A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met John on an online gay connection site in July, and since then we have been "hooking up" at least once or twice a week - despite the fact that we live an hour apart, and I have no car and 4 roommates. On top of it all, I am 18 and John is 39 (age is not an issue for us, obviously). Every weekend (sometimes during the week) he'll drive an hour, pick me up, take me home and then he'll drive me back home at the end of the weekend (or sometimes the next morning). When we first began seeing one another John made it clear that he did not want this to become a serious relationship (perhaps my age concerned him). But now, 8 months later, I feel like that is exactly what it has become - which I am perfectly okay with. I really have strong feelings for John; he's very kind to me, funny, smart, gorgeous and ripped - not to mention he drives 4 hours at least once a week to see me. But now I am at that point where I need to know how he really feels. Does he feel the same way I do - or does he still not want a long-term relationship? I can't help but think he feels the same way I do - he just treats me so well and we really get along. He always gets jealous (in a cute way) when I talk about other guy friends (straight or gay) and he always tells me he wishes we could be together more often.Today I wrote him a letter explaining to him how I feel. The hard part about the letter was that I told him that if he doesn't feel the same way towards me (as I do towards him) then it would be best if we went our separate ways, because I do not want to have feelings for him and still see him if he does not have them for me. Now I regret sending him that letter. If in fact he does not have the same feelings for me, then by the ultimatum in my letter, we will not see each other again - the thought of which kills me. I don't know what would be better. Being with someone you love who does not love you in return - or loving someone and not being with them at all.
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