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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:MOD NOTE: Poster is in a vulnerable situation, aunts DO NOT give nasty or negative advice PLEASE!!!Oh my God!Even me myself don't know what to do.I'm 16 years old.For the past year,since I started high school(it's the way in Macedonia-from 15-18 there's high school education,I don't know for other countries)I liked my english teacher.He was kinda cool and laid back.Immediately,I liked him.Because I'm extremely good in languages,soon I became his favorite.I was catching him staring at me a lot,smiling at me all the time and sometimes,it seemed like he was talking only to me during a lesson.Sometimes,we would have debate on topic of love anf bfs and gfs and it was like,he was interested did I liked someone,how I was acting if I did and etc,like he wanted to know how do I act when I'm in love.Last two months of the last school year we became remarkably close.We went all alone on some state level competition in English and then we found out how simmilar we were.We had so many topics to talk about.The following month or so,we spent literally the whole time together,working on school projects and stuff.One day,I don't even know how it happened,it's all blur to me,we kissed.We were walking together in the school halls after class toward his class room and after we reached our destination,suddenly we were kissing.When I felt his lips on mine,God it was all I ever wanted in my whole life!I accepted his kiss and deepened it.I don't know what was on the way to happen if his cell didn't ring.After the kiss,he wasn't awkward,as I was.I felt strange to enter the classroom and wait for him to check my homework after what we've done.We spent the summer totaly separated,not e-mail or phone calls,although I had his number(for those that are gonna say you shouldn't have his number or ew-mail,i'm gonna tell ya.We had to be in touch constantly in the time of the contests and he has some weird system of grading of the essays.We write it at home and send it to his e-mail.That's were from I got those.)After the school year started,they told us that our former divisional teacher (or class teacher if u prefer)retired and our english teacher took his place.My heart fluttered and squeezed tightly at the words.I was asking myself where I was at with him.It turned out that he didn't have anything against being with me and his feelings haven't died out.(And believe me,I can literally 'smell' person's emotions and feelings)As they assigned him as our class,he started activating me more and more in afterclass activities.Few weeks ago,those activities turned out to be very,very personal lessons.I had nothing against it.We have had sex and I loved it.It was my first time and he was the lover any girl would want.In the past few weeks we continued with our activity but I don't know how it happened but it did and now I'm pregnant.I was late few days and told him so.He,the nice(now you're gonna say-'nice,right.sleep with minors and you call him nice.')person he was,he bought me pregnancy tests and we both waited for the results,hoping for the best-negative result.But it turned out to be positive.I broke into tears but he held me telling me that everything is gonna be alright which I highly doubt.Plz people,dont judge me telling me what I already know-you'll be judged by the environment,he'll lose his job,you'll be called names,he'll be marked as pedo and stuff like those.I KNOW all of those but still,it happened.And don't write things like-learn how to write letter or essay and then say you're good in languages.Please,understand me that I have zero ounce of strength in meto look out for mistakes.My life sucks.I love him and I'd love to keep the baby.What do you think,should I keep the baby,abort or give it to adoption?I vote for keeping and he said that he's going to be beside me whatever I decide to do.Note:he's not married or have a girlfriend.The age gap between us is 15 years.Again-no judgment!If you jude me,I don't need you.I need healthy advice that could realy help me in the delicate condition I'm now.Best Wishes,Stella
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): all i can say is this; i got pregnant not long back, and had a miscarriage. i was gutted, i still am, so i can't even begin to imagine how painful it would be to have an abortion and lose a baby of my own accord. i know this must be so so hard for you, but at least he is willing to stick by you. but you must really really think hard if you're considering abortion, it's a hard thing to deal with
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reader, xLovex  +, writes (15 November 2009):
hi i just saw this question and I'm wondering how are you feeling about your situation and if you defo. going to keep the baby? ..x
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reader, PC85 +, writes (9 November 2009):
You have had alot of good advice. All you can do is follow your heart. I think you are very brave doing this especially at your age.
I had an abortion at the beginning of this year. Its not something i ever believed in doing but i knew that at the time it was the right thing for me to do. I didn't want to ruin my boyfriends life as having the baby meant he would have to stop doing his degree. If i was to get pregnant again i could never go through with it again.I don't regret what i did but i know it is something that i can never forget about and it will always be with me.
