A
male
age
41-50,
*iceGuyLast313
writes:Hello to all Aunts and Uncles!Really need your help here! I will try to be as detailed as possible as I want to try and give both sides of the story so apologies for what might be quite a lengthy story. I had been single for about 2 years. Anyway, a few of my friends AND family said it was about time I found someone. So a couple of friends suggested I join a dating website. So I did. A few months passed and no one really took my fancy. Then just as I was about to give up on it. This lady contacted me and I thought she looked quite nice. Anyway, one thing led to another. We met and we immediately hit it off. We arranged to see each other again, and again, and again. Anyway after about a month I realised I had started to have feelings for this girl. Actually if I'm being honest I really fell for her. She was amazing in every way. We got on so well! It just felt right. Then I noticed at the end of last week the texts had become less. The phone calls had become less. I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. So it was late last Friday night and I hadn't heard from her. I knew something was wrong. Anyway, I went on to this dating site and sure enough she was on it. So trying to do the right thing. And because I didn't want to argue. I thought I was doing the right thing. I phoned her and told her how I felt. But I then told her I couldn't see her again. I was not expecting the reaction I got. She burst into tears. Anyway, I never mentioned anything about the 'website'. But after about an hour of talking on the phone she asked if I'd been on the internet and on this 'website'. She asked me why I hadn't said and that she was just 'curious' and that nothing was going on and she told me she would come off of it. I said I would like that. She told me that she had feelings for me too, but she didn't think I was interested, and she didn't think I was going to hang around.Anyway the following day it still didn't feel right. I went back on this website and sure enough she was on it again. So I admit i maybe done the wrong thing, but I set up a dummy account. Got one of my friends who is a really good looking guy to help me out. I contacted her and sure enough she replied and we set up a date. I couldn't contain myself anymore and I confronted her about it! She said she done it because she was convinced I was going to leave her anyway after the previous night. I told her how I felt again, but I told her that was it.Since then she has bombarded me with phone calls, texts, emails. She hasn't stopped! She told me she has closed her account on this website. I have even checked to see if she has other accounts. Even on other websites. And there is nothing. She's told me she didn't reliase how much she actually likes me and she has even uses the 'L' word! But what do I do? Do I give her a second chance? I know it's very early in the relationship. Part of me wants to, but part of me doesn't. Over to you guys!Thanks in advance for all your help! :)
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (5 August 2012):
 Hi
One of the downfalls of the internet is the amount of choices and the temptations there are, especially for women.
If she has removed her profile and your sure she has and not just hidden it,then give her one last chance. It can't hurt,and you like her. I do think her behaviour is a bit suspect as you don't appear to have neglected her so she had no reason to think you would dump her. It could be she has had bad experiences from online dating.
If you have any doubts just talk to her, ask her whats going on. Keep your radar up,take it slow,until you feel you can relax again. Her OTT declarations of love seem a little bizarre for a well balanced person!
Hope it works out for you.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (5 August 2012):
You two need to sit down and have an in depth, honest and open conversation about what you are looking for in a relationship, religion or lack thereof, political views, pets/allergies, whether you want children and if so how many, whether you are dating for marriage, hobbies, food preferences, career outlooks, educational outlooks, what you view as cheating, and whether you both want to have an exclusive relationship starting now.
You need to have this conversation and figure out if you both are potentially compatible on these basic levels. If you are, then i think you should give her another chance. (There is a good possibility that she has low self-esteem or is depressed and truely believed you weren't interested in continuing to date her because other men had rejected her at around the one month point.) Because she has shown renewed interest in you after you assurred her you were really interested in her, you should at least have this discussion in person (maybe over coffee).
If you are not compatible when it comes to things like whether you want children, religion, or politics you should probably see other people. If you have differences in other areas, you both need to decide whether you feel too strongly to compromise, or whether you could compromise (for example, if she has had a cat or dog as a companion for six years, and you are allergic to her pet. She has expressed she will not give away her pet. would you be able to compromise and live with medicating you allergies or would you want her to compromise and give away her pet even if she doesn't want to?)
These things are important. What may seem like little issues now, can become relationship-breaking problems in the future if you do not discuss these things now.
Explain to her that you really like her and are genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with her if you are compatible. Explain that the situation involving the dating site has caused you to second guess everything and instead of beating around the bush any longer you would like to have an open, honest, and personal conversation about your potential relationship as soon as you both could possibly schedule a face to face meeting. Explain that you want know without any doubt whether you both are compatible before either of you becomes more emotionally invested.
Then see how things go from there. Best of luck.
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