A
female
age
30-35,
*innnboo
writes:so me and my bf have been together for about 4 months and since then things have really changed. I feel like he doesnt like me as much and hes recently become kind of ruder to me. not exactly rude but he has gained a lot of attitude and i feel like we get into conflicts a lot now...it used to be perfect. I dont know if this is because he has gotton comfortable with me or that he feels that he doesnt have to try anymore cause he knows he has me now. My question is should I kind of back off a little? think he doesnt really have me and that he has to try more? I hate playing games but i feel like i have to. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (10 February 2011):
well in light of your more recent post, I think it's completely unacceptable for him to treat you this way. this is verbal abuse. Read up articles on the internet on verbal abuse, it's not acceptable in a relationship because it really hurts the other person and thus kills the relationship. And if you allow him to keep doing this to you, eventually it will wear away your self esteem and affect you in other areas of your life.
No one deserves to be treated with contempt and disrespect and the more you allow it, the more you are showing him that it's OK to treat you like this because you're still sticking around and accepting it. thus he'll never stop doing it, and you will continue to feel crappy because of it. If you decide to stay but fight back with your own verbal abuse, that's not going to be productive either it will just turn into a constant war, and you will have stooped to his level and turned yourself into something you don't want to be.
Does he talk this way to his friends? to his parents? to his boss? to people he cares about and respects?
It's unacceptable to treat people like this, especially people you love or claim to love.
you should leave him because there has to be consequences for unacceptable behavior otherwise there's not even any chance of it changing. You should also leave for your own emotional health so that you're not subjected to this verbal abuse anymore.
You can still get back with him in the future IF and WHEN he changes his unacceptable behavior and it's a permenanent change. But for now you shouldn't allow yourself to be treated like this, it's not good for you.
A
female
reader, rinnnboo +, writes (9 February 2011):
rinnnboo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay well to answer some of your questions, He's rude, as in like he'll tell me to shut up sometimes, or wait his favorite line when I do or say something "dumb" is "I think so much less of you now". He always says that, it's so annoying. I just feel like I annoy him so much and I am contstantly saying sorry to him for everything. Like I'll say something and I'm just joking and he'll take it literally and get pissed off and vice versa, it's kind of an endless cycle. And if I say something about it, it'll just start an argument. He doesn't talk to me as much as he used to...like when we're not together.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (9 February 2011):
Why play games? Why not just come right out and say what's on your mind? it will save a lot of time.
since this relationship is so new, let's give him the benefit of the doubt that he just hasn't learned or developed any relationship skills.
So, you help him to learn how he should treat you, by telling him that being rude is not something you want to deal with in this relationship.
Don't expect him to read your mind. If you back off because you want him to chase you more, he may not correctly read your mind that this is what you want him to do. He may instead think you're not interested in him any more and that he shouldn't invest in the relationship anymore. this would be the opposite of what you want. Or if he's also the game-playing sort, then he may respond by pulling his own weird behavior and now both of you are trying to read each other's minds. it would save a lot of time and energy to just be direct.
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A
male
reader, answerlessdreams +, writes (9 February 2011):
Don't play games! Tell him straight out what your standards are and stick to your guns. Do not ever lower yourself below those standards cause if you do - he will walk all over you. If he can't cut it, leave - it isn't worth the effort or time. Life is too short.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 February 2011):
Do you really think that playing games with someone like this will make a difference? Let me tell you straight, that no games ever work. Do not play games. Many a woman before you has tried to play games with a man, and every single one has failed. It will make no difference whatsoever, because he will either just dump you, or he will put on an act for a while, then slip back into his old ways.
Instead, you need to tell him straight that his behaviour has changed and that it has become unacceptable. Tell him you don't expect rudeness, tell him that you don't expect him to take advantage of you etc. He will either then get his act into gear, or he won't in which case you'll know he's not worth your time.
Just don't play games. He'll be able to blame you for it all if you do.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (9 February 2011):
Have you spoken to him about it? Coz you don't mention that in your question. I think it is quite common for people to fall in to bad patterns in relationships. What you need to do is talk to him and show him that what he says is rude and is causing you to be upset. Tell him he used to be perfect and you miss that. If he cares about you, he will want to adjust his behaviour. No need to play silly games.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): i think you should probably talk to him about it. you don't deserve someone that's rude to you, so if it's really starting to bother you and you're not enjoying the relationship anymore, than break up with him. you deserve better than that!!!
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A
male
reader, Leperic  +, writes (9 February 2011):
It depends, how is her rude? Is he rude like he would be with his "bros", or making over-the-top comments? It all depends on the jokes. If it's the first, he's just gotten used to having you around, and he feels comfortable around you, and you should just tell him that sometimes, the jokes make you feel uncomfortable. If it's the other, try and talk to him about it, or talk to his friends, preferably one you know, about it.
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