Good luck and i hope everything works out for you. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Ok got yourself in a bit of a problem but at least hes sticking by you.. Right im against abortion so id say no to that if you want to keep it keep it but think it through here is what i would do im not telling you to do it i wouldnt tell my mum and dad that i didnt know who the dad was so that way he can keep his job and wont be known as a peado plan B would be to tell my parents but make them swear not to tell anyone about it because then they will have to support you and a threat or running away would work lol but to be honest thinking about it now maybe an abortion wouldnt be so bad i know its such a bad thing but your in such a mess but if it was me i wouldnt tell my mum or dad who the daddy was im 17 so would be the same for me
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhile we wait for my bf to respond,I'm sure he's going to do it tommorow, I can tell you that I'm about 10 weeks pregnant and I don't think that I'll be able to finish this year studies.As for having support structures,I have my aunt and her family,few very good friends of mine that wouldn't mind my pregnancy and my bf,of course.For now,that's all I have for you for now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): ok stella, we all are waiting for him to respond.
now that you have decided to keep the baby, what happens from now on is critical.
1.how many weeks/mnths pregnant are you?
2.can you still finish this years studies?
3.do you have any support structures? friends/parents
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo,it's not a fantasy and it never was.It's the story of my godamn life!you don't have to believe but i really appreciate the time spent to give me those wonderful answers.those were what i was looking for.i wasn't looking for your mercy!i wanted real advice and i have to say that i got it.i'd congratulate the anonymous that wrote me on november 3 and took time to reply.i really appreciate on every word she wrote.they were wisely choosen,not offending or humiliating and the first thing my bf is going to do when he sees this-he's gonna respond to it.thanks anonymous of the wonderful advices and be sure that i'm gonna keep my eyes open.that's right-the actions is more important than words.As for relying on him-no,never in my life i relied on someone and i'm not abut to start doing it.especially with the kid on the way.i'm pretty sure that he is not going to leave my side but you can never be sure enough.i love him,i really do and i'd be happy if i have the chance to finish my education because of me and because of the baby.i've made my mind-no abortion.i know that abortion is not a dirty word but i just can't live knowing i killed my child and i can't live knowing he'she is happy or sad,abused or humilliated far away from me in another family,with total strangers.we'll do anything in our power to protect this kid and do everything for it.maybe even take drastical steps like moving out and etc...best wishes,stella
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): ok, the MODS have started to post my masterpieces! thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): hey eyes, even if it is somewhat of a fantasy i am as pleased as punch that our strict MODS have decided to post my response. i might add that they seemed to have rejected all the ones i tried to submit in other posts today!!!!!!!!!!!! So much for my eye opening masterpieces!!!!!!!
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reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 At the risk of getting aunts angry at me, I've got to say there is something about this whole post that seems just a tad surreal, like maybe it more fantasy than fact?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Stella, i wrote to you on the 3rd. 1. Thank you for responding.2. You and RCK need to kiss and make up. Being selectively cruel is not helping anyone here. Hey just read the posts where ADULTS SCREW UP and the aunts condone their life choices. At least here you are not having an affair with a married man, not stealing someone elses happiness etc. I am not saying that your situation is not life changing or less severe but merely saying, it could be much worse. 3. Think carefully about college and further education. Do not rely on this Teacher to provide for you. Get this in your head early on in your life- you cannot rely on a man to provide financially. YOU need to make that sacrifice and YOU need to be hungry for that education to better your life. 4. [Even if your Teacher reads this, not concerned about him. This is about you and your life]If you both become committed partners later on, watch him. Watch him because his character is flawed. Yes, teachers who screw around with their students, continue to do so with other girls later on as well. BE REALISTIC ABOUT THIS PLEASE. Just read all the sorry tales from other teenagers whose teachers believe it is their right to educate these girls about sexuality but helping themselves time and time again to innocent virgins, making them feel special and taking advantage of them. These poor girls will only later in life realise what a devastating consequence this teacher grooming and teacher sexual manipulation has on their lives, when they become messed up individuals. You may not want to read this but just be aware of it. What am i trying to tell you in a round about way- Even if you and this teacher have a relationship, KEEP THOSE EYES OPEN. Check up on him if he is not taking advantage of another starry eyes student. Remember it is not words, but actions that reveal the true nature of a person. 5. What have you decided about the baby. You are a mere babe yourself. Please think carefully about an abortion. My words of the previous posts stand in this regard.6. Your parents? What have you decided? 7. THIS IS DIRECTED TO THE TEACHER SINCE SARAH SAID PREVIOUSLY YOU HAVE ALSO BEEN READING THESE POSTS WITH HER –What now? You have a professional reputation. It will go down the drain. Are you prepared for the onslaught of the scandal as it breaks. What are your real intentions to this KID , SHE THINKS OF YOU AS HER HERO. She is in a very very precarious situation. YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. SHE IS A MINOR. How are you going to retify this situation. I am not going to call you a rapist or anything less but I will call you a predator. You are stealing this childs life. She is a mere babe, how the hell do you expect her to get a better education. How the hell do you explain your actions. Mr, this is very serious and you have done this girl a grave injustice in having sex with her and impregnating her. Your professional career is all but over. What are you going to do now? Lastly, Don’t you dare destroy this girls life. Stella, wise choices my darling, wise choices.CHOOSE WISELY.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): you do realize that if you have a baby with this man you will have no future in terms of going to college or getting a job because you'll be stuck with a baby. and then what he leaves you? then what?
