A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has stopped talking to me, it has been 2 weeks. He talks to me one day and then the next he dissapears. I asked him what was going on, why was he ignoring me all these days and he said it's because he is battling depression. I know that his life at the moment is a bit depressing, living with his parents, having problems at his work-place, having to loan money to his parents due to the bad economic situation they are going through. I asked him if this had anything to do with me, since he had been ignoring me for 4 days in a row... he said, it has nothing to do with me. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it or if he wanted more space and he said that it didn't matter. I don't know what to do.I love my boyfriend very much and I am trying to give him his space and to be there for him, but he is the same way. I am starting to feel sad and depressed, feeling like he doesn't care about me anymore. I don't know how to help him, how to tell him I am here for him. And at the end I feel he doesn't love me anymore. What is going on? what to do in this situation? He is the love of my life, but this is killing me. I try to understand him, but I feel him so distant. I don't know if this has anything to do with his age, him being 21 and going through a phase? I am desperate
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): I know exactly what you're going through. My boyfriend of 4 years, who has given me the world. has all of a sudden up and stopped talking to me. I know he is depressed because of the same financial problems and having to live with his crazy parents, but I am going through the same thing. I do not understand why he acts this way and I have to deal with it. my boyfriend hasn't spoken to me in about 4 days also. When I call him he makes brief conversations and that's all I get. He is very upset about recently totally my car for drunk driving, but most would think I would have been more depressed. I, like you, love him very much, but I don't know how much longer I can deal with the pain of his depression and feeling as though i'm being pushed to the back burner. Please let me know how things are going with your relationship.
A
female
reader, melanie0083 +, writes (20 September 2009):
 being addicted to RX is more than likely to effect his personality. It makes you feel more distant from the world and make you not want to do things like normal everyday people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah, I don't think there is another woman in his life. He would have said something about it, we are very open about that kind of stuff. however, he is addicted to RX, I am well aware about it, and that has been another issue he has been depressed about before. But, we have always talked about it and he has always my support on whatever he wants to do... but this time around he is keeping everything to himself.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (19 September 2009):
 I agree with Candleman in large measure and only have to add this much.
Your boyfriend if he is suffering from depression, should not be off alone like this. Loneliness feeds depression and if he's clinically depressed, then doing this without medication can be very hard on him and leave him reeling in agony.
Clinical depression is a common illness and sometimes it only occurs occasionally and sometimes its a lifetime illness.
I can see from everything you wrote that you truly do love him. Watching him suffer like this is hurting you terribly.
One way to handle this is to find a way to meet with him. Try and see if you can lovingly and gently talk to him about his behavior. Tell him that you want to help him and you'll do whatever it takes but that you don't want him to suffer alone.
He may say some pretty nasty things, but whatever he says, be kind to him and don't judge him. Just be there for him. If he knows you're there to help him and are willing to accept whatever it is that's hurting him as he problem, then you'll be able to open him up and see what the two of you can do to help him out and end his suffering.
One way you could help is to go with him to a doctor, therapist or nurse practitioner and see if he needs medication for this.
If he needs therapy, maybe you can be there with him. If he knows you're fighting for him, then it may make him feel more comfortable dealing with this.
But in either event, he does need some help and getting that help's very important.
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A
female
reader, melanie0083 +, writes (19 September 2009):
i was diagnosed depression and put on lexapro (anti-depressant) the medicine helped, but you need to "talk" your problems out...It will do more damage keeping them inside you. "space" for me only feed to the depression. He needs to talk to a doctor and get on medications that will aide him through this.
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (19 September 2009):
 I am going to write assuming that it is depression that is the underlying reason, though it could be other things like another woman, drug abuse etc. Depression is devastating having experienced this for myself. Given the distance that he has placed between you two, then what you can do is very very limited. The first thing is to try to get him to see a therapist especially if he has insurance that will cover it. If he doesn't know if his insurance covers it, then try to find out for him. If he can't pay for it, then offer to pay for it if you can. Medications help, but they can be costly (again if you can pay for it then offer this to him.) As important is being able to talk to someone that you know will keep it to themselves. When you leave a therapist office, it can be like a cleansing to get the problems off your chest. They also can help plan a strategy if certain things in your life are the root of the depression. Keep tyring to be there for him. Let him know you're there. Send him flowers, text messages, etc. little things that say I'm here for you. When you are around him, try to get him to open up to you so you can understand his problems more. If you can do this, then try to find solutions to the problem. Keep pushing for a therapist if he isn't seeing one. Ask him to write his problems down and send them to you. Tell him to write a journal or something. Anything that can help him get his problems from the inside to the outside. Even if he doesn't share it with you, it can help him release his problems and possibly analyze them. If you can afford it, try to get him to go away someplace with you. Even if its just a cheap bead and breakfast or a hotel room in another town, just getting away could help. Pay for this if you can. Find books on depression and read them in order to understand the condition more and find possible solutions to both of your problems. Remember library books are free (though if he is really depressed he may not return them so buy a book.) Look up support forums for people living with loved ones with depression. Send him links to quality support forums for people living with depression. Buy him a book on depression and send it to him. Research articles online and send them to him. There is only so much you can do and at some point you may have to draw a line to be fair to yourself. Read the books and you'll understand more.Good Luck
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