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female
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anonymous
writes: I am feeling really sad right now :( A few weeks ago I met this guy and we hit it off instantly. We started dating and I grew to like him a lot- he was so nice and sweet, treated me well, was gorgeous...But then he was offered a place to live overseas in a few months time with a friend who would help him to pursue his music career- he's in a band and it's his dream to 'make it big'. My new boyfriend also liked me a lot, and could see it going somewhere, so he asked his friend if the invitation was open for me also, so if we were still together then, then I would have the option of going with him. Unfortunately the answer was no. We discussed the possiblity of breaking up when he leaves, but he thought that it might be so hard that he wouldn't want to go, and also it wouldn't be practical if I were to go there anyway but not live with him as I would basically be dropping everything for a boyfriend i'd see once a week if I was lucky, as he would be working every night and have to focus a lot on his music. The thing is, we are both pretty upset and are still txting each other, and still "thinking about it". I don't know what to do- is it best to leave things as they are, or would it be worth the risk if we feel a lot for each other? I don't want to stand in the way of his dreams, but in a way it seems silly to break up when it was going so well... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (8 September 2006):
 Hi Anon,
If neither of you want to break up and it's not an option to go live where he will be, you could always try a long distance relationship. They don't always work, but it's always worth a try.
I know two people who have had long distance relationships. They both lasted four years and they are now both married! It's funny and cute at the same time because one couple actually didn't even spend more than two days at a time together and their first time being together for longer than that was after they took their vows! And the other one of those relationships was about a month old when the couple had to split their seperate ways. Every time they saw each other it was wonderful and they valued each other much more.
The down side is that you and your man might grow apart. But the "good" thing about that is this relationship is still in the very early stages so if you grow apart, it would not hurt as bad as if you two had been together several years.
If you're both very happy with each other, then is there really a reason that you are even considering breaking up before he leaves?
I hope it all works out for you. I've been in your situation and I know how hard it can be. Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): I'm 20 if that helps, and so is he. I guess our options are to end the relationship properly and move on, continue to see each other until he leaves and break up then, or see how we feel about each other when it is time for him to go with the option of me going with him but being able to hardly ever see him, or try long distance. I know logically it's best for both of us to move on right now, but it's hard.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): Wooo, hold on a minute. You guys met a few weeks ago?
You would be very foolish indeed to give up anything in your life for a guy you barely even know. I know you are getting on "so well" but a lot of couples do, in the first few weeks.
Your message was a bit unclear about what your options actually are. But I would say, if you really like this guy, the only real thing you can do is arrange to visit each other every now and again, and stay in contact via email or something.
To save a lot of heart ache, and the probability that it won't work out I (personally) would be inclined to put this down to experience and move on. Remember the things you liked about him and look for them in someone else. You two just don't have any proper history together to commit to any kind of long distance relationship nor can you really expect the other person to move countries for you, it's just completely unreasonable.
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A
male
reader, Robin +, writes (7 September 2006):
How old are you anon?
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