it seems to me that you're living in this fantasy that everything's going to great- that you're going to have the baby and the three of you will live happily ever after, but you can't count on that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo all of you people I didn't ask to not tell the truth I just wanted to not being judged.I know what we did was immature from both sides and I know that now the consequences aren't small and I'm not affraid to hear even something like RCK has to say.I'm open to every kind of advice.I really appreciate the anonymous from 3rd of November.She showed me what should I do,showed me the real questions which I should seek for replies and gave me one helluva good advice.I know the situation adn I just asked for advice.I appreciate the time you spent writing this.I appreciate the time ALL of you spent giving me your advice!To answer some of the anonymous questions-we are in gf/bf relationship and we're planning on engagement. :)I realized myself that the lie thing is bad so now is no-no.Also,he is man of his owrd,believe me on that one.I knwo that if he says something that's how's gonna be wheter he likes it or not.And actually,we read all of the replies together,slowly going one after another.really anonymous,he advice you gave me wasn't rude or anything but GOOD!I'm mean great!If more people like RCN spent time writing things like the anonymous did-not harsh but real advice instead of making their own stories I'd be happy.
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reader, RCK  +, writes (3 November 2009):
One day a teacher decided that he would play with the law and put his career on the line. It all started with a passionate kiss he shared with a 16 year old student on their way to his class and the student wanted it so bad that she deepened the kiss. The teacher didn't feel awkward like his student did because he has to continue being her teacher and he didn't want to lose his job. Then things got HOT and the teacher decided to teach the student a special lesson and sexually penetrated the student without a condom on but this can't be confirmed because neither student or teacher know how it happened. It must have been a real good lesson because the student soon learnt that in a few months time she will be getting her graduation gift from her teacher early. But this gift was special because it is the best gift that all couples would love to receive when they had experienced more in life or when they knew the time was right. The teacher held her close and and whispers to her in a deep voice "everything is going to be alright" but the student looked at him in doubt knowing that their lives changed the second the POSITIVE sign appeared on the pregnancy test. The student felt shaky and weak as every ounce of energy slowly left her body then reality started to sink in. The Student decided to come onto Dear Cupid to write her life story and hoped to receive some great advice from strangers from all around the world. But she wanted certain advice that would give her some guidance or help her out and hoped to read something that would give her answers to what she should do. People replied to her post but she didn't like what she read so told them that she didn't want to know this or that she already knew about what they had wrote and it was pretty much a waste of time they replied to her post because she already knew. So again she wrote a list of things she didn't want to hear about and more of her life story hoping that someone will tell her what she wanted to hear. But the reality is no matter how far she looks there is not one single person in this whole world who can tell her how she should live her life or make a decision that could take the life of another that is growing within her. She knows everything already but still hopes to find an answer tha will comfort her or is it really friends that she seeks? Someone she can trust and talk to about her situation. Someone who will listen but not reply. Maybe a shoulder that she can lean on in times that she feels low. But this story now comes to an end and a really hope that this student finds what she is looking for and realizes that as long as she is breathing only she can make that ultimate change and create her own happiness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is not negative or nasty advice, but REAL advice.1. Dear op, firstly stop dictating what advice you want. I am not trying to upset you but i think you are big enough to understand the severity of this situation. As in anything in life sometimes we do not want to hear the truth, so please have an open mind. Also please stop appearing to be rude. You say you know perhaps it all, in fact you don’t, so stop pouting and start listening. If you want to act like an adult then please start listening like one as well. 2. You are 16. Underaged sex with your teacher. You know the REAL legal situation. What does Mr. Teacher know/say about this. 3. How will society perceive him. DID HE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU SEXUALLY?? Be realistic when you answer this. You are concerned that he will be viewed as a paedo, IS HE?? Doesn’t matter what the aunts here say, what are the legal ramifications in your country. Has he done this previously with another girl? 4. Will he definitely lose his job? 5. Your pregnancy – your parents, what will they say/do when they find out. Remember this, it may not seem like it, but they are your only wise counsel right now. Trust them enough to be honest about what has transpired. 6. Is this man in love with you. I am not questioning whether in lust with you, but does he care enough for you to weather this storm or does he want to cover up with apparent wrong doing. You say he will stand by you . Is he a man of his word. Then first thing is approaching your parents to explain to them about this situation. 