A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:The infatuation and excitement of a new relationship does not last for years and years, but a lot of people don't seem to understand that.I feel like I probably won't find someone who understands that long relationships are not rainbows and butterflies all the time, I feel like 90% of the people I get with are just going to get bored and leave eventually anyway, and that's why I'm hesitant to get into a relationship again. That's why I never wanna get married. It's making me hesitant to go out with a really nice guy who I really like and who really likes me. I just figure that one day, he's going to lose interest after being with me for so long. I want someone who will stay even after the sparks die down and who will still love me after that. They don't have to be perfect (perfect is impossible anyway) but I just want someone who will stick with me even when the relationship is not as exciting; I know I'm capable of sticking with someone I love when times get tough and when the honeymoon phase is over. But I feel like finding someone who will do that is very unlikely. I know I'm young but I've seen my parents go through all this also with their divorce and all the new relationships they enter and they are in their late 40's. I'm happy being single and happy with myself but now when a guy shows interest in me, even if I like him back, I get way too scared and push him away. How can I break this way of thinking and is what I want really out there?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 In the Ancient Times, there was three levels of games designed for the education of Pharaohs and higher personalities, like nobles, priests, architects.
1) The snakes and ladders: it's a game based on hazards and random (by the way "hazard" means "random" in modern french, and it's etymology is "he played at dices" in classic arab). The lesson is that anything may happen, and one has to be ready to the best as well as to the worst. There is no decision left to the one who just leave it up to the chance.
2) When young intellectuals did well learn their lesson (when they did well their "home works" as they say these days) they accessed to the next level: the checkers. It's a very simple game with very simple rules (yet "simple does not equal to "easy"). There are just two kinds of pawns, and it's eating or being eaten. The player has to learn to take good decisions and the best ones to that games ended up to access to the ultimate level:
3) Chess. A chess master is a person who knows how to use every kind of weapon, technique, strategy available. He(r) must take some hard decision sometimes like sacrificing some of his best pawns in order to escape or making traps. He has to foresee at two, three, four, five moves. The farther the best.
What's to say ? That people - alas, three times alas ! - are for the vast majority "snakes and ladders" players. They mainly rely on chance, their health, their youth, their "seduction power" and fly from pleasure to pleasure until they are not able to do it anymore. Everything that is not in relation with pleasure is seen by them as "boring", "annoying", "disturbing" even the idea of a happiness on the long run for to make it happen they'd have to give up some of their bad manias. And they don't want to.
For your part, you are looking for a checker (or even a chess) master and I'm made to agree with you. Pleasures are spices, but just spices to make the meal more interesting to eat, yet the real meal/goal should be a solid happiness.
Unfortunately, like another OP complained recently (a male one !) the times are not to "serious" lovers, and love is every day more and more made a dorky ideal. Consequently finding something good for you won't be that easy, but I hope you will find him out soon. Once it will be done, you will understand how precious is your take, and how lucky you are... lucky and/or more mature than people twice your age.
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