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Boyfriend is HIV positive and we want children, so which man do I choose to be the father of my child?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 August 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 4 August 2010)
A age 36-40, * writes:

My boyfriend is HIV positive and we both want children...but i dont want to do it medically so i have to decide whether i want my ex or his friend who is married to get me pregnant. i weighed the options but i'm still confused...who do i choose? my ex doesnt want another man taking care of his child

View related questions: hiv , my ex, want children

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A female reader, fishdish United States +, writes (4 August 2010):

fishdish agony auntis it easier for your fiance to stand by and wait while you f*** another man? very confused by the logic. what is the reason that you're not interested in a sperm donor, is it money?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i didnt wanna go into detail but im about to be 22 and my fiance is 26. we just got a house together and are both working. i just finished college, now we are thinking about kids, i had sex with the married man before thats why it was easier choosing him. if i wanted to do it medically i would just do a IVF with my fiance's sperm.

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A female reader, fishdish United States +, writes (3 August 2010):

fishdish agony auntWhy don't you just get a sperm donor to donate the sperm, because (if I understand right) wouldn't that be very very hurtful to your bf/ relationship to make love to someoe you know in the hopes it gets you pregnant? what if it doesn't 'take' the first time and you aren't pregnant, will you have to have sex again? And you're cool with this rando married man cheating on his wife so you get pregnant? Going to a sperm bank will take all the emotionally painful logistics out of it.

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A female reader, GettingInYourBizness United States +, writes (3 August 2010):

GettingInYourBizness agony auntHey Girl,

Honestly, if your age is accurate 18-21, I think you should slow down.

How can you two want be at a point in life where you want kids but haven't even made the commitment to get married?

Personally, if you're that much in love with this guy than why not a wait a few years and see if you feel the same.

So much changes in your early 20's (I'm there, and approaching another b-day this month and when I look back this whole year it's wild on how much I've changed and the different views I've developed and how much more I know about myself and future plans).

I'd tell your BF you just need more time and you want to see how things go. You're young, most posters in our age group come on DC to talk about how to handle a unplanned pregnancy let alone coming online to find out how to have a successful one.

You're young, have a full life ahead you, focus on bettering yourself for a few more years and see what life has in store for you.

Think of it this way, take it as a test, if you're still together in a few years and in a more committed relationship (marriage) than think about kids.

Your entire post sounds extremely risky, you're asking aunts and uncles to give you advice on whether to have a child with a man that has a terminal illness (and not to have it done through medical facilities, etc) or have a kid with his friend, who's married - which point blank seem like both men seem like horrible options. Sorry

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

well i decided to go with the married man since i dont have to worry about having two man being there at the ospital or my child being raise by two fathers

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