422 +, writes (4 July 2009):
christopher422 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well so far it has worked out, i got my shift changed, where before i worked with her 4 days a week, now i only will have to see her 4 hours at a time twice a week..so its all good, apparently she has given up on me, but thats what i wanted.
I realized she is basicaly a "slut" found out she has other guys going on at the same time, wasnt to suprised to find this out.
When i look at her now i dont feel so much attracted as disgusted..how could a person be so warped and twisted?
But im thankfull i didnt sleep with her, i think i like myself to much to allow myself to used and discarded simply for a moments pleasure..i got away..feels good
thanks all for your advice and concern..........:)
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 July 2009):
 M bet is you aren't the first dude she had tried this with, and not the first one to say NO either. I'm thinking you have a very good chance of getting another shift.
Let us know how it goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): A shift change could also be good if it is open. Use your best judgement. I am more confrontational than you, chris, so I would face the broad down, myself, devil take the hind part, but, do what you feel is best for you.
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A
male
reader, christopher422 +, writes (29 June 2009):
christopher422 is verified as being by the original poster of the question ok, thats alot of good advice, heres an option? they have a position open in the mornings, which would put me in a situation where i would never see her. Normaly they probably wouldnt let me go, cause that would be a hassle to them..(company has like 300 employees -mart) but it would solve my problem, now if i went to my assistant manager and told her i was experiencing a "hostile work enviroment" and needed to be removed from the situation that might work ( i mean how could they say no? you gotta stay where you are, in time things are gonna get better? )
But heres the catch, i feel guilty? i played her game and ended it 3 times on the basis of "i dont wanna have sex with you" "i just wanna be friends" and so forth, but she would text me or manipulate me at work and i found my self right back in the game within a week of telling her "no more" im no angel, i was having a serious "moral conflict" and the 4th time i ended it for good by basically telling her she was a whore and she better just leave me alone and pretend i dont exist (did that on purpose, nothing else worked, figured i needed to make the relationship irreparable) so i feel guilty, because i wavered so much, though i didnt sleep with her.
I dread going to work now, the atmospere is very negative, alot of looks, silence and out right malevolence on her part by starting a new game with a manager (for my viewing pleasure) in an area where i cannot avoid them.
Am i in a hostile enviroment? do i have a legitimate problem that would constitute switching shifts or would they just look at me and say "listen buddy, alls fair in love and war"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 June 2009):
Any chance you can get transferred somewhere she isn't? She seems a little psycho. As bad as I feel for the new guy she is chasing be glad the heat is off you.I would actually go find another job, and one you have a new job let the old job go. If they ask for a reason you can either be honest or fib. I can not imagine that no one know what she is doing there, which makes me wonder why she isn't reprimanded.Be ecstatic that you didn't sleep with her.Good luck,
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (28 June 2009):
 As she now has another victim she could be a serial offender. Such a person can be bitter and make life impossible but it may also mean she has a reputation for such behaviour or known as someone to be aware of so to speak, so you may have some history on your side. if the problem becomes more serious you need to speak to your supervisor or department manager or someone you can trust in the organisation. They should be sympathetic as such conflicts will impact on performance and reflect badly on them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): If you can move to another job without losing income, seniority, etc. then that could be the best thing. But, why should you lose income because of this retardate? I would face her and tell her that you will go to the bosses if she keeps this crap up.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 June 2009):
Eww psycho! This may not be exactly the help you want, but you can always file a sexual harassment suit against her or even for a hostile work environment. Just because she's a woman, it doesn't make any difference. As I learned in my sexual harassment courses at work, it goes something like this: any situation that a "normal" person would find uncomfortable is terms for harassment. And they can't do anything to you for that, because that's also illegal. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, christopher422 +, writes (28 June 2009):
christopher422 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, what about getting another job? its not a carreer its just a job at a department store, this has been going on for months and im totally exhausted
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): This happens, chris. It has happened to me. There are some women that must have the attraction of another man to "validate" their womanhood, attractiveness, whatever. It is the same as with some men. Some of them, like your "friend", can be really nasty if they are rejected. They will be nasty at work...and will start stories about you being impotent, gay, etc. I can't advise you as to how to handle it. I would just let my supervisor know what the situation was. You are not being a "tattle tale" by doing this. You are just covering yourself. I am all for women being allowed to work at any job they can find and do, but, some can definitely be a royal pain.
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