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male
,
anonymous
writes: My partner and I have been together for six years, recently he stated that he thought being gay was a desease and that people like us should not be able to have any rights and that he puts his family first before me. This came as shock, but he is a muslim and of late has been reverting back into his own culture more and more.Not really sure what to do, if it is a cultural thing then I presume there is nothing I can do and I can see no future in our relationship.He has talked about going back to his country to live and work and even marry and have kids to hide it all.Being gay and brought up in the UK I am finding this difficult to understand why people do this.Any advise on what to do would be grateful, deep down I think I know its time to move onMartin
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female
reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (27 October 2006):
 He has a lot of self hate going on... and someone who hates them self that much may be incapable of loving anyone. Possibly therapy sessions but religion can be so deeply ingrained that almost nothing can revert it. Fortunately sexuality is ingrained even deeper so try and give it a go. Obviously if he was so deeply rooted in his beliefs he wouldn't have ever been with a man at all right? So sit down and discuss that you need to see a counselor, it tends to help when someone of authority is a mediator. Also a lot of deeply religious people hold doctors in high esteem so it may help more so than having one on ones together
A
male
reader, davie  +, writes (24 October 2006):
It sounds like a sad situation for you both. If he carrys on like he is there isn't much chance of things between you having a happy outcome. I think you've reached the right decision already in that it is probably time to move on.
Shame on him for being with you for six years and then turning around and saying he puts his family before you, and wants to go back to whatever country, get married and have children. If he's gay he'll sooner or later realise that is a bad and stupid move - he'll probably be very unhappy and will drag some poor unsuspecting woman down with him.
If loving you is a disease then you are better off without him.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (24 October 2006):
 Martin,What a sad situation. My boyfriend and I debated your question for about an hour and finally came to a common answer for you. We think that you and your boyfriend need to have a sit down and talk SERIOUSLY about his new beliefs and views on your sexuality.Give him some time to think about his priorities, his family and his relationship with you. If, after this period of thinking (it'll be more than a few hours. Let him really think about it for a few days), he is still rooted in his new beliefs (gay = disease, "people like us" shouldn't have rights, that he wants to rejoin his culture and get married and have children), we think that it may be time to let go. It's not fair to you, and we give you so much sympathy. We suggest you two take a lot of time and reflect on the six years you've had together - maybe your boyfriend should get a hotel room and a camping site and spend some time alone to think about his future.If he decides that it's time for him to go home and follow his cultural beliefs, let him go. We are so sorry. This situation really sucks.All my luck and love for you.xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2006): Maybe he's turning straight again? If a straight guy can turn gay, then it probably can go the other way too
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A
female
reader, CherryVanilli  +, writes (23 October 2006):
 Well it is definately time for u to move in, cos to him he was doing something shameful & he's a sinner...so he thought by leaving you & returning back to his native culture & religion it would just erase the fact that he's a gay & I think it is unfair to the women that he is gonna marry & to the kids he's planning to have, it's unfair to hide his identity! However if he doesnt he wont be accepted in his culture...
As for u, cut all ur relationship with him & move on cos he is hesitant & not sure what he wants & u need stability in any relationship...
Good Luck
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