A
female
age
51-59,
*atherine2081
writes:Hi I have posted before and had great help from members I need advice again. My Husband treated me terribly over the last two and a half years we have been together there has been lies, being tight with money not bothering with my kids getting another house so he can see his kids but then not contributing to my home where I livewith my two kids and his baby. Not bothering with the baby etc. He hasa tried to improve over the last six months he stopped going out (he had cheated when out before), tried to bother with my kids (although this still feels stilted slightly on times). A couple of weeks ago we had got to the point where we could move back in together he decided not to complaining he wanted to be put on my tennancy agreement which I would not do as I lost my home before as he left and would not pay. So I decided the relationship was not going anywhere, and I ended it. I was faced with a might en slought of him crying saying he cant go on without us his family were ringing me saying they never saw him like this before. I was strong to a point he said he realised howstupid he has been and asked if he could move in I said no I said if he has changed he has to show me. I have taken a job which is self sufficient for the kids and I to be independent. My Husband came away with me on a course to look after the baby. When we got home to my house I packed up his clothes he had taken away with him to bring to his house. He was offended saying I was packing him off but I stood fast. He now is back to staying at mine every night but I dont trust him. He had slept with his ex when I first met him so am suspicious when he has contact with her outside of his kids. He has given her lifts to the shops before when picking up the kids which was inappropriate. On Sunday he dropped his kids off and was an hour and a half when it should have taken half hour he said when he got there she said she needed shopping despite the fact she had been a free agent all day she does not drive but he said he waited with kids until she walked to shop. He came back with wipes for the baby he said he bought at another shop. I was worried where he was he started going on that there must be trust between us. Then on Monday I was in London with work he t me and said he had concert tickets for us for his daughters christmas play. I said how did you get those.He said his ex had rung in morning to say the tickets were available and he went to school to get them. I later checked his phone but her number was not on it all others were there was no message on his answering machine. I confronted him had he been to his ex as he did not have her tell number on his mobile phone had broken he got really funny saying she had rung him there was a number on missed calls not calls and prob a message. I have checked both again but its not there. I am not saying he is having an affair with her but if he is going to start lying again I see it as a problem he may just be worried top say he went up there as his kid was sick the day before but kid had gone to school so it was just her there. I really dont know whether to keep trying. Even if it does work social services have said they will interview my kids to see if they are happy with him moving back in as they came before as my Health Visitor said he was not bothering with my kids. They know I am a good Mum but they know history they cant devulge and worry about his involvement with my kids. He maintains he has changed and will try to make me see he says he worries something may spoil us. Do I try or not
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affair, christmas, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 He seems to have a swag of 'issues'. And he's not bonding with your children. And you know him really well, and the signs and the inconsistencies of what he is telling you suggest that yes, yes he may be staying a little longer to re-bond with the ex. I think he's uttered one too many lies by my standard. And you sound a responsible good woman. With high
standards.
If your intuition, and based on your past
experiences with him, suggest he's playing up - then you are probably correct.
True love should not need checking.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 If am honest with you which i will be then i honestly dont see much point in this relationship. At the end of the day there has to be trust, and its obvious that he has left you insecure and you just dont trust him. It does sound like he makes up little lies about his ex, probably so you dont get jelous but it turns in to a vicious circle were you end up trusting him less and less. I honestly think you need to ask yourself will you ever trust this man 100% again, if not then i think its time you forgot about him and moved on, let him see his child and thats all. I think it would be better for you, and also for your children as this cant be good for them either.Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): This is all complicated, trying to pick the bones out of your long letter. You seem to have tried over time to make this relationship work, and it is still rocky. You have given him chances, so only you can decide when you have reached the end of the line. How much more time are you prepared to go on with something you clearly are not happy with. Maybe set yourself a deadline. And then be firm and committed to it. Your children derserve stablity if nothing else. Best of luck.
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