A
female
age
30-35,
*rizelle
writes:Hello everyone,i don't know how to deal with my boyfriend. There is something that happened to my life and i told him exactly what happened the whole truth, but however i wasnt comfortable telling my family yet, i grew up in a family where we weren't very fortunate. And i had promised myself that i would do everything to make a difference, to make my family proud. On top of worrying about just my school, and my life, i have to worry about everybody else in my family, if my mum has enough money, if my brother is able to take care of her family, i have a lot of responsibilities. So whenever something happens to me that might make them be disappointed in me, i take time before telling them, and sometimes i even keep it to myself. SO my boyfriend talked to my sister and my sister and my boyfriend didnt have the exact version of what has happened. I told my boyfriend the truth and to my sister i told her something but not the whole truth , but i was sure when the moment will be right i would tell her and my entire family. But i just didnt want to let them down, i didn't want to fail them that i kept it from them.But since my boyfriend have told my sister, so i had no choice but to tell them the truth but it was not on my own terms, and i showed them the letter i had wrote addressed to them but that i had never had the courage to give them. They understood me and reassured me that i wasn't letting them down.So my boyfriend decided that no, now he cant trust me, that he needs proofs of everything that i have been telling him, because he thinks i have been lying to him. For example lately i went to a trip and he wanted to see all my receipts, and he asked for a break, he said i am selfish,....! He has done so many things that i found disrespectful .and many things that made me question his trust but i always put them behind me and move forward. But now he claims that unless i give him proofs of everything he is going to ask, he wont trust me again. But i am not on a criminal, i didn't cheat on him, i didn't do anything that directly affects him and I.He told my sister that he doesn't understand why i would tell him the trust but not my sister!How can he do that? Thats creating tensions between my sister and I! Whats wrong with me telling him first? Thats how judgemental he is when it comes to family matters, and that is the main reason i dont discuss my family issues with him, because he just judges consciously or not . He has asked for an undetermined break, he said he will call me once he has sorted everything out.Seriously, i think he is just pushing me to the edge, i dont see the big deal in me telling him and not my family( he should be flattered normally), i think he might be looking for a way to break up but he doesnt know how to, and now he is using trust and asking for breaks that doesn't have a determined time to when we will go back talking and resolving the issues .I was planning on talking to him and telling what i really think. But i don't know if its a good idea.We have been on a break for two weeks now I do love him and we have been together for 2 years but right now its long distance, the last time i saw him was 3 months ago.Thank you everyone for your help
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (20 January 2013):
What a terrible shame that instead of supporting you to deal with what sounds like a difficult issue, he betrayed your trust by speaking to your family without allowing you the chance to do that on your own terms. Then to top it all, he says he can’t trust you? This guy sounds unbelievably selfish and cowardly as it would seem that he’s using this as an excuse to break up with you but rather than admit it he requests an indefinite break. Or maybe he wants to play the field and come back to you when it suits him. Either way, I think you need to stop giving yourself such a hard time about disappointing your family, and ask for their support, then you should break up with him. You’re only going to get more hurt and let down if you remain in this relationship.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (20 January 2013):
Hi there. Has it always been a long distance relationship, or did he move away once he asked for a break with you?
If you haven't cheated or lied to him, well then what is it he is upset about?
He has no real reason, does he?
In hindsight, it might have been wiser to NOT mention any family problems or personal problems, to him at all.
But it's not the end of the world, by any means.
There is one thing you might like to try though.
If you have a current address for him where he is living now, perhaps you could write him a heart to heart letter.
And I mean LETTER - handwritten by you, on paper and then posted in the mail.
Rather than a text message or an email.
It won't cost you much, and it will be the perfect opportunity for you to speak to him, with total honesty - and not be interrupted.
He can then pick up the letter read it partly or in full, then put it down and go away and think about it - and come back to it again later.
The beauty of a heart to heart handwritten letter to someone you care about, is that you can say so much more to that person, than if you were sitting in the same room together face to face.
You can say so many things you otherwise would feel too self conscious or nervous about saying, and this gives a person a big advantage, over talking face to face.
I would seriously consider doing this, and doing it as soon as you possibly can.
And once he receives that letter, the ball is then in his court.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 It's just unfortunate that when you need a person who understand you and have your back you got a judgmental boyfriend who can't handle the truth. Who is he to judge? If your family feels you are not letting them down and understands your difficulties of opening up totally, who is he to judge that you were wrong for lying? He has no business discussing things with your sister. If he does not understand why you wanted to keep things to yourself he is very shortsighted in family affairs and only thinks in black and white terms. He would not have handled well the life you had lived.
I don't think it is a good idea to tell him what you think. He is not interested in what you think, only in pointing out how wrong you are. I would dread going on in a relationship with him to constantly prove your credibility. Let it be long distance forever. No one needs 3 months to think things through.
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