A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years...hes been a rock in my life..but since our baby arrived 18 months ago his shown me an aggressive side to his nature and recentely that aggression has gone on me...what do i do ...hes becoming a monster and i no thats not his nature...do i let go or find the route to his sadness thats causing him to be this way Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 F..k the route to his sadness. Let that for his shrink to find, you are no shrink or social worker or spiritual counselor. You are a mom. If he takes his aggression out on you, you leave, today. If you don't care about yourself enough to protect yourself, you still though must protect your 18 months old kid. Both from the possibility of being battered one of these days, and from the certainty of growing up in an environment where domestic violence is tolerated and condoned.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 First off, if you are in danger -- real physical danger -- you need to get out TODAY. Hotheads like your boyfriend keep pushing the envelope until one day they go a little too far. You,or your child, could wind up severely hurt or even dead. On any given day you can find an article in the paper where a woman who had 1000's of chances to leave couldn't muster the courage and winds up dead.
There could be lots of reasons why your boyfriend is getting aggressive. He may not have wanted the child, he may be resentful of being a grown-up now and having responsibilities, he may have financial issues, or it could be his true nature coming out. All of these are NOT justifications in becoming violent and to be honest even if you solved the problem, another problem will eventually surface and he'll likely resort to violent behavior again unless he gets professional help (or has a religious experience)
I would highly suggest therapy for you at the minimum and if you can convince him, seek it out as a couple. I think by talking to a trained professional you'll be able to uncover the reasons why he is getting aggressive and hopefully give him some tools in dealing with his anger. If you go solo, the therapist will be able to determine whether you are in denial or whether your relationship is salvageable.
I do hope you take some sort of action. Your situation is serious (if I am reading your question correctly) You should not be subjected to violence and abuse -- ever.
Please don't let me read about you on the news.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (15 November 2012):
This one really depends on how aggressive he is being and how much it’s affecting you. If he’s physically aggressive then you are unsafe and you need to get away from him. If you’re talking about him being snappy and bad-tempered, or argumentative, you could try talking to him. Having a baby brings about a big change in your life and maybe he’s not dealing with that very well. If you can safely stay with him, then what you do about it will be determined by how much you want to save this relationship. If you think it’s come to an end, leave. Otherwise, try and talk with him when he’s relatively calm. Ask if anything’s troubling him and tell him how his actions make you feel. A relationship counsellor might be able to help you both have this conversation.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (15 November 2012):
 You can try talking to the guy, but if he's aggressive your not safe and neither is the baby (who subtly will pick up on the abuse).
Try communication and let him know he needs help with his emotional issues, your not a punchbag, see what he says... if he's willing to talk about it, or partake in a form of therapy that is stress relieving....
If his answer is insatisfactory you may want to consider giving the
relations a break for the sake of your mental well being and for the baby, all come first and are priority.
Goodluck!
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