A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend now for 8 months, i am 27 and he is 28, and he is very sweet and kind and very caring. Recently, well today I was discussing perhaps moving in together in the future. I am living with a roommate and he is living with his mom and is paying rent. I'm looking for a 1 bedroom in my area, so that would be around $1200 lowest for an apt. He said, ok, i'll pay 400 and you pay 800, because I have a car, that costs more, and right now i am very offended. Right now he has the car and he drives me everywhere, and he loves driving, that's his form of relaxation. If we more to this area, it will cut his commute to work in half, and he wont have to drive 20 mins and back 20 mins to see me. I am just upset that he thinks i should pay double his rent if we were to move in together. We work together so he drives me home too, but i always say, I can just bus home, but he said, but i want to drive you, so why do I have to pay for his car expenses? Right now i am upset at him, but i am not telling him why. What should i do?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 It is really very simple - it is HIS car, he bought it, he wanted it therefore it is HIS responsiblity to pay for it. As you said, you are happy to make your own travel arrangements and will happily use the bus. So he cannot force you to pay for something you do not want, own or have any responsibility towards.
If he cannot afford the car, then that is his problem and he needs to sort it out. As PurplePayne has said, he has some right to ask you for fuel money because if he is driving you around then it is costing him more in petrol but that is the only thing he can ask you for!
So what you need to do is talk to him - explain that it is not your car therefore it does not come into consideration when chosing where to live together. Tell him that if you do live together the rent will be split 50/50 because you are sharing a house - the car does not come into it.
If he cannot afford to move out from his parents AND have a car then you are just going to have to either look for a cheaper place or re-think moving in together. Cars are very expensive but he has to be able to manage his own finances, and if he cannot afford both rent and a car then he needs to sort this out himself.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, wee_neko  +, writes (4 October 2010):
Tell him you'd rather bus it than pay for a car that's not yours. If it's still not clear that this request was a little wtf, then explain it slowly in small words.
If he WANTS to drive you, then he can drive you. You don't NEED him to drive you, so you don't NEED to pay him anything.
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A
female
reader, PurplePayne +, writes (4 October 2010):
i think you need to talk to him about it. It.s better to fully undertand where you stand before you decide to live together. Personally i think it's ridiculous that he thinks you should say more. It's his car and he chooses to have it. I could understand if he was asking you for fuel money but you should not have to say double his rent. Maybe he's worried about being able to afford his share of the rent. Talk to him and find out
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A
female
reader, PurplePayne +, writes (4 October 2010):
i think you need to talk to him about it. It.s better to fully undertand where you stand before you decide to live together. Personally i think it's ridiculous that he thinks you should say more. It's his car and he chooses to have it. I could understand if he was asking you for fuel money but you should not have to say double his rent. Maybe he's worried about being able to afford his share of the rent. Talk to him and find out
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): It sounds as though he has been very thoughtless, and I am not surprised that you are offended! It is completely unfair to suggest that you should pay double the rent just because he owns a vehicle! Apart from anything else, you have to consider the possibility that you might split up (I know it's not a nice subject, but you do need to be practical and hard-headed). Rent is money 'down the drain' - if you guys split up, you would walk away with nothing to show for that $800/month, whereas he would have his car as an asset, because you would have been subsidizing it!
I suggest that you sit him down and say, without anger, that you have been hurt by his suggestion, and that you don't think it's workable or fair. Point out the difference in terms of assets. However, you could also add that you do realize that you ought to make a contribution towards the cost of running the car because it's clearly an expensive drain on his finances and you are getting some use out of the fact that he has a vehicle.
There are basically two options for you financially:
1. You pool your resources, and decide that you jointly own everything and will jointly pay for it all. You pay half of the cost of running and purchasing the car, and he pays half the cost of the flat, and you buy anything you need jointly. If you guys split up, you agree to sell the car and divide the cost between you. This is a BIG commitment, however, and after 8 months it's probably too early to do this. Soooooo option #2 may be better....
2. You each pay half towards the cost of the flat, and you make a contribution towards the running (but not purchase) cost of the car, i.e. you pay something towards the petrol, tax, repair bills etc. and you have use of the car when you need it. But you don't contribute to the purchase price of the vehicle, and it remains his in the unfortunate event that you guys split up. Anything you buy is clearly purchased by one party, you keep a record of this, and in the event that you split up, ownership is clear.
As this suggests, you need to develop a clear financial understanding of your relative positions, because if you do move in together, you may well acquire a number of new items (furniture, bed linen, cookware) and it's important that there is a clear, fair understanding of financial contributions towards these things, and of who owns what. If you are really worried, you could actually get a 'living together agreement', which defines this relationship in a legally binding way, outlining who owns what and who contributes what in future.
I know it's terribly unromantic of me to think about the possibility that you guys might break up, but I speak from bitter experience when I say that you need to protect yourself. My ex boyfriend robbed me blind, and took everything valuable I owned because I didn't protect myself in a similar way. I would hate to see that happen to you.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (4 October 2010):
 It's his choice to have a car, not yours. It would be different if you both shared it equally, but it sounds like that's not the case. If he can't afford both it and the rent, he shouldn't have a car at all.
I suggest you point out to him why this arrangement makes no sense. How would you possibly benefit from paying for part of his car expenses? It's not your car, which means it's not your responsibility. Besides, he'll be saving money on gas with a shorter commute anyway.
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A
female
reader, PurplePayne +, writes (4 October 2010):
i think you need to talk to him about it. It.s better to fully undertand where you stand before you decide to live together. Personally i think it's ridiculous that he thinks you should say more. It's his car and he chooses to have it. I could understand if he was asking you for fuel money but you should not have to say double his rent. Maybe he's worried about being able to afford his share of the rent. Talk to him and find out
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