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Been reading books on dating, attraction, seduction, motivation, anxiexty... but being a virgin at 20 is still eating me up!

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 April 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 16 April 2007)
A male age 36-40, *plit10s writes:

I am a 20 year old male virgin. For the past seven months the fact that I am still a virgin has been eating away at me. During the duration of this time, I have been reading non-stop books on dateing, attraction, seduction, motivation, anxiexty mostly all self help books. Any way I have done pretty much anything and everthing to solve this problem even painted my nails black for two weeks, I figured nothing else has worked so why not. Its not that i am waiting for someone special, but because I feel that I am so far behind just with the whole dating seen in general( still havent had a girl friend). At this point I really dont know whats wrong with me, this virgin thing has become an obsession of mine and has been affecting every aspect of my life. I think once I get it out of my system things will be better, however, I can see it going the other way. I really could use some advice, really anything that will cure me of this insecurity. Thanks

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007):

Hey man, I'm 21 and I have the same problem (and to be quite honest I expect this problem will continue for many years until I finally explode!). Let's face it, it's easy enough to see a prostitute and get it over with, but the fact that you haven't suggests it's not just sex you're looking for, and I can empathise with the girl thing - sometimes I just wanna feel there's somebody in my life i can just hold. It's a terrible thing for a guy to admit, and there are two solutions to it 1) change your attitude and suck it the hell up. The fact that you say you've tried everything and nothing works sounds suspiciously similar to those people who try diets, secretly snack and complain that it doesn't work - you gotta put your whole heart into it and you'll break through (sorry for the tough love, but i'm sure you can appreciate how situations like this can make a man rather jaded!). 2) keep going as you are and just accept it. You're not a player, you may very well even repulse women through looks and/or personality, but you stick with it because it's who you are. Personally, I've chosen the second option because I don't have the gusto for the first. It isn't pretty, you have to wait with only your long distant hope as company. Will it pay off? I'll let you know when I find out, but just remember that you're looking for something more than sex if you haven't taken the easy road...some ladies even like that in a guy, but as ever, it's all about appearance. Either change yourself into one of those mysterious arsehole players, or accept that you're a sucker - either way will give you confidence in who you are and that's what's important!

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A male reader, DrCynic United States +, writes (12 April 2007):

DrCynic agony auntWell dude, I'm 19 and still a virgin... 20 next February. Listen, if you're that concerned about it, find someone you love... If you feel you aren't attractive enough, and you're desperate, break down and buy a hooker. Are you really that desperate?

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A male reader, pfairypepper United States +, writes (10 April 2007):

Well pal, you just need to take the pussy off the pedestal. Seriously, sex is great but it isn't everything, if you want to attract a woman then confidence is key. Do what you got to do to get confident, join a club a sport, take dance classes (I do). Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007):

well if you want it gone that bad then go either pick up with some random or go to a whore house - they'll treat you real nice.

what would black nail polish have to do with loosing your virginity? huh?

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A female reader, rachael123 United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2007):

rachael123 agony auntHi, i jsut had to reply to this message because a 20 yearn old virgin male is such a rare and refreshing thing. i am 20 aswell and i would rather go with a virgin rather than sum man who is sleeping with anything and everything. you should be proud of yourself instead of obbsesing the way you are. your jsut getting all worked up over it and it isnt helping, it will happen when it happens and dont just go and sleep with anyone just in the hope you will feel better because you wont.wait for the right girl and when you do finally do it you will feel so proud of yourself that you were different than the rest of us and waited for the one. i hope this helps. oh and were do you live? lol only kidding good luck!

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