A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just saw the search history on my boyfriends computer. We've been together for almost two years, and I have never once been unfaithful or lied. I reassure him constantly that he is the one I want to be with. He tells me that he trusts me and then accuses me of infidelity and of lying no longer than 24 hours later.On the history were multiple searches about how to see if your girlfriend is cheating on you, reasons a women's vagina would be stretched out, multiple searches for my name with porn, multiple searches with my friends names and porn...After defending myself for two years I am at the end of my rope. I can not handle his mistrust even when it is exemplified discreetly because it always ends up coming out when we are face to face later...Do all men perform internet searches after accusing their girlfriends of such awful things? (that I had to have been a porn star - yet he tells me that I am not good enough in bed but my vagina is stretched out so I have to have been, that I am cheating when I have never once been unfaithful to any partner, etc?)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 December 2009):
 No not all, but I have to say I occasionally go a little google crazy when I'm feeling insecure and the stuff that comes up in the search history would sound pretty mad. Does it mean I don't trust my boyfriend? I think when you find things in people's history it can come across a LOT worse than it seems. That said, you've said you fight about this a lot and that he honestly doesn't seem to trust you. This kind of behavior can snowball. There's absolutely nothing you can do to make him trust you other than let him treat you like a lapdog, which would be ridiculous. I don't know if you should leave him immediately, but a long talk about where his trust issues are coming from and how you can't continue to reassure him, is in order.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): excellent answer with the exeption of one. this is not normal. my husband of 27 years has never 1 time questioned me about other men. never. i have given birth and my vagina is stretched out but i really dont think it has ever crossed his mind that i might have cheated. he believes me. the reason for his trust is because he doesnt think like that. he is faithful to me and doesnt consider cheating and so his mind doesnt run in that direction.
Satindesire hit the nail on the head when she said in general those who project guilt...have been unfaithful. look at the televangelist in our nation...who screamed the loudest about adultery and fornication...you got it...the ones who were as it later came out...committing those very sins. i have a brother in law who accuses my sister in law of everything you can imagine. suspects the male neighbors, checks her mileage etc..questioned the sperm donation of their sons...as far as i know she has been faithful. but he hasnt. in the 22 years that they have been married, he has had NUMEROUS affairs.
This is not normal or acceptable behaviour. this in no way means he loves you or cares about you. it is about control 100 %. Do not allow him to make you believe that he does this because he loves you. That is a flat out lie and any woman who believes it has been in the same shoes until they have been beaten down so far that they have no thoughts of their own. You need to get out before you accept this as love and caring. because it isnt. you cant fix him or change him so dont keep trying. sweetheart please get out while you can....and make sure that if you decide to leave that you have someone there because these situations tend to esculate quickly. best of luck to you, mal
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 Hate to say it, but your boyfriend is a moron.
If he doesn't trust you that's one thing, but the total rubbish he is coming out with is something else.
His constant checking is designed to gain complete control over your actions, your thinking, and your every day life. He wants to get you to the point where you become fearful of doing ANYTHING that you feel might upset him.
He is incredibly insecure.
Not all men are like this. Just the unstable ones.
I would leave immediately, and change all your contact details. This kind of abusive behaviour can sometimes lead to violence and maybe stalking.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 December 2009):
I'm glad to say not all men are like this. There's nothing wrong with you at all. But clearly your so called boyfriend has trust issues that are borderline. So my suggestion to you would be to leave him and find a guy who does love you and trust you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): just shows he cares for you and loves you and is worried you are cheating, atleast he does it discreetly and not up front. Think of it that way, i suggest relaxing a little bit. imagine if he didnt care? hell he wouldnt make any searches.. only searching he would be doing would be for a another girl, a replacement. so thank your lucky stars mate
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (29 December 2009):
 Not all men all like your boyfriend. You are a young lady, do yourself a favor and kick this guy to the curb.
Jeff
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 You ask "Do all men..."
Why do you think that all men are like this? That this could be "normal" behavior?
And what if it was, would that make it allright.
Oh all men beat their women with canes, so it is alright?
Read up on "control freak" and "mental abuse".
This is such a common theme on this forum, it is a shame physical abuse gets all the media attention.
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