A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My roommate went on vacation, so I have the whole house to myself. I told my boyfriend we should have a night just for us.We agreed to meet on a coffee shop. When I got there he told me he had the worst back pain.Our friends were there too as they're going clubbing tonight. My boyfriend (even tho he looked seriously in pain), asked if I wanted to go, as he was actually in the mood for that. I declined. Clubbing isn't something I enjoy.I said we should just go back to my place. I offered to prepare some tea, give him a back rub, a warm bath and a couple pain pills and we'd just snuggle and watch a movie.He agreed and we went to wait for the bus (my place is 2 stops away). When we saw the bus, he asked if I'd be mad if he went to his place instead. Of course I said I wouldn't, because I already had asked if he wanted to go home.We hadn't the chance to be together alone for a month and we both have a very full week, so I do admit I had high expectations for tonight, because he also looked very excited, the whole week. I got all prettied up, cleaned the whole house, baked his favorite cake!Not gonna lie, I was expecting sex. I'd totally do without it, as I'd never force him to have sex if he has back pain! However, I don't understand why he preferred to go to his home. Basically, we were together for half an hour, at a crowded coffee shop.I know I have no right to be mad, but I can't help but being sad.. First he said he could go clubbing the whole night, but then preferred to go home when he has a loving girlfriend that lives a block away and wants to take care of him? I even suspect this was just a excuse for him to go home an chill (which isn't something I think he'd do, but I don't know...)Why did he do that? Should I be concerned about something, or is this normal? I mean, I'd prefer to have company and be with him if I was sick, instead of just going home..
View related questions:
clubbing, in the mood, roommate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): Thank you all for your answers.Turns out that a couple minutes after I uploaded this question, he texted me saying that even though he was so much in pain, he wanted to be with me.So basically he got home, changed his mind and came back to my place. We ate cake, had sex and cuddled for a couple hours.Which is weirder, because it reminds me of something I did in high school.When I forgot something important (like a paper) at home, I'd say I felt awful, go home, pick up whatever I needed, then go back to school, say I was still crappy but that I needed to turn the paper in.So, it looks like he needed an excuse to go home.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 March 2013):
 It sounds like he was only excited about spending the night with you if it involved sex, or at least a fun, social outing, but'd gladly skip the snuggly-cuddly-movie part in favour of being home by himself.
That's not as bad as it seems ,though :). He had severe back pain, and some people ( including yours truly ) does not like to be fussed over when they are feeling unwell . They don't feel cuddly or affectionate in these occasions , and they'd rather be left alone to relax and recuperate in their own way without too much "nurturing " and well meaning offers of pills,back rubs, warm baths etc.
So, IMO, the answer to your question " why would be rather be home when he has a loving gf etc. " is very simple : because he wasn't feeling well. It is true that he would have gone clubbing instead, but either his back pain got worse by the time you left, or he thought that music ,drinks, people watching etc was going to distract him from his ailments better than a domestic evening just focused on that, instead.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): My girlfriend just read your story and said that if I did that to her it would be a deal breaker and she would drop me out the front door with my stuff all over the side walk. I believe you're in a relationship right? or wrong? Or is the intimacy part not really understood or agreed upon between the both of you? My opinion is this, I know I would never refuse my sweetie with what you offered to do for him. I would run to the medical clinic get some tylynol number threes and be over with my night bag as quick as I could. This dude is nuts... Don't get to upset by this. If he is a dud dump Don't fret or cry move on he is jerk and doesn't deserve you. I wish my sweetie would bake a cake for me. She just gave me that look. I guess I have to bake the cake tonight. You will do fine. let everyone know what happens. Bye.
...............................
A
female
reader, sherrig +, writes (17 March 2013):
Somethings up, sounds like he didn't want to spend time with you, but could tolerate clubbing. Are you sure he didn't get picked up at his place, and go clubbing, or have a party waiting there perhaps? Think I would have went the distance to check on him and make sure. Good Luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): All these questions are best discussed with him really. It really would be pointless for us to speculate.
OP it's okay to tell him how disappointed you were and how much you had this built up you know. If I were him I'd want to make it up to you, kind of weird that he'd gladly go clubbing instead of chilling out with you, unless you were going to force him to watch The Notebook or Dear John. If that's the case OP, he should break up with you immediately. Only joking.
It could be that he didn't want to be around you feeling that shitty and vulnerable. Only he can say. Talk it all out with him OP, include how it made you feel.
...............................
|