7. For how long do you hide your pregnancy? Realise one thing in life, pregnancy cannot be hidden forever, sooner or later that baby will start making its presence felt. 8. The moment you start lying or telling half truths about your babys paternity this will only cause problems. Realise this , if you start with one lie, it catches up and then it quickly gets out of hand. 9. Keeping the baby - how will you manage financially. What about school. No matter what happens, get back into the classroom. Hey you got a private tutor , so it will take the pressure off you. Do not sacrifice your education to play mummy.10. Realise this- ABORTION IS NOT A DIRTY WORD. Rather abort than bring a kid into this world, rather not be burdened and rather not make a kids life miserable. You will be doing yourself a favour in life if you decide to use this option. Do not be emotional when you make this decision. MAKE A LIST- PROS AND CONS OF KEEPING THE BABY. Yes, jot down everything. Put thought on paper and see it materialise.11. Have an action plan and stick to it.12. I do not have respect for people in a fiduciary position abusing their position of trust. Bottom line, your teacher misused his position of trust. He knows it. Later on when you grow up, you will as well. But what is done is done. Think clearly. Are you in a relationship with him (boyfriend/girlfriend) or was it just sexual activities you were indulging in??13. Hard questions dictate hard HONEST answers from you and HIM. Its time to start analysing the adult part of your situation. I know you are a mere kid but be realistic. You are panicked for a good reason. You know the severity of what has transpired, you know the consequences. HE DOES TOO. 14. Show him the responses you have received here at DC. Let him open his eyes. I think he needs to also have his morals checked and his profession re- evaluated. I hope and pray he has not made this his side business of impregnating school kids! (HE CAN RESPOND IF HE WANTS TO)15. Marriage- so that this kid can have a name. Speak to Teacher about this. DOES he want to do the honourable thing by you. Time will tell. OP, i am not afraid of your tantrum outbursts. I can handle it. But lets ease up on the tactless updates and concentrate on the real issue at hand and that is your pregnancy, underaged sex with the teacher and your pro/anti abortion choice/ adoption choice. I can go on and on about your vulnerable situation. Take a deep breath and start with an action plan. Good luck and keep us informed about your decisions going forward. I am sure your plight may just help another hapless/helpless teenager facing the same issues. Mods, although this is a sensitive situation and you asked for tact and positiveness, i believe we need some realistic response and not some pie in the sky concept. This is a real issue that requires real solutions. The OP has been given both support and criticism and from her updates she seems either like a spoilt brat (dictating the terms of the responses) or a mere frightened kid, acting brave but alienating everyone around her. Either way ,she needs to stop acting (as my teenage daughter calls it)all high and fly. .....She needs to get rid of that attitude........and she needs to accept the comments in the manner it is intended. She needs to make an informed choice and she needs to be realistic about her choices and she also needs to have a real, open discussion with her teacher. To the aunts and Uncles, this is all I have to say. As per always i have tooooo much to say. Thank you for taking the time to respond to the OP as well. God have mercy on us all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): this child is not a star, she made a mistake bigger than she can handle. Should we destroy her for being brave and mature enough to ask for help. I hope to God not. And i for one would stand in line in the freezing rain to help her. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto RCK-Look you don't have to believe what I'm talking about and I don't care what you think if you don't have some good advice.I think of DearCupid as one of the best sites where we can look out for help and sometimes we don't find it because of someone like you!But there are always people like Lola1,marriedlady,SirenaBlusera and trail and retribution that understand the vulnerable position I'm in.
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reader, Lola1  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 You are most welcome. :-)
You are certainly welcome to try and "pick my brain" further anytime.
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reader, RCK +, writes (2 November 2009):
Bravo!! You are the best selling author with this story. The more I read it the more it sounded like a book?? "The life of a 16 year old student who falls pregnant with her english teacher." **clap** Clap**Clap**
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reader, kitty_3 +, writes (1 November 2009):
 well if he truly loves you and is going to stay with you then you should keep it if it's what you want, but wouldn't you like to go to college?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Hmmm, well it is up to you :), he said that he'd stand by you whatever your decision so it is up to you whether or not you would like to keep the baby. If you want an abortion, as he works he could probably help pay for the costs without you asking your parents for money. xxxxx
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reader, Just Listening +, writes (1 November 2009):
I'm not sure if this will help...but here goes.In 1997 I was involved in a major car accident. I was crossing in a crosswalk and was struck by a car. I broke alot...including my neck. Halo..casts...hospitals...sugery...nightmare.During one of the difficult moments, one of my doctors said to me..."as each day and year goes by the bad memories will get lesser...you will be ok" This is hard to hear when you have screws drilled into your head and your entire world has been thrown into question.Today...so much has happened since, and I'm not sure that telling you all the details will really help you. But, what I want you to know...is that I am a strong and capable woman...who still loves and cries...and feels...and believes that my accident was such a defining moment in my life. It really showed me who I am, and how strong I am.You will make it through this and maybe you will find some surprises along the way.
