A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:BF not sexually attracted to me. Can it work? I have just been thinking. There are so many things I love about my BF and we get along really well. I know we have had a few issues in the past but we have sorted through these all. We have talked about the future and what we want and where would would like to be in a few years time and we our goals coincide which is great. The main problem is with our sexual relationship. We have only been together a year and we would be lucky to have sex once a week. We generally lie in bed watching tv talking about lots of different things which is great but there is no sex... no passion when we do have sex.. and generally i have to do it all... he never goes down on me and IF he fingers me its only for a little bit then wipes his fingers on my belly or leg after... I am the sort of person that loves long good kisses and he doesnt ever... there is always an excuse... its only ever pecks... Although this frustrates me there are too many other things that I like about this relationship... Or is this just something that happens to a relationship as it progresses. You just become mates instead?? Things is I like all that other stuff... like kissing... and bubble baths etc etc lol Hmmmmm...
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 he's not going to suddenly know the ropes and do what you like if he doesn't know these are necessary things for your fulfillment. Has he ever made you orgasm? Has he ever performed oral? You talk all the time, do you talk really about why he's not more interested?
My thought is, yes, it's important to have a bond beyond sex, but without a sexual connection, it is more likely to just degrade into a friendship. SOMEDAY you might run out of things to talk about..what would keep you sustained at that point? I would talk to him about how working on these things are important to you, if not fundamental to the relationship. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): Have you tried talking to him about this? I think you need to let him know that you like long kisses etc, he may not know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): I was in a similar type of relationship for 9 months and we only had sex 5 times. All of the things you mentioned in your post I have recently gone through myself. it was liking reading about my relationship. It didnt work out for us bacause it created too much stress in the sex department. Personally I think that if I would have been able to make peace with the fact that he wanted the world to think we had a complete relationship and just be "pals" when we were alone it probably would have gone on forever. He seemed to be completely staisfied with it that way. It has been my experience in the past that the sex is generally more in the begining then tapers off, it shouldnt be such an issue so early in the relationship. So the question is.... Is this what you want out of the relationship? My feeling is that your BF is probably happy with the way things are and wouldnt want to change a thing. I think you are the one that will have to make the difficult decision as to if you want to continue working at this relationship, it doenst sound to me like it will ever get better.... Sorry! :(
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A
female
reader, missy_musk  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 Its not impossible to have a relationship with a lack of sexual chemistry/attraction but to be totally honest, in my experience at least, they dont often last very long. have you tried talking to your partner about this? obviously some thing attracted him to you and and vice versa so mabe its worth trying to "spice things up"! you know, the traditional candles, gentle music and in a place where you wont be distracted! Is he shy? because despite the fact that most men like to boast and "give it large" they generally end up to be quite shy! Or mabe just mabe, he is not as sexually experienced as he may have lead you to think! you know, when i was 16, i had a boyfriend that was a few years older then me. at first it was a non sexual relationship but he would always boast about how he had done this and that with all these different women, but when it got down to it..... turns out he was a virgin! :).... obviously since your sleeping together you know he is not a virgin but mabe he needs teaching! have you tried telling him what you like? get him to tell you what turns him on! communication and experimentation is the key!. if after all this, and you have tried everything you can think of and nothing seems to work, then mabe you should both consider what is best for the future of this relationship! hope this helps! feel free to mail me! xx
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