A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend broke up wiyh me toyaly out of the blue, because of somethin wrong i did many months ago. he's been telling me how much he loves me lately, so i'm in total shock and don't know what to do. i love hims os much, but he says he just cant be with me naymire and doesn't want to see me again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): Hi there,
It sounds to me that because you went with someone else he felt betrayed and over time his love turned to more resentment for what you did. This would explain why he is now with someone new so quickly. It sounds like you've both been through a lot of pain through your relationship and I wonder if you trying to pursue a friendship or more with him is just going to make you feel a whole lot worse. especially now that there is another person involved in it all?
You need to look out for yourself by asking yourself if going down this path with him is going to achieve anything good for you? He broke up with you a week ago and he's sleeping with someone else, it seems to me that it can only be a bad thing to pursue him. Maybe it would be better for you to shut the door to this relationship and begin to heal over everything that has happened? Either way, I think things are too soon and too raw for you two to become just friends yet. Maybe a few months or years down the line, but couples can't go from an exclusive relationship to an ordinary friendship, it doesn't happen like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI spoke to him on teh phone today. He was telling me how much he loves me and that I am so special to him and he will never forget me, that he misses me alot and this is really hard on him, too.
He alos said that, since we broke up, he has been so upset, and this girl he has known for a long time, was around to comfort him, and she made feel better, so he slept with her a couple of times and he said that he is 'kind o seeing her.
he says that if he was to get back with me, that would mean, he would be cheating on her. and he said that iw ill get to meet her one day.
then he said that he would like to see me tomorrow, to talk about everything.
also, he hopes we can be friends, as he would like to stay in contact and 'hang out' with me sometimes.
What is this all about? how can you tell some one you love them so much, but then find some one else withinh the forst few days of thr break up? surely that can't be love!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really hope so! i'm missing him so much already!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe just called me today, after saying he never wants to talk to me again. he's saying that i'm a good person and he thinks we should be friends. what is that about?
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 The harsh reality of it is that he has tried to get over what you did and has discovered he can't. He is doing what he feels he needs to do to get over your betrayal. You need to give him the time and space he's asking for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): Oh I am sure it is anything but easy for him. He is not shutting you out because he no longer has any feelings for you. Hold out a couple of weeks so that he can calm his emotions down and try contacting him again. Maybe you could write him a letter or an email so that you can say what you need to say in one go. You obviously love him so by all means try fight for him. If though he says he truly does not want to hear from you again then you should respect his wishes and allow him to move on. Perhaps what has happened just isn't fixable no matter what you try and do from now on.
Sudden break-ups are particularly traumatic to deal with, especially when that person was only days or weeks earlier telling you how much they love you. Sadly this does happen and it's painful to resolve in your head. You will no doubt go through all sorts of feelings and emotions but have strength knowing that things will start to become clear and make sense, no matter how things turn out with you guys. All the best with whatever you decide to do OK?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know, it would be much easier to just accpet that it's over, but i can't, I love him too much! he will not respond to any of my calls or messages and that is really hurtful. he just expects me to forget about him from one day to the other. i can't do that, i i don't understand how he is finding it so easy to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): Hi there,
Your boyfriend probably has feelings of both love, and of hurt for you. I suspect that he has tried his best to put what happened in the past but that he can not. What you have done has probably changed the way he sees you and how he views the relationship. I am sure you can understand his situation in that he loves you but can not be with you.
I think the only thing you can do right now is to give him the space he asks for. His feelings of hurt may be conquered by his love for you over time and he will want to try again, but perhaps it would be easier and less painful for you if you accept that it is over. That though, is up to you. Try and find support in friends and family, they can probably help you feel better about yourself and get you through this. All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, i think i need to say what it is exactly that i did...we had a huge argument one day, i went out got unbelievably drunk and took home this guy. the next day it turned out it was a very good friend of his. he still stuck with me after that for 6 months, and i thought he was finaly ok with it. only a day before he said he never wants to see me again, he was telling me how special i am to him and how much he loves me. now he's saying that all his friends keep bugging him about the fact that he is still with me.and he has to deal with that day in day out. but if he loves me as much as he says, shouldn't he able to find it in his heart to forgive me. I know, when i love some one that much... i would forgive them, as hard as it may be.
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female
reader, penta +, writes (9 April 2007):
Let him go. He's either using what happened months ago as an excuse, in which case he's lying about why he wants out, or he's been stewing about it for months, and couldn't be honest with you about his feelings. Either way, this doesn't say great things about his ability to communicate honestly with you. I know it hurts now, but you're better off without him.
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