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reader, mysterious_blonde_lady +, writes (1 November 2009):
Do what you feel is best; i myself feel that you should keep the baby because of course;; no innocent life should be taken on account of a mistake, i also believe you might regret an abortion. However, a baby is obviously a massive responsiblity and is going to affect you for the rest of your life. Remember this teacher might not necessarily be there for you the rest of your life. Any decision you make will have to be based on the idea that you will have to look after this baby alone. I can't comment on him as i do not know him, but by the very fact he had a relationship with you as a student i can't say this man is necessarily reliable. It might be a good idea to see a counsellor/psychologist. Also; it is unlikely that your teacher will lose his job. Often teachers have affairs with students and they go on to work at schools as if nothing happened. There will be rumours, it might be best for him to resign and work somewhere else. I wouldn't lie about it, however i wouldn't in the early days, go around sharing it with everyone either.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): i would be very angry if people did start calling this guy a pedo. a pedo is someone who targets young people only. besides its love what counts in a relationship nothing else.
my dear i say keep the baby. if you love him and he loves you thats all that matters. he probably will lose his job but what is a job between love? plenty more jobs avavilable. if people call you names? it will hurt but at the end of the day they probably have a fault of thier own in life to chat rubbish in the first place. do not let anything get in the way of you,him or your baby stella. nothing. i wish the very best for you. take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): I know what I am about to say is overly simplistic and seems to ignore the potential consequences of my suggestion, but have the two of you considered marriage? It sounds crazy, but your situation is crazy. :-)
Will it be difficult? Yes. Could he lose his job and have his reputation ruined? Possibly, but he still has a moral responsibility to provide a stable situation for you and his child. There is no need for you to consider single motherhood as your only option. I don't know what the legal age for marriage is in your country, but you should look into it and seriously discuss it as an option with your boyfriend.
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reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 I don't even know if this is an option in Macedonia, and I don't mean to get your hopes up, but would open adoption be an option?
I worked with a girl who became pregnant, and was very sad to give up her baby, and felt that adoption would mean a better life for her child. She somehow arranged to have the baby adopted, but she had certain visitation rights... I believe it's called "open adoption." I could be wrong.
You should talk to an attorney or a social worker about what your legal rights would be if you were to have your kid adopted.
This must be hard for you. I hope you feel better.
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reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 Ok. The first thing I went to look up was the age of consent in Macedonia. It is 16. Legally he will not be marked as a pedophile. However he will, as you already know, most likely be fired from his job and marked to not work with children ever again. This is a student teacher conflict that is illegal.
I would say take a deep breath like marriedlady said and try not to panic. Yes this is an aweful state you are in, but there are always lights at the end of the tunnels.
I would ask you to make a list of the pros and cons of keeping the child. These things involve finance and possible aid from the government for single mothers. If they have such a programme in place you could put that on the pro side.
Ask yourself..
Can I take care of this child on my own? I know your lover has stated things will be alright and that he will stand by you, but you must accept the possibility he will not to save his career.
Would you be alright to not sign his name on the childs birth certificate? This will ultimately mean your child will legally not be entitled to support from its father. You would not have a legal leg to stand on. However this would allow him to continue working if the turth about the pregnancy was kept quiet.
How would you continue your education? Could you go on to University?
Are you alright with putting your life on hold to take responsibility for this child?
Who could possibly help you look after the child while you were at school or work? Pressumably your teacher and you are away at the same hours. Where would the baby be cared for and by whom?
These are big questions and they are based on your desire to keep the child. There are other alternatives such as abortion and adoption but they come with a whole other set of questions you need to ask yourself like...
If I abort this child, would I be alright with that?
What are my personal feelings about abortion. (Obviously someone who feels it is a womans choice will feel differently than someone who doesn't)
Personally for abortion you would want to talk to women who have already had one. There are many websites who give impartial advise and information.
Adoption is even trickier honestly because even though you are aborting your responsibilities of the child, That child is still out their.
You would have to stop yourself from ever looking for it in the future.
