A
male
age
41-50,
*ami.Talbi
writes:Hi!Want to know if you think we are ready for a threesome.We have been married for 6 years and have children. We both come from a conservative Middle Eastern background, we are not fully liberal but both are relatively open minded. We love each other a lot, but my wife loves me more I think bcs she is the nicer one in our relationship.We have a very good sex life ( 9 out of 10) since about two years I have brought up a topic of a threesome and we have numerously discussed it and often acted it out between the two of us in a role play. Sex is great for both of us when we act it out. My wife says that she never thought she would be talking about a threesome with her husband, but I imagined to have a wife with whom I could talk about anything and everything, that’s why I married my LOVELY wife. Obviously I am much more into threesome then she is. She is not so keen, but says she will do it for me in order to make me happy bcs she loves me. We are thinking of doing it with a high class escort (200$ an hour) for about 3-5 hours, we want to have it done when we are on vacation abroad. When we act out the threesome fantasy we get really naughty and verbally really graphic of what we would do to another girl if she was with us. My wife talks of eating her out and I talk how I would please them both. However, right after I orgasm the idea of a threesome does not seem so appealing to me, but after 20-30 min I am all into it. She is not so much, I think bcs women don’t have the same sex drive. But when we act it out she is soo into it and verbally gets really graphic.So do you think we are ready for a threesome? Have you as a couple ever done it with an escort? Are the escorts into it or do they fake it? Has any female here done a threesome and was not so into it, but really enjoyed it once the action started? Let me know of your experience as a female or male with an escort in a threesome as a couple and I want to know if any females here were not so keen on doing a threesome, but ended up enjoying it once it got there.Thank you all for your time.
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escort, middle eastern, orgasm, sex drive, sex life, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, taygirl123  +, writes (10 December 2012):
If the woman has any doubts I would not do it. I did it for my partner as it is what he fantasized about. Now I really regret it, its all I can think about. Him enjoying someone else and her face as I had to watch. Don't do it, it may ruin your relationship like it did mine.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 I'd say you aren't ready. It's a wonderful fantasy and it sounds like it's a fantasy that is giving you guys a lot of fun - which is how it should probably stay.
From my experience, only women who are already heavily into the idea are likely to really enjoy a threesome. I've been in more than I can count, mostly with guys (I'm not good at sharing) and to be honest sometimes one of the guys would not be into it and it would all go downhill from there. I've also participated in it with women - occassionally it would be fun, but that would always be with women who were already pushing for it and liked me at least as much as their husband/partner did.
You seem to be committed to your marriage and even to loving your wife (rating your sex life - not such a nice move) so it would honestly be in your best interests to let the fantasy remain a fantasy.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Cerberus said it perfectly... TERRIBLE IDEA! No woman in the right mind would find this acceptable. You should thank your lucky stars that you are fortunate enough to have a loving wife at home. Don't risk your marriage!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): "When we act out the threesome fantasy we get really naughty and verbally really graphic"
Which is arousing to you at least, maybe not to her as much.
The fantasy is MUCH different than the reality. In reality, in all threesomes, someone is left out somewhat. That person gets hurt, becomes unhappy, and the relationships usually end because of it.
Are you ready for divorce?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2012):
 Stick to roleplaying. And honestly, this is YOUR fantasy, not hers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Fantasy is safe and it works for you both. Sometimes fantasies are BEST to remain a fantasy.
They thing about fantasies and over reliance on them is that eventually, the sexual buzz and getting off effect will lose its effectiveness and you will need to replace it with another.
Then when you over rely on fantasies to get to that sexual high, the desire to act on them gets greater.
So when does one put up the boundaries as to what is acceptable.
And certainly such things should be a WE decision. That Wife hesitates says this is more a YOU WANT over a WE NEED.
You even mention that after your sexual high is sated and you come down from arousal, you no longer desire the threesome. Pointless and not necessary, but when you are back to being physically and mentally able to have another round at sex, the idea comes to the forefront again.
I don't think even yourself want a threesome.
