A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend hurts me when we have sex. I'm a small built girl and quite skinny and he's a whole lot heavier than me. He lies down ontop of me and puts all his weight on me. He grinds his chest into my boobs and literally drags my nipples down my chest. It really hurts and I can't breathe. He will grab my skin or boobs and squeeze them so hard that it hurts and he will get my legs and bend and stretch them, again with a lot of force and push on my bones so they feel like theyr gonna snap. It just hurts. The week before my period I get extremely sore boobs and when he grabs them and I tell him to be careful he gets nasty and says I'm always moaning. I have told him so many times that he hurts me, but he does the same thing. He's even makes snidey comments about sex. I can't understand it. If my partner told me that I was hurting them and I they didn't like it I would stop.simple as that. So why won't he?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 @anon male reader : ?? The point of the OP's post is that she has already told him, time and again, that he is hurting her, and he just ignores her, in fact he gets nasty. I think it's rather clear from the context that when the OP says " he says I am always moaning " she means " he says I am always COMPLAINING ".. ( Btw when someone grabs and squeezes your tender ,sore breasts, chancers are you will yelp or squeal, or say WTF:)...not give out soft erotic moans...) Also, that MOST women want dominant partners in bed is open to debate , I think, but anyway to be dominant and taking the lead in bed does not necessarily mean inflicting your partner physical pain. The rule ( both of erotism , and of simple courtesy ) is not to hurt them UNLESS they explicitely ask you .
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): He may be abusive, or he may be confused. You have to find out.
You know, my wife keeps asking me not to be a nice boy in bed, and do the same things to her that your boyfriend does to you! In fact most women prefer a dominant sex partner. If you don't, you have to tell him.
If you don't tell him, don't expect him to understand that just because he hears your moans. Most women moan during sex. Some moan like they're crying. some moan like they're in pain. some even scream. but they are actually enjoying sex.
Just tell him in plain words. If he didn't listen, then he's abusive.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 Uh he's abusive. I thought at first you just haven't let him know you are in pain. But you have, he doesn't care, says you complain too much and does it anyway. That is abuse. Why doesn't he stop? Because he cares only about his pleasure and your pain won't stop him, your "moaning" about your pain turns him off. I know if I told my husband I was in pain the position or what he was doing would stop immediately. I wouldn't need to take action to stop it and he wouldn't continue and tell me to stop whining. Your boyfriend is terrible, dump him.
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A
female
reader, FRICAN  +, writes (12 October 2012):
pack your bags and leave before its too late. he is a greedy , self centred , sadistic bastard...you deserve more than that...if he respected and loved you, he will be sensitive to your needs and feelings but he isnt, so y do u put up with that shiitttt??????
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): "So why won't he?"
Why would he? You're all talk and no action. As far he's concerned you're just whining about nothing because if you really didn't like it then you'd actually just stop him instead of moaning about it. I mean you must like it because you haven't stopped him, what reason has he to think you don't? Because you said so? but then you still spread 'em and don't stop him, so your actions contradict what you're saying. If you don't like it and asking him hasn't worked then why do you not just push him off and not have sex with him until he agrees to be more gentle?
The answer to your question is simple: because he can and you're not going to do a damn thing to stop him.
My question to you is you doing nothing about it? It's basically like moaning that a screwdriver isn't working on that nail and then still trying, instead of just getting a hammer.
The screwdriver hasn't worked OP, time to hammer it in.
Make him stop and if he tries it again, no more sex and probably no more relationship either.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (12 October 2012):
 Well he sounds like a pig and I am really not sure why you've put up with it/ him.
Honestly, he sounds sadistic.
If he won't stop then you should stop having sex with him.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 October 2012):
 Boy Howdy you actually have allowed this to happen more than once????? And since I suspect the rest of your relationship is less than stellar I'd either use the door or show it to him.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 October 2012):
 "So why won't he?"
Because like SVC he sees you as a thing to put his penis in, not as another human being. You can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't view you as a human. He is not your partner, he is a sexist user. This is not a partnership.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (12 October 2012):
 This guy is treating you like a rag doll, dump him and find someone who respects u in and out of the bedroom, he doesn't care a single bit about you, and this will only get worse if u stay with him
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A
female
reader, confusedasusual +, writes (12 October 2012):
One thing I have learnt from my past abusive relationship is love doesnt hurt. If he loved you he woudl never do anythign to make you feel pain. He doesnt respect you or care enough to take you into consideration.GET OUT now before it gets worse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): Sounds like a jerk. I wouldn't be with anyone who didn't respect me or my body. I'm sure it is physically and emotionally difficult to deal with your problem. I would leave him if he refuses to be more gentle. Obviously he only cares about his own pleasure. I'd try pinching and hurting him. Maybe he likes it and you can distract him! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2012):
 he won't stop because he does not care about you...
all he sees you as is a vessel to insert his penis into.
if you want to continue to see him, then you will have to be very VERY proactive and treat him like the animal that he is behaving like.
today you tell him this:
"From now on when we have sex and you hurt me and I tell you to stop and you do not I am getting up putting on my clothes and leaving (if you live in the same home then you should go to another room). I will consider having sex with you tomorrow to give you another chance. IF you hurt me again and I tell you to stop and you do not I will get up and leave for TWO DAYS. IF it happens a third time it will be THREE DAYS. IF YOU CANNOT LEARN that I am not your handy penis holder and you must treat me properly eventually I will leave you forever. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
IF he says yes... then give him a chance. He won't change but at least you know you tried.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 October 2012):
 Because he doesn't care?
He still gets laid and honestly, if he gets his rocks off why care about you?
I assume you have told him it's not pleasurable for you? That he is hurting you? Correct?
So my question to you is this, WHY are you with him when he doesn't give a crap about you?
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