A
female
age
51-59,
*omete
writes:I met a wonderful man 1 year ago. He is married with 3 children. During the past year we became close friends and I learnt that him and his wife were living together for the children and that they were no longer intimate and unhappy. Over time our friendship developed but never physically. One day he came to my house and told me that his wife was leaving. He also told me that he had feelings for me and that he would like to get to know me when his divorce was final. However, he asked for space to sort things out with his children and family. That was 4 1/2 months ago. He no longer emails. Also, when we see each other he is aloof yet still pleasant. I was OK with it at first but then I started to question the situation and if his intentions were genuine. I asked him to meet with me because I was hurt because he had pushed me away and he replied he was really busy with his job. I was upset and the next time I saw him I didn't know what to say or act or be. Now we don't email or phone and if I see him I avoid him although he always comes up to me and talks to me and tries to engage with me. Although I am not hostile I do not allow him to be close. I am now starting to doubt him and feel that I wasted the past 4 1/2 months waiting for a dream to manifest itself. Upon reflection I believe he was just playing with me and I feel like I allowed myself to be sucked in. Yet I still miss him because we were best friends. What shall I do?
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best friend, divorce, married man Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): I agree with the last poster...if you play with fire you will get burned!! Don't even think about having anything long or short term with this guy. He is still married and even if and when he divorces his wife, that doesn't mean he will automatically start loving or caring for you. Emotions aren't that simple you know...it takes time for people to get over someone..esp. if they loved them.
Stop living in fantasy world...you and this married guy are NOT best friends by any means. You are between the ages of 36-40...you are way to old to be carrying on in this manner about a married man. He is not your friend, he does not love you and he may never leave his wife and even if he did, you will only be a rebound for him because, as I cited earlier, it takes time to get over someone you love or have been with for a long period of time. Yeah, he maybe have told you all those things, but the truth of the matter is men and women will say anything when they are in emotional distress---they will cling on to anyone willing to listen or be that "emotional blanket" they are in need of. People are rarely honest about their marital situation anyways so the reason for the divorce or seperation is unknown in most cases. How do you know that it was his wife seeking the divorce and not him? Do you know why the divorce was sought? Do you even know if this guy was going to get a divorce to begin with? He was probably just going through a rough patch in the relationship and decided to seek attention elsewhere until the problems were resolved.
I think you know what to do and if you don't let me help you out LEAVE THIS MAN ALONE AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. It's that simple. I know you are probably hurt because, anyone can get emotionally attached to someone within that time. But you knew from day one this guy was married with kids.......you kind of set yourself up for this disappointment.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): Let it go. He is obviously trying to work on his marriage. Don't interfere. Do you really want to be somebody who would wreck a family?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): Play with fire and you will get burnt!!! What right did you have to mess with a married man, who by all accounts fed you the lies and you believed it. Get a grip woman, re-read your post and then figure out why you behaved in such a pathetic manner!!! Sounds like he's made up with his wife, who he probably had no intention of leaving in the first place. I despise women like you!!!
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