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How can I stop dreaming about a threesome with my brother in law? Do I have to stop?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 October 2012) 1 Answers - (Newest, 12 October 2012)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Help, My Brother in law turns me on but I don't want to have a threesome.

I've always liked the idea of threesomes, I even tried two when I was younger. One mmf and one mff. Neither one was as good as imagined. My husband had never had one before but also loves them and that's pretty much what we always talk about to make us hot. We've been married 9 years. I used to always just pick friends of his that were far far away (in another country) to fantacize about but one time a friend of his came to visit and we had a very hot night of oral sex. I didn't go all the way with him but we did a lot of stuff. The problem then became that we all loved it and enjoyed it so much he wants to take it farther.

A couple years ago we moved from out of state to the place where my husbands family lives. We stayed in his brothers house for about 6 months. My brother in law flirted with me and one very drunken night told me he wanted me. He was so upset he was shaking so I hugged him and told him to get some sleep but I told my husband about what happened the next day.

Both of us started thinking about my brother in law differently. He is very attractive. He looks exactly like my husband only taller and skinnier. Now we have been talking about him for two years. We spent 6 months with him then moved out of state and we just came back and stayed with him again for a few months. Our bedrooms were next to each other and I know he listened to us having sex in our room.

This time while we were staying there he sent me an explicit text and told me what he wanted to do with me. Then he said sorry I sent it to you by mistake. He even called me once to tell me (while drunk) that he knew I wanted him too. I didn't say anything, also he was on speaker phone and my husband heard everything. We both get turned on knowing he wants me. Now when he comes to visit all I can think about is jumping on him. I want to dress nice for him, cook the food he likes and make him happy.

I love my husband to death, would never cheat. I wouldn't do anything behind his back or without telling him. The problem I have is that I love this fantasy. I love the whole idea of the three of us being together. I even love the idea of living with both men and taking care of them both. I literally love them both just not the same way.

But But But......... I don't wanna do it!!! My husband knows I love it and wants to make it happen. I'm very happy to just think about it when I'm horny and that's it. I don't want to physically do anything.

Is there a way to get out of it after all these years of talking about it and getting worked up over the idea?

I've tried explaining its just a fantasy and that it wouldn't work out good for anyone. My husband just thinks if we all want to do it then we should. He even gave me permission if I wanted to be alone with him because he isn't sure if his brother will mind being in a threesome. Again I told him I don't want too.

Is there a way to show that I can want something but not actually WANT to do it??

View related questions: drunk, flirt, horny, moved out, oral sex, text, threesome

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A male reader, C. Grant Canada +, writes (12 October 2012):

C. Grant agony auntCheck out some of the other questions that relate to threesomes on DC:

http://www.dearcupid.org/keyword/threesome

What you'll find is a signifcant number of people who wished they'd kept it a fantasy. That's all you need to tell your husband -- that this works really well as a fantasy, and that you're not interested in taking the risk that goes with doing it for real. After all, if something goes wrong, there's no going back. Stick to your guns.

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