A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone.I really did it!!! I pissed off my boyfriend and now he isn't talking to me.Well, I have been staying with friends since separating from my husband. I am ready to go out on my own but I don't make much money with my minimum wage paying job in the hospitality industry. My ex offered to rent a place with me as roomies to help me with expenses. I told my boyfriend this and he flipped.I didn't say I would do it. I told him my ex offered. But my boyfriend is mad at me now and barely talking to me.Why is he mad at me about this? I told him I am not doing it. How can I smooth things over with him? I hope I didn't make a big mistake telling him? I was just being honest. Am I an idiot? I did not mean to hurt him. I just don't know what to do!!! :( It seems like he doesn't trust me or is afraid of getting hurt. He does have some trust issues from two of his past relationships.Any advice?
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male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (10 August 2012):
 This isn't insecurity, this is just a reaction than any normal perso
Would have if there partner mentioned that their ex was asking them to move in together, he's angry because you told him about it, it should not even of got that far, you should have said no straight away and kept this to yourself, sometimes honesty is not the best policy
A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (10 August 2012):
 Just to add my two pence, I believe your BF was mad, because from the way you brought up the issue with him, he may have perceived that you were actually considering the offer and wanted a reaction, or even validation from him... which just doesn't fly whether from a man or woman's perspective.
Everyone has given great advice here, but this, from my perspective as a man is why I believe he got mad. Which isn't to be inferred that I advocate for secrecy as far as certain details go in relationships, quite the contrary, it's just that our intentions or motives may sometimes be misconstrued in the way we communicate them to others.
So just give him some time to cool off and get in touch with him much later. You'll be able to judge where his heart is at
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 August 2012):
 Hold on a second.
You have a husband which you're separated from, right? Is your divorce final from your husband?
You also have a boyfriend now since your physical separation from your husband.
Now, your husband wants to financially support you, and your boyfriend flipped out?
Yeesh, this is the very reason why adding a third party into a relationship is so messy and unwise. You shouldn't be dating until your divorce is final. However, if you, like many people who would disagree with me on this point choose to date someone else believing that your husband and you have called it quits and are only waiting for legal confirmation, why are you talking to him about this???
You told your boyfriend. Why did you do that if you felt like it was a no go? If I were your boyfriend, I'd be pissed too, and this is a byproduct of your marriage not being fully resolved. If your marriage were fully resolved, your husband wouldn't be comfortable enough offering to financially support you, which isn't a "free lunch", but is given in the hopes of getting you back.
I would suggest that if you haven't lost your boyfriend over this, that you stop communicating with your husband unless it's legal business or involving your kids if you have any.
Otherwise, if you did lose your boyfriend over this, don't date anyone else until your divorce is final. Starting a new relationship when the old one isn't resolved is messy and unfair to both guys. I think your boyfriend is getting wise and thinking over finding someone else without this level of baggage.
Get your affairs more fully resolved is my suggestion.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 August 2012):
 I think that if you asked them, most boyfriends would not want to hear about an ex in any way, shape, or form. To me, it s less insecurity than it is an ex trying to woo you back into his arms (which some ex-boyfriends DO try to do by the way). I probably would not have mentioned it, but now that you have, I would apologize again to your boyfriend and tell him what you said here. You are sorry you hurt him, but you had no intention of renting from your ex.
I know if I was in this situation but the tables were turned(my boyfriend was not making much money and his ex offered to rent part of her place to him, I would be ticked), I would feel the same way. It's just in our nature to want to protect what we think is ours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012): It had nothing to do with trust issues necessarily. How would you feel if your boyfriend said he was moving in with his ex wife/ ex girlfriend? Even if it's officially just as roomies? Wouldn't you feel a wee bit insecure?
You are saying you went from your (ex) husbands to friends house, and now going back to the ex husbands. OK, to you it might just be a convenient living arrangement but I doubt this is how your boyfriend sees it, and maybe not how your ex sees it.
I don't think you made a mistake telling your boyfriend about your plans, as it is always better to br honest, but the thought of moving back in with your ex was poor judgement.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (10 August 2012):
 Your boyfriend is showing his insecurity, unfortunately.
You have TOLD him you have declined your ex-husband's offer to rent a place with you - by the way - was he offering to share a bedroom with you, or to rent an apartment with two bedrooms?? If the one-bedroom offer I can well understand your boyfriend taking a dim view of that.
Even so, it would be best to stay well away from any such offer, as you already have made clear you intend to do. You have told him, and that should be enough.
Would it be possible to find another woman to share an apartment with instead?
Anyway, hopefully your bf will calm down as he sees you are not going to take up your ex's offer.
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