A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My situation is really messed up. I am married and I do love my life but I am bored. I have a big crush on my brother in law and I think he feels the same about me. I told him my feelings but he hasn't told me in words whether he feels the same or not; all his body language does suggest there are feelings there but I asked a guy friend that I really trust and he knows my brother in law- so he said that he thinks he does like me but out of respect to his brother- he would never act on it because there is a guy code, and even more so when it applies to your brother. Is this true? Should I just give up? I know that I shouldn't be doing this but my feelings tell me something else.
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male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (23 July 2010):
This is utter madness, imagine if your husband is screwing your sister, will you be happy, if no, then leave his brother alone.
At least hes got manners and respect for his brother, as for you, you dont have respect and love for your husband and if you bored with him, look for another man, and when you bored with the new one after a year or two, be assured your current husband would have found a woman he deserves.
A
female
reader, RB92  +, writes (7 July 2010):
Its horrible when you have feelings for people and the longer it goes the worse it gets. I really do feel for you. But think about it this way; you married your husband for a reason. You thought he was the one you'd spend the rest of your life with, whatever happened. You wanted to travel the world, possibly start a family and grow old and die with him.
The feelings you're feeling now I promise you aren't going to last as intensely as they are. Feelings like this last around 18months, with some lasting less and some lasting just a little more. But you will eventually get over it - so don't worry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe more I think about it, the more obvious it is to me that is it my self esteem. Which is crazy! But true! He won't tell me flat out whether he likes me or not and that is what is driving me crazy. He will flirt with me when we are hanging out and my husband is busy hanging out with his girlfriends, and he will hug me when I am sad. I guess these 9 months I have been hoping that he will actually just say if he likes me or doesn't like me, just use the words. But it has been 9 months that have helped me to think about my feelings, so actually the more I think about it- the more I am grateful that he didn't tell me either way. If he would have said he liked me, that could lead to reckless behavior, and if he were to tell me he doesn't like me- my self esteem would suffer. So now, especially after the time I spent with him last week (we had a party at my house and he opened up about his life) I am just happy to be his friend and enjoy his company and his affections. He is really sweet to me, he cares about me, I get along really good with both him and my husband when me all hang out together, and I don't want to risk that anymore.
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A
female
reader, Neverbeenloved +, writes (6 July 2010):
If you really feel this way it is time to move on. If you willing to mess around with his own flesh and blood, then you are willing to mess around with someone else and that isn't fair to your husband. So it time to pack your things and go.
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A
female
reader, RB92 +, writes (6 July 2010):
When I was younger I used to try and live by the rule 'never fight your feelings' but every guy I've liked since has broken that rule. Even if (after following Vintages life in trying to fix your 'boring life') you end up seperating from your husband, the next worst thing to do is end up with his brother. Its not just a guy rule that stops your brother-in-law being with you, its morals. Imagine the hurt you'd cause between two brothers.
I realize it seems like we're all attacking you about how you feel, and we know you can't help how you feel. But put yourself in the bigger picture, and sometimes you can't always get what you want. Marriage is effort and its not all fun and games. To sum up, my advice is address the issues with your marriage but don't attempt to go after your brother-in-law, however difficult it might be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): Thankfully, your brother-in-law has a good head on his shoulders, yes you shouldn't mess around with your brothers wife. Do something with your husband to make life less boring, as you put it, haven't you heard, everyday life is pretty dull and it's down to you to change that.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 July 2010):
Yes give up! You'll destroy your marriage, and destroy two brothers. And what for? Boredom! This screams of madness. Get your marriage together, or leave. Now. But don't become yet another person who cheats or destroys relationships for no other reason than boredom. If you're that bored, then leave your husband and find another guy.
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A
male
reader, richard782 +, writes (6 July 2010):
Well, you really should discuss this with your intimate one, your husband specifically.
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