Its not about sex drive as to why Wife is not keen on it. It has everything to do with the integrity of your marriage and if Wife alone cannot fulfill your sexual desires, fantasies, then you are not what I would deem a monogamous man and you are a mismatch as Wife is a Monogamous woman. Meaning no other man is needed, let alone a woman, to enter into the romantic/sexual realm and sanctity of your marriage.
So you leave your marriage open to something that will threaten it at the foundation.
Wisdom says, leave well enough alone.
The only time I was tempted to have a threesome, was when my marriage was on a break down. Then it would give me justifiable cause to walk from the marriage.
I couldn't because I believe in Monogamy and know my boundaries. My happiness and self worth is not up for any man to trample on let alone, my Husband who wants to put hsi sexual desires before our Marriage.
;)
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A
female
reader, TashaLoves117 +, writes (4 January 2012):
Don't do it. If she isn't a hundred percent down for it then you will pay for it big time later!!
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (4 January 2012):
 The fact that your wife isn't keen on a threesome but is willing to participate in one because of her love for you is reason enough NOT to have one.
This is a disaster waiting to happen. People who don't want them but go along to please someone else usually end up hurt and very resentful, and the relationship suffers.
You might think it would simply be one night of fun, but when you invite another person into what is normally very private you are redefining your relationship. How will this benefit your wife in the long term?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): "I want to know if any females here were not so keen on doing a threesome, but ended up enjoying it once it got there."
No, OP what women wants watch her love shag another woman? Do you really not get how painful that will be for her?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): No, OP neither of you are ready. Do you really think your wife would be okay with watching you have sex with another woman? Does the idea of watching your wife get shagged by another guy appeal to you? (I know you're going for another woman in this but the principle is the same)
OP what you're proposing is a lovely fantasy but you're basically asking her if you can cheat right in front her and with her permission. Now you may think it's okay because she said it was but OP "because I love you" means she definitely does not like the idea but will do it for you. "Because I love you" does not mean "yes I want to" which would be the only time it might be okay. If you were sure this was okay then you'd have no doubts would you? The fact you are here asking for reassurance tells me you have doubts about this OP. The fantasy is nice but when you're finished that fantasy, you're not into it really.
OP the number one point here is this; do you think in your heart of hearts that your wife would ever like the idea of you fucking another woman? and yes a threesome is exactly that, she says she's do it for you because she loves you but do you really think when she's there that seeing you having sex with another woman is not going to hurt her, even slightly? Because that really is not something you should ever risk just to fulfil a fantasy. That's an image that will stick with her and if she eve has the slightest of doubts about this then they will grow into a huge mass of pain and she'll cave.
Even when a relationship is very strong, even when both partners want to do it, actually being there and seeing your partner have sex with another person can really be a kick in the teeth that neither person expected.
Threesomes are best left to casual relationships and casual hookups, they really are no worth risking a fantastic marriage over.
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A
female
reader, bearN  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 I agree with SO VERY CONFUSED , You shouldnt be doing this with your beloved wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Us escorts fake it. We are paid to put on a fantasy for a client, we do not get into it. We are told what to do, paid up front then when we have agreed what we won't and will do we 'get down' to it. So If you're looking to boost ur ego by making two women and urself come , we the escort won't u will and ur wife if ur lucky will come but sounds like you're pushing her.
Advice by
Ciara
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (4 January 2012):
 Well first of all you have to really come to a serious, mutual decision if engaging in a threesome is something that you both really to do. Because just talking about doing something and actually doing it when the time arrives, are two different things. And as with all sexual fantasies there are some risks involved. So when you're talking about a threesome, there's the possibility of attachment to the other person involved (or them to you), the feeling of wanting to be with someone else or new people after (which may lead to cheating),etc.And though I never hired an escort- I know that they're professional enough to just perform the services... and nothing more. So hiring one or including someone you don't know in your fantasy as opposed to say having sex with someone you do know, I believe is the better option. But whatever you two decide, I wish you the best in the decision that you make.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 No you are not ready for a threesome.