You would have to be completely detached from the child after it is born. You should not allow yourself to bond with it.
You will have to live with the knowledge you will never know who they are, if they are alive or dead. If they are loved or are being abused.
But again it is your choice morally which one you feel is best for you. I can only give you things to think about and ask yourself.
I hope for the best
HonningKanin
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): In asking about the plans for the future, i didnt mean to insinuate that you were planning this...i was trying to say that if you are going to be together as a couple anyway, you would really not solve anything by aborting or adopting. You can google the laws of your country. I guess for now there is nothing to be done until you two have as serious conversation. You made this child together and you need to plan the future together, what ever you ultimately decide to do. There are options such as you have stated. We are here to support you in any way that we can. Feel free to pm any of us. My heart is broken for you and this situation, but you will survive. I believe with all my heart that you will grow up fast... and you will make it. You can do this sweetheart. Keep us posted. ;).
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reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (30 October 2009):
We shouldn't give mean advice to ANYONE!! People come here for help, nasty advice defeats the purpose.
I'm sorry about your mom, that must be hard.
Who is your guardian? You need to talk to an adult that you trust about this. Have you told your aunt? You shouldn't be going through this alone, and for your sake, and the baby's, you need to go to an adult.
What are your options?
What about adoption? I can understand your fears, but that baby, like any other, deserves to be provided for. He deserves to have a mother and father that love each other. I don't like to give unsolicited advice but if there is a loving couple that is in a position to provide, and wants a kid, then I think you should consider adoption.
Being a single, even teenage mother, doesn't mean that you can never get an education. It has been done by many people. However, it takes two to tango, and if you should choose to keep the baby then the father needs to take responsibility, as do you. I am not going to judge you, but everyone makes mistakes and sometimes, when we're in a dilemna, there is no 100% perfect solution. Sometimes it's a matter of deciding what's best. However, I think you should consider adoption if there is a couple who will love and provide for the child... you are bringing him into the world and must consider what is best for him.
I agree with Eyes though, your teacher is in the wrong profession. He deserves to be in jail. Taking advantage of a student! I'm a teacher and people like that teacher are a disgrace to the profession.
You English is great, by the way. I don't know a syllable of Macedonian. So what if you make one typo... this isn't a writing assessment test, it's an agony column! :) If someone makes a big deal about it, well, f*** them!
Unfortunately, people are going to judge you, but that doesn't mean that you are a bad person. It is true that you made a mistake (no offense), but most of us do. Just let the judgemental comments roll off like water off of a duck's back.
I hope this helps. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): In asking about the plans for the future, i didnt mean to insinuate that you were planning this...i was trying to say that if you are going to be together as a couple anyway, you would really not solve anything by aborting or adopting. You can google the laws of your country. I guess for now there is nothing to be done until you two have as serious conversation. You made this child together and you need to plan the future together, what ever you ultimately decide to do. There are options such as you have stated. We are here to support you in any way that we can. Feel free to pm any of us. My heart is broken for you and this situation, but you will survive. I believe with all my heart that you will grow up fast... and you will make it. You can do this sweetheart. Keep us posted. ;).
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow Lola1 I really appreciate the time you divided to give me such a good advices!If you're up to it,I'd like to chat with you a bit more.You seem like nice person and just by reading your answers I feel remarkably calmer.
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female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (30 October 2009):
P.S. Do not lie about rape. If you choose not to divulge the father of your baby, simply say either "I don't know" or "I'm not saying."
I prefer the latter. Once you are of an age when this is not a legal issue, it is in your best interests to be able to say it was him with no one doubting you are telling the truth because you either lied before, or because you painted yourself as "loose".
At some point, the baby's father's name should be official. If things do not work out with this teacher, you will need options to seek child support. You will also regret painting yourself as one who sleeps around enough to not know who impregnated her.
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reader, Lola1 +, writes (30 October 2009):
In lieu of parents, why not try speaking to your aunt. Again, ensure you understand what he means by "being by your side." It sounds as though (based on your last post) he intends to be with you for the long haul. However, she will want to know (as you should) what that means. HOW will he be with you? Will he marry you?
As for the how to keep him out of jail, I don't really know. Firstly, people who know who your baby's father is must be ones you can trust to keep silent until you are old enough for this to no longer be an issue.
What age do you need to be for that to be an issue?
Secondly, familiarize yourself with your local laws. Knowledge gives you power. When you know what you are facing you can come up with some creative ideas about how to avoid issues.
Let him, the older man, do some of the leg work, too. He will need to provide for you and his baby. How does he plan to do this? What ideas does he have?
Good luck.
