A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. We don't live together, but he spends the night some, and he does little to help me around the house because it is not "his place". He is 35, I am 41. I have been married before, and have two children, he has never been married and has had very few previous relationships.In a nutshell,here are my issues for concern: 1)He rarely wants to have sex with me; instead choosing to watch his favorite TV shows until it gets too late and I have to go to bed due to my early alarm clock. He doesn't think sex is important to a relationship. I am very attracted to him and want him all the time. What is wrong with me that the one I am crazy about is not crazy about me??2) He believes that if he told me once that he loved me and told me how he felt about me once two years ago, that should be enough and there is no need for further romance or heart-revealing.3)He makes me feel stupid for expressing my needs of needing affirmation, romance and sex. The more I want to discuss the issues with him, the more turned off he gets. Says that I nag all the time and it creates too much "stress". He thinks that there should be little cause for arguements and love just "happens".4)He has little interest in my children. He is nice to them, yet rarely attends their social functions and never has gotten them gifts for birthdays or graduations. He tells me he only attends functions sometimes because he is supporting me.5)We share little interests. He is all about TV and sports. I love the outdoors, and hate just having a tv on for noise. I envy other couples who I see out holding hands and communicating (something we do little of).I love him, eventhough sometimes I don't know why. He says he loves me yet is always insisting that he has to put up with "so many of my problems". (I have some health and depression issues). I have split up with him before but keep going back..I don't know what to do. Feel like it is all my fault for not being satisfied just because he is a good, faithful and loyal man. HELP!!!!
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 May 2012):
 It's not easy to believe in love when it seems so elusive for many years, it's so easy to lose hope or get involved with people who arn't suitable for the sake of not being alone.
If there is one thing I have learned in my life it is that life can change direction in a split second. Nobody knows the future or who we might meet. Telling yourself you won't ever meet 'the one' seems like a pretty efficient defence mechanism from pain but really it just causes more pain. It's better to live with hope rather than fear, to look up and not down.
Those times when you are feeling at your most desperate and loneliest, well those are the times you need to be most hopeful.
I know this to be true as I have faced many difficult times in my life, suffered personal torment with negative thinking and telling myself 'this is it'...and then something comes out of the ether to change my life and joy comes around again.
I say this so many times on DC, 'If there is nobody there to love you, you have to love yourself'
Becoming embittered and mired in your own sadness will push you down further and that can repel people away from you.
You are in a bad and unsuitable relationship...you cannot move on to something better until you get out of the mess you are in now. You don't have much to lose do you?...so take a leap of faith, love yourself, treat yourself like a princess and your path will lead you to a much better place.
Good luck xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your insight and advice! I understand now that everything you have said is the truth about my relationship. I was in denial big time. Just really hard to deal with a two year relationship that started out so well going sour, especially at my age. Not so sure that there is ANYONE out there for me as I have been divorced for 12 years and haven't found a keeper yet.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (9 May 2012):
Well you are accepting an unsatisfactory relationship. How long this goes on for depends on you. He will not change.
I worry that you seem to think he is all you can get, and that you should put up and shut up.
My view is that if you are not getting what you need from this man emotionally and physically, then you would be better without him.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 May 2012):
Good faithful loyal man...yep yep!!
Giving you what you want and need?...or using you for a convienient comfy life where he has to make very little effort and not show you any love and affection?...
Personally I wouldn't stay in a relationship where sex was off the menu but that's because sex is very important to me. It don't matter how much you are attracted to him and how much you love him, the bottom line is that he is treating you badly.
Take it or leave it...cos he ain't gonna change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): You two don't really enjoy this relationship. The relationship isn't enhancing your lives. You're just using each other's presence as a security blanket to avoid being alone. But in truth there's nothing more isolating than being lonely from within a relationship. That's worse and more damaging emotionally than being lonely because you are physically alone. At least in the latter case you don't have to deal with confusing mind games and being kept off balance all the time.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 May 2012):
 He loves you in his own way but you have many disagreements on relating. You go back because you thought you couldn't get any better men. It is better to be single than to have a person there watching TV, ignoring you while you clean the kitchen. You can see why he never married. Everything is stressful for him. His idea of love is having a woman around and knowing that her presence is there every day. While yours is more normal, that you need affection and intimacy. You can break it off now or wait till you are so love starved that you fantasize about other men wanting you. You are the older one yet you want more action and passion, while he seems like he is at a retiring age.
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