A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im 22 and I have a boyfriend of 4 years, we had a bad patch and i met another man gave him my number been emailing alot etc, hes a great laugh we have not done anything we just have the same personality, things got better with my boyfriend but im still incontact with this other guy, still texting and emailing, the new guy found out i have a boyfriend but still wants to carry on talking and emailing becoz he said we clicked so well and get on great, im just confused now as to why im incontact with this man, ive done nothing wrong yet..but im scared if i carry this on i could get feelings for the new guy, and end up getting used and then losing my good boyfriend!
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (12 May 2009):
 Well sorry to be the one to say this but yes you have done something wrong, you are emotionally cheating on your boyfriend. Whilst physically you have not done anything with him, you still went out there, met someone new and started a relationship with him. This is wrong - just because times get hard does not mean you can just meet a new guy, flirt with him for a while until things get better with your boyfriend!
Relationships all have their ups and downs, they all have times when you think it is not working and they all have great times too. But the key to successful relationships is working at them - not giving up so easily and giving out your number to other people! How would you feel if you found out today that your boyfriend has been chatting to some other girl that he gave his number to when you had your rough patch? I think you would be really hurt that he went off and sought what he should have been getting from you from another girl. You wouldnt believe him when he said "we were only talking" and you would find it hard to trust him ever again.
So now is the time for damage limitation if you want to save this relationship. Stop the contact with the new guy all together. He is not worth throwing away 4 years for, no matter how well you get on. Tell him you are sorry but you cannot continue talking to him, that you are sorry if you led him on and wish him all the best. Do not tell your boyfriend - this will probably lead to him ending things or if you are lucky he will just never trust you again and make you pay for this for the rest of your life. If this boyfriend is as "good" as you say, then you wouldnt even have to ask this question. Stand by him, and do what is right, by forgetting the other guy.
The other man is just a fantasy - you get on great so you conjure up this vision of "what could be" and in reality this would never happen. If you love your boyfriend then nothing else matters, put this down to a little blip in your judegment and move on.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, bellaaddison  +, writes (12 May 2009):
Your new friend offers just that- newness. You're still quite young so there's plenty to learn yet about life and love. The best advice I can offer is to value what you have with your boyfriend. Relationships change and grow as they develop. That new and exciting feeling evolves into comfort and security. There are times that we may long for that exciting pleasure that comes from a new relationship but what's important to remember is that sooner or later that fades with every relationship. If we're lucky, it fades into strength. It sounds to me like you have that in your current relationship. Don't allow yourself to become vunerable to the curiosity and challenge that your new friend offers. Remember, the goal of any relationship is to withstand time... the newness will always dissipate. Love is what should be left in it's place.
Take Care,
Bella
xoxo
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