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female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (30 October 2009):
In lieu of parents, why not try speaking to your aunt. Again, ensure you understand what he means by "being by your side." It sounds as though (based on your last post) he intends to be with you for the long haul. However, she will want to know (as you should) what that means. HOW will he be with you? Will he marry you?
As for the how to keep him out of jail, I don't really know. Firstly, people who know who your baby's father is must be ones you can trust to keep silent until you are old enough for this to no longer be an issue.
What age do you need to be for that to be an issue?
Secondly, familiarize yourself with your local laws. Knowledge gives you power. When you know what you are facing you can come up with some creative ideas about how to avoid issues.
Let him, the older man, do some of the leg work, too. He will need to provide for you and his baby. How does he plan to do this? What ideas does he have?
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf any of those that helped me and commented read this post once again,this article will explain what I couldn't think of while I was writing the question.Thanks to all those that had some time and understanding for me and gave their oppinion on the topic in hand,I really appreciate all of your opinions.
to LazyGuy-lazy I know how the world works out,I know how harsh it can be.I know that poeple are not going to give me rainbows and butterflies.I know that they're going to judge me.What I asked in my post was not mercy,I just wanted to be free from those 'oh he'll go in jail for having sex with minor','he's going to lose his job','you're going to be isolated'.I know all of those tihngs.In the moment when I wrote the post I just wasn't able to compose myself.I'm prety aware of the life growing inside me and I know that we made the life so we have to take responsibillity for it.World is harsh,the life was quite harsh to me.As to talking my parents-I've lost my mother ages ago and I'm pretty distant with my father.The closest thing in my life I had as mother figure was my aunt.And now you're gonna say-youi seeked a father figure in your teacher.I didn't.I FOUND a soulmate in him.
to mariedlady-lady,honestly we didn't think abut distant future.He loves the baby and he wants to keep the baby so badly,maybe more than me.Even if I abort or give it to adoption I'm not going to stay away from him.
to Lola1-I do want him out of jail and free to be around his kid,even secretly knowing,only me and him it's his,but HOW?
to rcn-it's only me and him that know about my pregnancy and probalby no one else is going to find out until it becomes obvious.I don't know what to answer when the people are gonna starta asking questions.'Hiya Stella.OMG,you're pregnant!' 'Well yea,my teacher knoced me up.' I don't think so.I don't think it culd work out.I'd like to hear way to protect both him and the baby.Should I say I don't know who's the father is,like I was raped or something and when I'm out of high school we could figure out what to do next.Or should I move out in another town where I have relatives and contunue my education there and possible cut all the conections to my homwtown?I know it's gonna be hard as hell but I want both of them safe and happy.If he decides to stand by me,which way we could work out and still be accepted by the environment?
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reader, Lola1 +, writes (30 October 2009):
As the others have said, you have to consider yourself and the baby. As young as you are, your parents are likely to be your best allies for the YEARS of commitment to that child that you say you are ready to make.
I would ask the teacher for clarification. If you DO have this child, HOW exactly does he intend to "be by your side"? Does he intend to be a father to this child? Will he make a formal commitment to you?
Perhaps these answers will help you find some clarity BEFORE you speak to your parents. It may help to alleviate any anger they may feel at this teacher and help convince them he will be better for you OUT of jail and employed, than charged with having sex with a minor.
Good luck, sweetie.
P.S. You type better English than I read Macedonian.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto LazyGuy-Lazy believe me that I know,I know too well that the world is not going to give me rainbows and butterflies and I know how harsh it can be.I just had some kind of an ouburst that made me literally BEG for mercy!I let my more childish and scared side out of me which happens once in thousand times.I'm aware of the life growing inside me and that in few months,if we decide so,I'm going to have to take care of it.
to marriedlady-lady,tnx but I don't know what will happen in future.He wants to keep the baby badly,maybe even more than me but we both don't know how we're going to act when it'll become too obvious.What we're supposed to say?'Hiya Stella.OMG,you're pregnant!' 'Well yea,my teacher knocked me up!'Is that it what we're supposed to say?I don't know.Honestly,I don't.And to answer am I going to stay away from him.The answer is-no.What we're going to do,we're going to do like a couple and like future parents.I know we put the consequences away but now we have to face them.
