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male
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anonymous
writes: I am married with a child. I have a loving wife but I feel sexually attracted to a lifelong friend whom I have known for over 15 years. We are very close and she has a child as well. Our kids play together and she and my wife hang out a lot. She knows I have feelings for her. Thing is, whenever I had problems she advised me what to do. Her boyfriend is rather childish and gives her uphill yet she won't leave him cause she loves him. I don't want to pursue her as I am already committed. Thing is, when we were together at school etc I never looked at her but since we are both working I find her sexually attractive. Not just that she has a great personality and she is wonderful to be with her. I wish my wife wasn't like her. My wife is harsh with words, doesn't like having sex too much, maybe once a month, and always complains about life or things. Whereas my friend is always supportive,caring,warm hearted and always happy. We had sex once and were both a bit intoxicated yet we both enjoyed it and never spoke of it again. We don't regret it. Thing is I am happy but I am happier with her. In her company I have no troubles. What can or should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2005): Sorry but you already made your marriag worse having sex with this woman. If you and the other woman want to persue a relationship you both owe it to your spouses and children to leave the relationship you are in first. My guess is it wont be near as wonderful when its not forbidden love anymore. Perhaps if your family is important to you you might consider trying to fix your marriage before you consider anything else and for heaven's sake stay away from the other woman for now or you wont stand a chance at fixing your own relationship.
A
female
reader, pinksoftkitten +, writes (12 July 2005):
Hi. Since you have already slept with your friend, I think you are close enough to talk to her about the way you feel, and find out if she feels the same. Are you both prepared to leave your spouses to be together, or not. If not, then I would recommend you enjoy this friends company, in the presence of your wife as much as poss, and work on your marriage. Think of this woman as a very good friend, and treat her as such, but put all notions of her as a partner out of your mind, unless you are both prepared to leave your partners and come clean, that you want to be together.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (12 July 2005):
 I can understand you feeling happier with your friend than your wife and being sexually attracted to her but there are people very likely to get hurt if you pursue her. It is even worse that there are children involved. In addition to this, your friend loves her partner although I wonder whether she was with him when she had sex with you.
You need to look long and hard at your own marriage. Are there any reasons for your wife to be the way she is? Is she depressed, unhappy with her life?
Have you considered couples counselling to solve any issues between you?
Don't even consider embarking on an affair, consider your marriage first. Try to work on it and if you really aren't happy, then consider leaving your wife and remaining in contact with your child. Even if you do this, it wouldn't be right to pursue your wife's friend as she is involved with someone else. Additionally, she shouldn't even be considering anything with you because she herself is involved and your wife is her friend!
Limit the time greatly that you spend with her. Spend more time with your wife sorting out any problems and seriously considering what you want from your future.
Good luck.
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female
reader, mamma +, writes (12 July 2005):
Sort your marriage out first.If it cant be saved then so be it but that doesnt mean you are free to pusue your friend.She doesnt want to leave her partner she loves him she has committed herslf to him so leave her alone.You say you had sex once but you dont say when.If you were both with your partners at the time then maybe she doesnt mention it because she is ashamed of herself.Also there are kids involved as well so that doubles the problem.your wife and this woman are friends and so are the kids.Maybe your wife can see your feelings for this woman and she will be hurting so she might just want to hurt you back.Take a step back from this woman and put all your time and effort into saving your marriage.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (12 July 2005):
Forget about your friend and sort out the problems in your own marriage. There is a resonn your wife is behaving in this manner and you must find out why before you take any further action.
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