A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, it's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. I am 32 years old, just married to the most amazing man ever: we are very much in love. Today I found out I am pregnant, despite being on birth control (how is that even possible?). Anyway: I can't sleep because my husband and I have been discussing over Skype whether to keep this baby or not. The reason why we wouldn't want to keep it is because we're currently in a long distance marriage (he lives abroad). Moreover, we're in the middle of applying for a permanent visa overseas (we would like to move abroad) and this means a lot of bureaucracy and trips abroad- which we wouldn't be able to go do if we had to take care of a baby as well. So, my question is: should we keep the baby and give up our dream of moving abroad? Should we keep it and abruptly end our long distance (meaning he's gonna have to find another job)?.Please help me: I am so confused and scared and overwhelmed by this incredible mess. I could really use a word of advice from you aunts.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (16 November 2012):
If you plan to have children in the future then keep it. Children always make life a bit more complicated but dont have to stop you doing what you want to do. They test your resolve and if you really want to do it you can, pregnant or not. You can fly until 8 months, and babies travel almost free until 2 years. Best to get to the country you want to be in and have the baby there. Best way to integrate quickly.
Of course if you really dont want children then you just need to see a dr asap.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 I think if this is not a good time for you to have a baby/having one will interfere with your life, then there is nothing wrong with an abortion. If you want it, keep it. If you are dreading having a child right now, then don't keep it.
You should make an appointment to talk to someone at a women's clinic/family planning clinic who can give advice in person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): My husband is from Hungary and i am a US citizen and we were faced with issue about 5 years ago when i became pregnant i thought my career, & dreams of traveling were over but, decided to let fate take its proper course and my husband and i have never regretted the decision. We now have a beautiful 5 year old little girl, Gabriella and i still have my career and have been traveling with her since she was 3 weeks old and it has been an amazing adventure.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2012):
 LDRs are so hard.
Raising babies is so hard.
unlike the male anonymous reader I don't see any red flags here at all.
just a HUGE SURPRISE!
IF you planned on having children later on, I suggest keeping this little one. Getting pregnant while on BC does happen and in my opinion (to make it easier to accept) there is a REASON you managed to get pregnant (which is not as easy as we would like to believe)...
I am very pro choice.... so it's not that I would have a problem with you having an abortion just because but in your case and with your reason I want you to think long and hard about this.
Yes babies are a LOT of work. but they also for the first year or two are insanely portable and easy to deal with.
My friend has an 8 months old (a big huge surprise as she was told she could NOT get pregnant and had not in over ten years of marriage with NO birth control)... this child goes EVERYWHERE with them including on the plane to England to visit her paternal grandparents when she was 3 months old...
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (15 November 2012):
 Hi there,
First off, get some sleep. You need some good sleep to make a decision like this.
Whether you should keep it or not is not something that strangers of the internet will be able to tell you. Ultimately you will have to decide that for yourself. Either decision is completely okay, as long as it is okay with you and will not be something you regret down the road.
As for travel... there is no reason you can't travel with a child. You may have to wait a bit, but you can certainly travel. I can understand wanting to have some independence and freedom to get to know each other without the added pressure of a baby.
But, you're pregnant now... some say everything happens for a reason. Maybe you believe that, maybe you don't - but maybe it's true. I don't think that pregnancy necessarily has to mean that all of your plans, dreams and future are ruined.
Think carefully and make a decision that both you and your husband are happy. Either decision will be scary, but hopefully one of them will feel right. Best of luck to you and yours!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): People travel the world and do the most amazing things WITH their children, so i say keep the little bundle of joy. You will never get another chance with this particular child but the country you are choosing to move to will still be there in a year or two when you are in a better position to emigrate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): "I am 32 years old, just married to the most amazing man ever: we are very much in love."Sorry, but to me it is a red flag anytime I read someone describe their spouse/fiance/boyfriend/shack-up as "amazing" or "perfect." Nobody's perfect, very few are genuinely amazing. ". . . we're currently in a long distance marriage (he lives abroad)."Sorry, another red flag. "Moreover, we're in the middle of applying for a permanent visa overseas (we would like to move abroad) and this means a lot of bureaucracy and trips abroad- which we wouldn't be able to go do if we had to take care of a baby as well."Sorry, that sounds like a fishy story that "amazing" hubby is feeding you. Another red flag."So, my question is: should we keep the baby and give up our dream of moving abroad? Should we keep it and abruptly end our long distance (meaning he's gonna have to find another job)?."I would suggest you rephrase your questions in the singular, should "I" keep the baby and should "I" end our long distance. Sorry, but based on scant background info provided, I can't rule out possibility that in hubby's mind he's entered into a marriage of convenience and it would not be convenient for him to live with you as husband and wife or convenient for him to live with you and baby as a family. "Today I found out I am pregnant, despite being on birth control (how is that even possible?)."No artifical method of birth control is 100% effective; only method that is 100% effective is total abstinence. "I am so confused and scared and overwhelmed by this incredible mess. I could really use a word of advice from you aunts."If an over-thirty female's unexpected pregnancy by her lawfully wedded husband leaves you "so confused and scared and overwhelmed by this incredible mess" then I can only suspect there is something not fundamentally right with your marriage.I freely admit my suspicions are completely unfounded and based on lack of background (what you DIDN'T say), but from what you've posted I must regretfully state it appears you literally may have married a virtual stranger whom you literally may not know at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Why cant you make it work, have the baby and also move the country you want. I am sure there will be challenges, but surely something that can be managed.
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