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female
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*hazza
writes: I am 28 and been involved with a married man for the past 5 years. I love him to bits. He won't leave his wife but he says he loves me! What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2006): Oh come on, you're 28, you haven't just fallen off the turnip truck have you? How many magazines have you read about this very scenario....something about you smacks lack of self confidence and the need to make yourself feel better by taking a man that is in a committed marriage with a family....what does that say about you, honey, forget about what you should do about the man....get some therapy quick to find out why you would do this kind of self destructive thing so you don't repeat the pattern again...good luck to you.
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female
reader, debby +, writes (8 October 2006):
im going through the same hun and its all confusing i know you never know where your at with them at all and it makes you ill but i have just read some of the comments people have left and they are right married men are selfish best of both worlds now i have read a few of these im getting rid and if he loved me the way he said he does he would have left by now anyway good luck im getting out of mine now it has woke me up to the real world reading them and i hope it does the same for you take care deb x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2006): You are a home wrecker and waisting your own time. What do you think how his wife is feeling and what she is going through? Try to look in the mirrow each day and see if you can face yourself. It is the worst thing you can do to his wife and children.
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (9 September 2006):
 Of course he wont leave his wife, he is having the best of both worlds, dont you think that you need to end this affair? You are both hurting his wife, its not fair to her that for 5 years she has been sharing her husband with another woman unbeknowns to her. My dear, you can find happiness with someone who is SINGLE. Treat yourself better, you are young and you ought to have true happiness not be with some guy who is committed to someone else. xXx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): lucky you i was in love with a married man my se3lf and how i wish somehtinghad happended iam the same age as you 28 and i long for excitement but listen babe he is using you and doesn't love you your just his bit on the side and his wife is the real thing he will nevr leave her as she is his true love you aren't. so if were you leave this man alone dump him for a man who can reciprocate your love. I will tell you a story there was a woman who fell for a married man they had fling the next thing is that she is so infatuated with him leeps ringing him won't leave him alone the next thing i heard is he got hold of her and told her to leave hiom alone sayong to her it was a one off that he didn't fancy her and he shook her so hard and droped her that was what he did toi her so do not let thatb happen to you also becareful with his wife you are playing with fire woemn can be dangerous when they know there is another woman on the scene i i have heard of alot of incidents particularly one involving boiling oil apparently she was scarrred for life the mistress dangerous very dangerous ngame you are playing.
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female
reader, Green_Eyez +, writes (8 September 2006):
This man doesn't love you - he loves having 2 women on the go to fulfill his every selfish need. Do you honestly think after 5 years he is suddenly going to up-sticks and leave his wife for you? Trust me, you're flogging a dead horse with this one honey and you are never going to get the genuine love and commitment you clearly crave from this man. You've wasted 5 years on this man. Do you really want to be sat there another 5 years from now, at the age of 33, knowing most of your best years are behind you and still being what is essentially alone without a true companion.
Wake up and smell the bulls***, this guy is a liar and a cheat and whilst he's got his wife at home looking after him and you waiting in the wings for illicit fun and sex, he's never, ever going to be the one to pull the plug on this relationship. He loves his wife - he'd have left her by now if he didn't and you can bet your life he's still sleeping with her as well.
You need to find the strength to get rid of this creep and find yourself a decent man.
Good Luck!
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female
reader, shania +, writes (8 September 2006):
 Statiscally,if a married man is having a affair and he hasn't left his wife after 6 months then chances are he probably wont.You have been his mistress for 5 years and i can bet your bottom dollar that he is having sex with his wife as well.Your his bit on the side.He gets stability and his underpants washed every day while you provide the excitement...lucky man!..he has no reason to leave.If you want a proper committed relationship then i suggest you walk away from this dead end affair.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): Hun, you have wasted 5 years of your life on a married man who has no intention of leaving his wife. You have blindly stepped over the line, and now you are feeling the consequences and you will continue feeling this emptiness, until you step back and open your eyes. If he's strung you along for 5 years, he will never be there for you, dear. The position you crave and want in his life...is already taken. A man who begins a relationship while he still has a wife at home, has no integrity. If he was a good, honorable man--then the mere thought of an affair with another woman would tear him apart. Look inside yourself and ask why you allowed this man into your life and for so long? Could it be because you had nothing, could it be you were very lonely. Well, dear--you still have nothing and you are still lonely. Make the best decision with your life and just move on...without him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): Dear Shazza:
I can't believe you have hung on this long girl.
Five years is a long time to have an affair with someone and if he hasn't left her yet, I can almost bet he's not going to now or ever! Why should he? His life is Wonderfull! He's got his home life then he's got you on the side. An affair is nothing like a lifetime commitment. He doesn't have to share a house with you, bills, careers, kids?, etc.. etc.. Its the thrill of being with you and having all of his emotional, physical needs fufilled that he's not getting at home.
He probably does love you, but its also his way of getting you to hang on a little bit longer. Kind of like telling you..what you would want to hear.
Tell this guy its over once and for all and walk away with your dignity intact.
With 6 billion people on the planet your certain to meet someone who can commit solely to YOU!
Good Luck Hun!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): hi there, i was exactly in the same situation..i know it shard when someone declares their love and somehow their actions dont follow. If you can, talk to him. If he really loves you then he should be thinking abt ur happiness too...which means he has to give u the love that u deserve not anyone else. n that also means living a relationship that matters to him. not for show only.trust me its hard but end of the day , if u truly value urself , you will find the answer ..of moving on ; if he still doesnt want to leave his wife.
you be brave gal and good luck...d
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male
reader, Robin +, writes (7 September 2006):
Chances are he will not leave his wife!
There could be several reasons for this, perhaps he wants his cake and to eat it.
How about fear of recrimination from his spouse, financial security, children? The burden of additional financial strain, mortgage, supporting an ex-wife and or child/ren could well end your relationship sooner than you think! You know more than I! Do you feel that you are being taken for a fool or do you think that he really loves you?
Are you brave and committed enough to gently confront him and find out his deep rooted feelings and if you are being used just walk away or put up with the situation without further complaint?
Many men have lovers, and so do many women!
Discreet relationships can work wonderfully and in fact some relationships thrive on the danger element but ONLY if it suits both parties.
Alternatively you could just accept things for what they are and enjoy the time that you have together, if you need a more commited relationship you may well have to look elsewhere.
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