A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I work at a place where romantic relationships between employees are banned. I know this woman there, we've both been there for many many years, been friends all this time. I know she has a romantic attraction for me and I am attracted as well. We have spent a little time together away from work, but nothing romantic. We are both older and single, I feel like we're going to miss out, we'd lose our jobs if a romantic relationship developed and got caught. I don't know if management would react harshly being we're both going to retire in the next 4 years and we are not young and not causing problems for anyone. Our jobs are different and have nothing to do with each other. So, would you discuss this with the management, would you keep it under wraps or would you walk away from what could be a wonderful thing for both of us?
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2014):
 Keep it under wraps... perhaps one of you can retire early or find a new job?
i say this only due to your age... 4 years is not long
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 I agree, it's not impossible to keep a relationship a secret if you are smart about it. I would not mention it at work or you are just giving your company a stick with which to beat you with.
It's really nobody elses business but your own so go for it and be happy :-) x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): Go for it BUT be extremely disciplined and careful about how you both behave at work. What the others are saying is true - people talk for all sorts of reasons and loyalties change over time, even over a four year period. You are both mature enough to be able to behave professionally, just be very careful not to let anything slip whilst at work.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 February 2014):
 Even if it weren't banned, there are many reasons why workplace relationships are at best a hindrance to performance or advancement and at worst a potentially career-ending conflict of interest.
When they are lateral (among peers of the same level), what happens when one becomes boss? When someone transfers? What if you had to apply for the same promotion? You would make decisions you wouldn't if you kept work and romance separate. It's also food for gossip as well as awkward drama if there is a breakup or an affair.
When they are hierarchal (boss/subordinate), it gets a lot dicier, and things like sexual harassment, hostile work environment, nepotism, lawsuits (especially in the US), threat of firing if the relationship goes sour, abuse of power, inability to manage the employee you're in a relationship in, and I could go on and on.
At your age, you are indeed at more of a twilight trajectory in your careers, but consider this. In the US, you may find it tougher to rebound if you're found out and lose your jobs, leaving a significant gap between retirement benefits kicking in and the end of your career.
You have learned the art of patience, having lived beyond the impatience and instant gratification of immaturity. It won't be long before you will be free to explore the relationship in the open. I would suggest keeping it platonic until then, but staying close. Consider your contingencies if you both can't control yourselves, but if you make the decision to be together, do not chance it in the office. Don't do any stupid moves there like notes, long looks, things couples do to try to keep it a secret but risking at every turn. Trust me, as clever as you can be, you'll fool almost no one anyways, so don't do anything like emails or even meaningful conversation there so there will be no proof.
Even if you're older, they will care because of the example they would need to make of you. If you can't help it, be even colder and more distant to each other at the office. It would even help if you both put on the charade of disdain for each other in the workplace. Eventually, people will wake up and smell the pheromones anyways, but you may buy time.
If you two were any younger, I'd say don't even think about it. However, against my better judgment, and if you can be patient, careful, and prudent, and you both have the discipline to enact "don't ask don't tell", then you only live once. I wish you well. Be CAREFUL!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (27 February 2014):
No one at work has to know. Tell no one. Most businesses say it to cover there own butts from sexual harassment lawsuits - but it should not stop you too from living a happier life - together.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): Its difficult but I'd either leave the job, forget the woman, or wait till you retire, (unless one of you leaves the job for another job)nit way too much of a risk! Having a r/ship now, even if you don't work together, someone will find out, they will, guaranteeed, your boss and higher management don't approve, don't talk to them, talking to them may put your job at risk, they will be watching you. This r/ship could cost you your job, maybe your pension and the respect of your boss. Doesn't matter how hard you try to keep it secret people will find out! it happened in my workplace, with two younger people I work with, the news spread like wildfire and everyone was gossiping, people will do this to you too.Don't risk it! if you love her, you will wait or leave the job, think of yourself too. Sorry if this sounds negative but think of your financial future! don't risk losing your job over this woman
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (27 February 2014):
I'd keep it under wraps. If you discuss it with management, then it would probably get around because someone always has loose lips and some dramatic person will turn it into a big ordeal. So I'd just keep it under wraps and just make sure it isn't ever obvious at work and make sure it doesn't interfere with your work.
...............................
|
