A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can't stop feeling jealous when my boyfriend speaks to other girls. I've been with him for over a year now and although I don't like to throw the word love around I'm happy to say I don't want to be leaving him for a very long time :)The problem is about 2 months into our relationship he'd been lying to me and meeting this girl however I didn't find out about this till a few months back. I never had a problem with him speaking to anyone else or meeting them as long as I knew about it so I wasn't shocked or waiting for him to get to mine or for him to ring me.I explained that it doesn't bother me if he just lets me know that he's going out with them so I'm not waiting to know if I can see him or not. He promised that he would do this however the whole time he's been with me he's made so many female friends and flirts with them that I'm getting really jealous. He was never this way before I was with him, he was always shy and kept himself to himself but now he's so different. He's constantly texting girls, meeting up with them and taking them out in his car.I understand he needs friends both male and female but I hate the way he is with them and I can't stand any of the girls he talks to now. My mum doesn't like him because she says that he's got me right where he wants me and that he knows he can get away with anything and at the beginning if he thought he was going to lose me then he'd do anything to make it up but now he tells me to go if i have a problem cuz plenty other girls want him. It makes me so insecure but I really want to stay with him. Is there anything I can do to stop this jealousy or is it something that is going to ruin my relationship and even ones I have in the future?
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female
reader, intoyour_arms  +, writes (17 April 2011):
hey my boyfriend and i were having a problem very similar to this (i also posted here asking for advice). everyone told me that i should just talk to him about it, tell him my insecurities and that it makes me upset when he flirts with this other girl... so i did.
It may be hard to admit it but you really need to talk to him about and decide for yourself whether he is worth all this anxiety you are going through and you may go through in the future.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (14 April 2011):
Hey OPI'm sorry about this situation. I've got to say, though, that in my opinion your mum is spot on. At first he was keen to please, but now you say yourself that you don't want to be leaving him for a long time, even though he is making you unhappy with his behaviour, which you are just putting up with.I don't think your jealousy is out of place here; I'm sure your bf likes having his cake and eating it, basically. He's got a girlfriend, but can hang out with as many girls as he wants and probably loves the attention. I think you are mistakenly making your jealousy the cause of the problem and not your bf's actions. I don't think he is showing you enough respect, because basically he knows he can get away with what he's doing.It's fine for guys to have friends of the opposite sex, which you yourself have pointed out and seem happy with. But your bf seems to be taking it to another level from what you say. It's not your jealousy that's ruining your relationship, and there's no reason why it should in the future. I consider that your feelings are completely justified.To be honest, you have to decide whether you want to be with a guy like this. Have you told him how you feel? If so what has he said. The first thing you need to do is let him know his behaviour is making you unhappy and see what he says. To be honest though, I think he's immature and like the attention. I would move on and find somebody else. Moral of this story: listen to your mum! Good luck.
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A
male
reader, macdubh712  +, writes (14 April 2011):
If he is lying to you to meet girls then you cannot trust him right now and the likelihood that he will change is not good. You are 16 - 17 so I am assuming that he is around the same age. Being a guy myself I'd say that being faithful is probably the furthermost thing from his mind right now...However, if you want to try to work on this then you need to TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. STRAIGHT UP. You need to let him know that you don't mind if he has female friends (if you really don't mind) but he needs to be honest with you about who he talks to and hangs out with. You also need to tell him that "THE NEXT TIME YOU LIE TO ME WE ARE DONE." Then, if he does lie to you again you need to KEEP YOUR WORD. If you say this to him but you do not put your money where your mouth is when and if that time comes then you lose credibility and respect in his eyes. Respect yourself, don't tolerate this sort of behavior. Only you can get respect for yourself. You have to demand it of others and always return it because no one is going to get it for you.
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Well I can see why your jealous. Its to some degree a natural response and he's inflaming it. You have been with him a long time since this initial incident occurred but has he continued with the lying? I can understand why this would fan the flames of jealously because underlying it is insecurity which has been caused by his lying to you. I'm inclined to mostly agree with your mum. The flirting isnt on either; not when your with somebody. Your being very understanding from what your saying here but there is such a thing as giving an inch and people then taking a yard. He is taking the mick. It maybe that your relationship has given him confidence he lacked but he should be sharing that with you, not using it to get attention from other females. It seems the polls have swapped and your the one who has invested more in this relationship now than he is doing. His attitude doesnt speak well of him as a person at all (sorry to be harsh) nor how he feels about you. I wouldnt say to somebody I really cared about just go and I fear you may have to face the fact he feels less for you than you do for him. Sorry. You want to save the relationship. Ok, you can try. If you dont talk to him and lay down the law with this then the jealously will consume him but I suspect when you start to raise this he will just let you go. I'd like to think you can for your sake but I will be honest, it might be best to walk away now or else it is going to drain you so badly of self-confidence it will damage you for a long time to come. Maybe if you go he will realise what he has lost and things will change...I hope for your sake they do but and i'm sorry to say this, for your own sanity I dont think there is any way to save this as things are and it maybe better in the long run (though it will hurt like hell at the beginning) to leave now before you get even more badly hurt.Good luck and take care.
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