A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf currently puts his job before me. I can deal with this for the time being, but I am more worried about the future. If he's always going to put his job before me, Im not sure if I want to be with him. Please help. :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, KRSMouse  +, writes (12 December 2010):
It depends entirely on the job. I am in exactly the same situation. My boyfriend constantly puts his job before me, I get cancelled on atleast twice a week. I wouldn't mind if he were a doctor, and had to go save a life, but he's a barman!
If he has a job that is demanding and 'important', or that he can't get out of doing if he gets told he has to, then you just have to accept it. it depends hugely on his attitude too, is he putting it before you but if he miserable that he has to? or is he enjoying work more than time with you?
If his job isn't life changing, and if you believe he isn't pressured to work the hours he does, then i'd have it out with him. If he's doing it cause he has no choice, or to give you a better life, then i'd respect him for it.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (2 December 2010):
 What do you mean he is putting his job before you? In what way is he putting his job before you?
People need jobs to live because jobs give them money, so I'm not understanding how he is putting his job before you.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (2 December 2010):
In this job climate he needs to work as hard as he can to keep it. Heck I see government employee actually working trying to keep theirs. When you’re in a relationship sometimes you have to compromise and act as an adult. It hard out in the real world and it’s not all fun and games. How would you like it if he was one of the millions filling out application in hopes for a job? When you’re in a relationship you need to support each other, High school is over and now he has to make it on his own. I say if you see a career or a job as a problem within a relationship then you must move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): In what way does he put his job before you? It's important that you elaborate on this point as what you're seeing may not be what the rest of us would see in the same way.
At the moment, my OH is staying away for a week for work. He's having to do this every other week at the moment whilst I stay at home alone and look after our family. My contact with him is pretty minimal whilst he's away - texts during the day (but by no means every five minutes - more like one every few hours) and a phone call in the evening. I could construe this as putting his work before me, but you know what? I don't. He's working incredibly hard, long hours and staying away in order that he can give us a better life.
Every day when he's not working away, he comes home late as he's working overtime - again, I could feel sidelined, but I don't, as I know how hard he's working so we can have the best life we can afford at the moment. He's working like this now in the hope that, in a couple of years, we'll have a bigger house, more money to be able to spend when we want and on what we want (we're by no means 'poor', but we really don't have anything in the way of spare money).
What we make sure we do is eat a proper meal together every evening when he's home and then sit together and talk or just watch a film and take the occasional 'date night' to make sure we keep that closeness and don't find resent building up.
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