A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok.. this may get long winded so bare with me.. I am hoping some1 can either tell me im stupid or make me feel better. My girlfriend and I have been living together for 1 year. I have a child and she has help w/ the child by getting him from school when needed, keeping him when need, and helping with some finances when needed. Of course if you are a parent and reading this or know some1 who is a parent you know there is much more to parenting. Not saying that these things arent appreciated because they are... but she kinda plays a babysitter role in my opinion to my child. there are several things that a parent does that i dont ask of her.. and she just doesn't do. when u found out i was getting my taxes and she saw how much it was going to be she wanted to know if I was going to give her money for helping me through the year with my child. She says she paid out 1000 to 2000 over the year and what would 100 bucks hurt. I paid out 10,000 plus and a getting back 1500 for the "having a child" part of it. Honestly. I didn't understand it. I pay for things or her and fo us. I dont think I should have to just hand over money to her bc I have it and she helped some. She asks her friends and they say " it sounds like your getting the shaft.. u cant do everything and get nothing in return..fuck her" I ask my friends and they say " look she knew you had a kid when she started dating you, parenting is a huge part of her role now and you shouldnt owe her anything for that" She also has me send him and pay for a sitter so she can study..which when i told my friend this (which had a child and has some1 living with them) her response was wow, my partner would never imagaine sending her somewhere so she could study. she takes on just as much if not more of a parent role than I do. I would like to know am I crazy or is this normal?? Apparently I dont know what is or isn't normal in this situation and its starting to cause a lot of problems! Thanks a lot to whoever took the time to read all of this!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): I think you both need to sit down and work out your finances and decide who pays for what and when your partner will babysit. If you can't agree then you'll only end up angry and resentful to each other and it'll never work.
Personally I don't she should have to be doing that much for YOUR child, but only IF she's paying half the rent, electric etc. If she's not doing this then it's perfectly ok for you to expect her to help out with the child.
What your friends are saying about her realising that you have a child when she moved in and basically should now take care of it as her own is only an ideal and they're probably saying what you want to hear. I don't think many short term partners would actually do this. You might struggle to find a person who lives up to your expectations.
A
female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (9 February 2011):
 Sounds like she's a real winner. I dated a guy with a child and NEVER demanded money to watch his son! lol. I enjoyed being around his son and when our relationship ended it was actually the hardest part. You and your baby are a package deal and if she thinks you should pay her for watching the baby, she should start paying you for sex... fair is fair right? She sounds selfigh to me and all about what she can get. Do you want to be with someone like that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You guys for taking the time to read & respond to all of that!!! I just wanted to know if I was being stupid & my friends were telling me what I wanted to hear. B/c I dont want to be unfair.. But thank you!! Your answers really helped!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 February 2011):
Look, you won't like what I'm going to say, but I think you're letting this woman rule your child more than you. How dare she come into your life, knowing she has a child only to demand money and send the child away! More to the point, what the hell are you doing sending your child away to a sitter when you don't have kid that often! She's coming between you and your child on purpose, and you shouldn't allow it. At all. I'm completely with your friends here. I appreciate that she does some parenting, but it seems to me that she's just getting between you and your child.
I've got to be honest, I'd dump my girlfriend for this on the spot. No way would I be blackmailed into giving money, and definitely no way would I have my child with a sitter whilst the step mother 'studied'.
I think you need to re-evaluate the situation so you don't end up under the thumb and winding up with a resentful child.
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (9 February 2011):
 I don't think you should pay her any money. Your friends are right, she knew you had a child when she got with you. You and your child are a package, she can't have one without the other and I think it's disgusting that she's asking for money for helping out!
That's what you do when you're a family and as she's living with you then that's exactly what you are now. You should point this out to her.
She is in the role of step parent now and it's time she realised what a responsibility this is. Parents have a hard job and we don't get paid for it! Tell her straight you're not going to give her any money, she should want to help you out not expect payment for it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): I do think you are expecting too much if you depend on her as a babysitter (given the fact that she's in school...). She may have agreed to live with you thinking of you only as her girlfriend and was unprepared for the realities of you as a mother and taking care of a child. She is probably aware that you think of her in a babysitter capacity and she is probably irritated by that. Unless she was involved in your decision to have the baby in the first place, then she shouldn't really have to help out. She doesn't have to live with you either if you she doesn't help out or pay for rent. You could ask her to pay rent or kick her out. It sounds like you have two kids intstead of one.Is asking for compensation for taking care of a partner's kid a tacky gesture?Yes, but she probably doesn't know any better because she's young, looking out for herself, and doesn't have a long term interest in your kid. You should decide if you want to live with someone like that or not.
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