A
female
age
30-35,
*issSamanthamary
writes: my boyfriend and i havent been getting along the greatest ill tell you why after i get throught this, after almost everyfight we have i talk to one of his friends ,lately it seems like his friend is hitting on me.. im not attracted to him at all but he keeps throwing thing out there like i have nice boobs and shit and he even implyed that he wanted to have sex with me.... its really wweird for me cause i dont like him hes just someone to talk to but i think he feels differently , i told my boyfriend about what he said to me and he got really mad and wanted to fight him ,i understand why he got mad but he doesnt have anything to worry about cause im not the type of person to cheat , im a nice person so i dont want to be like fuck you to his friend i just dont want him to hit on me anymore , what do i do ? and should i feel guilty for this?i find porn really repulsive and degradeing , i tryed watching it once(like a year ago ) not to like get turrned on or anything just to see why every guy like ever watchs it , i didnt find it in anyways arousing it kinda made me mad watching it ...anyways i found out my boyfriend has been lieing to me about it and watches it regularaly, i also found him messageing other women on my yearbook.com , i confronted him about it and stuff , i posted a prevois question about all this but i wanna no what to do if he does it again , wich im very sure he will casue he lied to my face before and i never suspected a thing..so i wanna no how many think he will watch it again and lie to me?and i wanna no how many of you think i should leave him if he does?i also wanna hear anyother imput you have casue its killing me to be suspicious all the time?[mod note: combined two questions from same poster]
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female
reader, missSamanthamary +, writes (6 January 2010):
missSamanthamary is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just wanna say thanks to both of you that commented , your adivce really helped, the chances of me leaving him are slim to never , i just hate the lies thats the only reason i was even considering it but thanks to both of you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Reality check- first, most all guys look at porn with some frequency, and it has nothing to do with you, his love for you, his enjoyment of your body. It's similar to reading a cheap novel... put entertainment, titillation, seeing something so weird that one would NEVER ask a GF to participate in... or something impossible.So, he may continue to lie about it, or tell you that he does it 'occasionally'- or he may come clean and tell you that it's a daily thing... who knows.I do NOT think that this is grounds to leave him, and odds are HUGE that you're never going to find a man who abstains from looking at porn. If you do, he may not have a healthy sexual appetite... but who knows... I don't think a love of porn is Mandatory for a healthy sex life, but I think that finding a man who shuns porn is a rare thing.If you leave him, please find a better reason...The IM thing has me more concerned- as I personally believe that contact of this nature is the first step to a hook up. Lies about this stuff is coming close to a line that shouldn't be crossed.I suggest you figure out what your rules for being in a relationship with him are, discuss them and let him tell you if he's willing and able to do that. You need to be prepared to negotiate. If you dump him, you need to give the next guy the rules EARLY ON...
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (6 January 2010):
 If the porn isn't affecting your relationship, like he's more interested in porn then you then the porn would have to stop. If he just does it because thats how he gets himself off then you can leave him but its not your business to force him to change. If he has to lie about it (chances are he will cause he won't stop watching it) then I don't think you two are meant to be. Sorry for being so straight forward but most of the time porn betters or just has no affect on the relationship.
With his friend I don't think he is that mad at you but he will have to confront this so called friend of his.
Also the messages on the website could be a problem but he may just be talking to friends. Alot of guys prefer to talk to women. It just seems so much easier and they are more understanding. You would have to talk to him about this one but these trust issues don't look good for the relationship.
I hope both of you end up finding a positive solution to this.
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