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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi I have been married for 2 years now. I have known my wife for 4 years before getting married. Thing is, we were so happy before we got married and everything was good. Yes we had our ups and downs. Now that we married and have a 2 year old kid we tend to fight a lot. I have also picked up her bad habits like when we are upset we take it out on each other. My kid is very energetic and she can't handle this. she sleeps late most Saturdays and always complains about how we don't give her space. I help out with my kid as much as possible but in short, my wife has no patience; she is very hard headed and stubborn. Thing is she never initiates sex. I must always go out of my way: flowers, dinner, gifts etc to receive. In the 6 years we're together she did it about 6 times. It's not spur of the moment. Before I turned to other women for sex but now I am trying to control my urgees. I want to remain faithful but discussing it with her, and I have tried, doesn't work.
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reader, pinksoftkitten +, writes (12 July 2005):
Hi there. Is it possible your wife is depressed, or has she always tended to be this way?? Here is a woman, who's dwarfed by negative feelings, uninterested in sex, arguing, shouting, and finding her 2yr old child too difficult to enjoy. I think you need to tell your wife you've noticed how unhappy she is, and you think she may be a bit depressed. Try to show her some sympathy even though it's hard. Your wife has demands being made on her left, right and centre at the moment, so bear with her, and try to get her some medical help. If she has always been this way, then you need some couples counselling. Tell your wife you've noticed she doesn't seem very happy, and to be honest neither are you, but you love her and your child very very much, and want to work together to improve your lives, and both be much happier.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (12 July 2005):
You have to tell your wife that you are not happy. Make her listen and ask if theres anything on her mind. Take turns to listen to each others problems. Your wife sounds like she is tired a lot of the time, this may be causing a lot of your problems.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2005): The transition to becoming parents is one of the greatest risks your marriage will encounter. For women especially, marital satisfaction plummets when children enter the picture. Let's face it, regardless of what advance plans and promises couples make or what their past task-sharing arrangements have been, the burdens of childcare and housework fall primarily on mothers once children are born.
Remeber, it is not your wife's job to boost your ego by trying to make you feel "important". You should already know that. You need to get over this insecurity. Yoir young son keeps your wife busy and likely quite tired. The best thing you can do is to be giving her all the support she needs right now. So stop being selfish and worrying about just yourself and your urges. Keep those urges at bay and focus on being a good father and a more understanding husband. She's likely burned out, raising a young child and if you are not doing your bit and encouraging her..loving her...then she's likely just given up. Try to remember "why" you married your wife and start from there.
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