A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi!I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we are planning to get married and have a baby. We love each other. He's been recently unwell, he had a little secret that was tormenting him so he told me eventually that when he was 16 he had sex with a male colleague. He was curious, he was disturbed, he needed sex, he can't really explain what happened. Now he's remembered it and he can't make it go away as he thinks he was very disturbed to have done something like this when he knows he's straight, he likes women, and there is no way he's gay, etc. He had few girls before and after that so no other male. I'm right next to him and try to help but I've started to ask myself questions if there is a slight chance for him to realize one day that he's gay, I don't want to see this happen in 10 years when we have kids. I know we are good together but now I'm sad to have heard something like this. I'm very grateful for his honesty but...I wish it wasn't true. I'm not against gay people, my best friend is gay. Please help. I love him to bits. And he's the same. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): I would be very careful here.Sure people have been known to experiment with the opposite sex in their teenage years, but full penetrative sex? That does not happen without real sexual desires. If someone at one time in their life has a strong enough desire to have sex with someone of the same sex that does not just disappear, they do not just change or streamline their sexual orientation. Lots of women have known nothing of their husbands past homosexual exploits and believed their husbands to be totally straight, only to be told by their spouses after 5 or so years that they are bisexual or have feelings towards men. It could be that he is telling you this now as a warning sign, but still not really wanting to face up to the reality of these feelings he has kept buried all these years. That is why he tells you he is totally straight, he does not want to lose what he has with you. In telling you about his homosexual past, he is letting you share the burden and perhaps let you know to some degree the real him before you get hitched. Maybe then he would feel less bad if this aspect of his character came up again in the future because he would have already told you. Like I said, I would be very careful. This has happened to plenty of women. I’m sorry but a guy who claims to be straight would never have full sex with another guy. You are kidding yourself if you think otherwise.
A
female
reader, Serenity1  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 i just want to say that...my husband of 5 yrs had male sexual experiences (oral) as a teenager...he informed me of this...and as a young woman i really didn't think much of it...
to make a long story short he still had the experience in his mind/heart, and i assume he liked it...to say the least we are now divorced and i've heard he's had a relationship with a man since our split...
i guess my point i agree with the others as far as the thought and maybe a mild encounter as a teenager is normal, but when a man wants to actually experience it i'd be cautious...i believe my ex-husband does like women but he also enjoyed what he shared with a male which is why he still has sex with men...
you can take this for whatever you'd like...but if have the awareness of a potential husband wanting to experience men i wouldn't dare marry them...
best wishes
**TF**
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (28 April 2009):
 everybody dips in to the pool of curiousity, some more then others, whether it a drunken make out session w/the same sex. or innocent curious sex. donf be worried, if hes this tormented about if, then your prpbably the only person he has ever told. make sure he knows you appreciate him confining on you. im sure that you two will be ok. im here if you need me.
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A
male
reader, cramp +, writes (28 April 2009):
It is often said that no one is 100% straight.When I was 15-16 I experimented sexually with other guys, I never got round to actual sex, but yeah that was going on. Today I would definitely call myself straight. I am only attracted to and think of females in a sexual way. One thing to consider is that, at that age people are curious about their sexuality, even if not consciously and this manifests in different ways. Often physical exploration. In a lot of ways your teenage years is all about figuring out who you are.I doubt your bf is gay because I think as his gf you would be able to tell this, and also it sounds like he told you because it is something he is ashamed/embarrassed about with himself so he wanted to clear it with you. To conclude, it is quite normal for totally straight men to have had a gay encounter in their formative years and never be interested in a man sexually again. I know this because I am one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your prompt answers. I'm having a hard time here but you made me feel better. I thought it took a lot of guts for him to tell me something that could have been kept secret, and he really trusts me as nobody else knows about this. And he has no reason to keep this burden only to himself. I'm there for him!
Thank you, thank you for being there for me.
xxx
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (28 April 2009):
 Most boys around that age get curious and go through a phase of thinking they are gay. Its a commen around that age to experiment to find out who you really are.
My boyfriend is 17 and said to me a couple of months ago that he wanted to try having sex with a boy. I was shocked but i supported him. He didn't experiment but he knows that he is straight.
Just tell your husband that teenage boys do experiment and its a normal thing. Support him saying that you don't care what he did in his past, its the future that matters. Just because he did something as a teen doesn't make him gay. Teenagers have lots of hormones which make them do different things.
Good luck
Livia
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): There's many gay men who marry to hide their true selves. They can go so deep inside their self till one day, their true feelings come out. Personally I don't believe men can be bisexual so I believe he's gay and hiding it
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