A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am bisexual male living in a fairly homophobic area I see openly gay people routinely made fun of, and it outright scares me. I haven't had much luck with girls, and sometimes when there's a guy I fancy, I really want to ask them out, but afraid of the repercussions of people finding out I like men as well as women. It's hard to find someone of the same orientation, when most are all closeted. There'a s guy I really like, who I am fairly friends with, not close friends just friends, and I have such a big crush on him and I really want to ask him out, but fear rejection, fear his reaction in case he gets creeped out or doesnt want to be my friend anymore, and fear others reactions, they might beat me up and bully me like they do to others who are openly out. Help me, what to do. Please
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 There's nothing in the rule books that says you have to be OUT. Especially if you are in an area where it's not really gay friendly. You can still be discreet about relationships - and is probably best to, given your situation.
It's always best to get to know the person VERY WELL before you ask them out. You need to find out their attitudes about bi/gay/lesbian issues. Heck, even getting to know them really well means developing a relationship on some level. Once you get to know them really well... you just take the relationship to another level until such time as you can be intimate with them.
You also might try making friends with the openly out kids. Let them know about yourself, when it's appropriate, but tell them not to tell anyone unless they check with you first. They can become your support group so to speak, and you can support them as well.
A
female
reader, RealGirlNextDoor  +, writes (26 January 2011):
I'm sorry about what I'm about to say, seeing as you're porbably not going to like it at all, but you have to learn to be who you are and to accept this even thought others won't. The fear of being bullied is the most terrible thing that someone could feel (I know I've been bullied in the past), but it's better to be happy with who you are as a person trust me I learnt the hard way. Rejection is also hard for anyone but it's part of the process, you should be upfront and tell him how you feel, if you're not sure of his sexual orientation maybe you should get to know him a bit better before confessing your atraction towards him.As for the fear of being bullied, talk to an adult you can trust in about this, maybe a teacher or someone who can support and help you be happy with who you are.
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