A
female
age
30-35,
*riya2014
writes:i broke up with my ex four months ago.He was quite abusive and very manipulative. He used to blame me for everything which was happening in his life. he lost his job also.on that time i was very emotional but still i broke up because it was the right thing to do, now after 4 months i am really happy in my life.i don,t have any feelings for him. i am doing good in my career.i am back with my friends ,family and life.i have never been happy like this. But the problem is from last 4 months he keeps on calling me no matter how many number i change. he keeps on saying sorry and he never stop crying. i told him once in a text massage that i really don,t care whether he changed or not. i am not concerned about him anymore. my family is supportive of me they also want that i should not talk to him.sometime he says he will die if i won,t talk to him, only once he wants to talk to me. but seriously i am not ready for this, my heart and mind both says don,t do this.he keeps on making me guilty that i am so heartless, he lost his job,he is depressed, he is alone and i am not even calling him once. what should i do. why he is not moving on. he was very horrible to me when we were together all of sudden he is behaving like this.i don,t even want his shadow near me. how should i get rid from this guilt.
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, lost his job, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): Great Job You Left This Coward Now Stay Away Tell Him To Save The Drama For His Momma! Best Wishes
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Abusers work in circles, they abuse, then they apologize, then they abuse again.
Victims work in circles, they get abused, they threaten to walk way, they accept the apology, they get abused.
He can't break his circle. Can you break yours AND keep it broken? Of course you are feeling guilty, that is why you accept his apologie, that is how it works. Abusers play on your guilt because they make you feel guilty for something/anything. And nothing is ever their fault really, it is always someone els.
You can only truly break free when you start to see the bullshit and learn to accept that while you might FEEL guilty, you are not and you just go to ignore the feeling because it is wrong. He is the one causing his own misery, not you, so your feelings are just wrong and can be ignored.
And really, when you END a relationship women, learn to END it. Really end it. Buy a new phone with a new number and don't tell it to ANYONE you both know, ignore anonymous callers and only accept calls from known numbers and let the rest go through voicemail. Also don't leave a "I can't accept your call right now" message, those you know know you are it everyone else can just contact you some other way.
Yes, this is work but abusers never give up on an easy mark (you fell for an abuser, know yourself to be an easy mark) because the vast majority of people don't want anything to do with them. He has no other options but you or finding another sap. You do have other options, cut out all contact.
You cannot reason with an abuser, to listen to them is to give them the opening they want to make you feel you should give them another chance to abuse you yet again.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (20 January 2013):
Hi there. How can he blame you for his job loss?
It seems he likes to make himself feel like a victim of life, doesn't he?
He refuses to take responsibility for anything that goes wrong in his life.
We all need to take responsibility and to stop blaming others for our own mistakes.
And it can be easy to fall into that trap, if we are not careful.
Just as long as you don't allow yourself to fall into that trap with him, and start blaming yourself for what goes wrong in his life.
I hope you won't do that.
I am pleased that you have moved on and believe you no longer have feelings for him.
And that is a big PLUS!
If only he could do the same.
He is trying to put guilt on you by threatening to take his own life if you won't talk to him or take him back.
Don't fall for it.
It's an extremely MEAN thing to do to anyone, so ignore those threats of his, no matter how many buckets of tears he sheds, for you.
Just DON'T go there at all.
And if you have his number set in your mobile directory, well then whenever you see his name come up, just press the red button (End Call), so the call goes straight to your message voicemail - and then you won't get to hear all his emotinal nonsense he forcing down your throat.
You really don't need or WANT that anymore.
So just DON'T tolerate it - by NOT speaking to him if he calls.
If you don't have his number set in your mobile, well then it would be a good idea to add it to your directory list, so you instantly recognise it whenever he calls.
And not just his mobile number, but also his home landline number as well, just to cover all your bases.
Then, if he leaves a message that has gone to your message voicemail, well then just DELETE it without even listening to it.
So then you don't get any torment at all, from hearing his voice.
It will make life much easier for you, from now on.
...............................
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 You can take it to the police as harassment. They will probably just have a word with him.He may well stop if you never answer the calls/texts. If you are doing well at the moment in your life, the most important thing is to try and keep going and don't let him hold you back.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Hi
I don't know why your feeling guilty,it didn't work out so you finished it,end of,he has to get over it.
Can one of your family go and talk to him,make it clear he is to leave you alone or you will take it to the Police.
He needs help to get past this so even you or a family member talking to his Mum or other family and explain he is struggling,by phone though,not in person if you do it.
I don't know how he finds your new numbers either,somebody is clearly telling him and its somebody you know.
Keep a record of the calls or texts off him for Police and never reply to his texts or calls.
...............................
|