to rcn-honestly,I think it would be much beter if I had some stable parental figure to lean on in this situation of mine but I don't.My mother died and my father and I are distant.My aunt is the closest thing to mother I had in my life.I hope you see the deep trouble I'm in.I'd like to ask-how can I protect both my teacher and have the baby?Do I have to lie about the father and then wait till I finish high school so I can move out of my hometown?Anybody help me?And from now on,I'm going to continue my policy of not begging or apologing.I was just scared and I know that if I want the baby I shouldn't be.For him or her but I wasn't able in the moment I wrote the post.Please,place yourself in my shoes and then answer me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): ok, its a bit weird, yeah. But if you want to keep the baby and people are there to support you then its your choice. make sure he is not going to leave and that he can be reliable. if he loves you then he will give up his job and get another one. noone else can tell you what you should do. its your decision. please make the right one.
good luck
x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): Changing to another school could be a good idea if that is possible, so fewer questions are asked. In the good ol' days girls would go abroad to have the children to keep people from talking. Even though it's very old fashioned, the idea still makes sense. It'd be less pressure on you if you could get away from the environment and not have to be confronted by your classmates about the pregnancy (as it will not be possible to hide after a few months). Keep the child if that is what you wish. There are many teen parents out there in the world. If you have your family's support it will be better. So talk to your mother or sisters first. What you have to do now is realize that you and your teacher can not keep your relationship hidden any longer, it must all come out. But remember, it is not the end of the world. It's a rough time in your life, but you will come out on the other side in one piece. One way or the other.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 October 2009):
The only advice I have is for you to talk to your parents. They know you better than anybody else and will have your best interests in mind. At least listen to their counsel. I'm not going to judge you but your teacher is in the wrong profession, by a long shot.
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reader, rcn +, writes (30 October 2009):
 1) Do your parents know your pregnant? How do you think they will take this situation? I'm not talking about being with a teacher, only the pregnancy.
This is your baby. How or who you got pregnant with isn't as important as your choice that's best for you and the child. I don't even feel like lecturing on all that you said you already know. My reason is, although this relationship is not appropriate, I commend him for comforting you and not taking off after you tested positive.
Would you rather get some hell that may disappear, or create hell for both of you. I'm not condoning this crossing boundaries, but you have some choices to make. (1) If no one else knows, you could "I don't know who's it is," which will make you look as if you got around a little more, but it could protect the father. (2) Tell your parents, and test their reaction to the pregnancy before going any further. Do this to see if they'd accept who the father is.
Either way, you said you want to keep the baby and be a mommy. That's your choice, and your right to make that decision, as are the other choices. Because of your age, and his position, he could face a min. of 6 months, and a maximum of 5 years for the act. It didn't say, and I don't know if that changes by having a child with someone. Just remember, the outcome is about you and your child. What's best for you long term, and your child.
I hope this helps, take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): ok...deep breathe...whats done is done. In the town im from, one of the girls got pg by a coach...they got married and moved to a different town. They have been married 17 yrs now. I dont know what you are thinking, or what his thoughts are. I dont say this lightly but i see no other way to keep him from jail etc. Except for marriage. I am aware of the hornets nest i am shaking. For the record, i married at 16 and immediately (in the 3rd mo.) became pg. It was very very hard...but it can be done. I finished high school later...it has lasted 27 yrs. It was true love. This is not my recommendation in normal circumstances...but...my heart weeps for you. what are his thoughts? If you abort or adopt are you going to stay away from him from now on? If not i dont see these as options? Its tough sweetheart, what are the laws there? . And what about your parents...
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reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 Alright, you are thinking of keeping the baby.
That is going to be hard. It would be a brave choice... if it is a choice and you are not just running away from making a hard decision.
You see. In my mind your post fails at the end. You cry "don't be mean to me".
Sorry, but those are the words of a child... in six months, you will be a mother and will have to be an adult. Adults no longer can ask the world to be nice.
Are you ready to be an adult? And not just for yourself, but for your child. That is something most people nowadays put of for another decade and with good reason. They don't have the income, the emotional stability, the accomodation, the lifestyle to deal with a kid. Not when they are still half a child themselves.
But you played a growup game and now the game has gotten serious.
You already seem to have a good grasp of all the bad things that might happen and they will happen and much more.
Lots of young women deal with this, but they learn pretty damned fast that the world is a mean place.
So... no judgement you ask... well. That ain't going to work. You will be judged and you can't run pouting to your room because people are so mean any more.
Go stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself. What do you see. Probably a half-child/woman. But what are you? A mother or a teen playing a game she can't finish?
Go seek support for teenage girls who are pregnant. You need to talk to others, others who have experienced the same to make an informed choice.
If you make a informed choice, then at least you can stand-up tall when the world comes to judge you. But you can't ask the world not to judge you. It will and you need to stand and make your choice.
But remember, as bad as you might feel, life tends to work out of you let it. Single mothers, even teens can do fine. If they take responsibility for their actions. They become adults, really fast.
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