One: you had to ask strangers if we think you are. If you are ready you should know you are ready without asking.
Two: you are the only one who wants this. A threesome implies THREE people WANTING to have sex together. Currently there is only you, a wife you are dragging into this partly because of emotional pressure. She'll do it cause she loves you so much... Which speaks volumes of how little she wants to do this, and volumes of how much you value HER as you know she doesnt want this yet selfishly pressure for it anyway.
Three: you are ranking your sex life? Knowing you are currently ranking your wifes performance in bed you'll likely rank the newcomer as well, I assume another woman, which will make your wife feel terrible and will cause a big problem in your marriage. Your marriage can end because of this.
I don't see why it is so obvious that you are more into a threesome than your wife. It's not a given that all men want threesomes and that no woman wants it. There are women out there who enjoy it, but if you are planning to bring a third person into your sexlife then one of you needs to be bisexual, or at least turned on by the idea. Your wife is straight and so is you. How eager would you be about kissing and touching another dude if you're straight? Just about as eager as your wife is to touch and caress another woman I suppose.
This isn't about sex drive. Women don't chronically have a lower sex drive. Women and men are, surprise surprise, just the same when it comes to sex. So want loads, some don't. Some like threesomes, some don't. Your wife isn't keen on a threesome not because she's a WOMAN, but because she as a person just isn't into it. If you wanted to marry a woman who enjoyed threesomes then you married the wrong woman.
I've had a threesome. And I can tell you that if you are NOT into it from the start you aren't going to get into it once it gets on either. The fantasy might be alluring, but real life isn't as sexy or hot. You need to actually want it to enjoy it. Your wife, loving you as much as she does and being a pushover by the sounds of it, will probably tell you she enjoyed it anyway, just to save your feelings and make you happy.
If you go through with this it'll be at the expense of your wife. You decide what's more important, a threesome or her. Stick to the fantasies if you ask me.
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A
female
reader, jinxx +, writes (4 January 2012):
 I think feeling ready to have a threesome, and actually having one, are two very, VERY different things. For one, your wife saying she's just doing it to please you is something you should think about a little more. Have you factored in the possibility of her getting hurt and/or being jealous? Would you consider a threesome with another man if that was something she'd like to try? Would you be comfortable with that? Could you see yourself becoming jealous or hurt in that situation?Believe me when I say women are more than capable of having a just as high, or even a higher sex drive than men. I really don't think that is the reason for her hesitance. I think acting out the fantasy while it's just you two is safer for her, because it's a good way to spice up your sex life without actually having to watch you with another woman.Talk more with her and make sure it's something she's comfortable doing. Make sure she's ACTUALLY comfortable, and not just saying she is to please you. Don't put pressure on her. It's a big step to take, and if it goes badly, you'll both have to deal with the consequences.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 January 2012):
 You might be ready, but your wife is not. I can see you thinking she is because of the role play response, but that's just fantasy and still intimacy between the two of you.
I'd leave it alone, keep up the role play and let HER decide when the time is right. I think the aftermath of threesomes can be quite ugly. I cannot speak from personal experience but it seems to me to be obvious that if one party is reluctant, there will be great resentment rising from it.
Women are more emotional about sex and seeing you with another woman may create some trust issues. For us, it's not just physical.
Keep acting it out if it's making for good sex but I don't think you are ready for a threesome.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 January 2012):
 IF she does not want to do it then the time is NOT now.
some things are better left fantasy.
would you be into this if the third memeber was a male not a female?
I've done threesomes
I've done MFM
I've done FMF
I've done FFFF (that's a foursome btw)
I've been to orgies
I've hosted orgies
Women that are bisexual will enjoy female play
women who are doing it to please their partner will hate it and will hate their partner and it will RUIN the relationship.
DO NOT DO THIS....
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (4 January 2012):
 I would say no. If she is not that keen, she may end up resenting you for it. Bringing in another person to a relationship can have awful consequences if not broached carefully and with both partners 100% willing and ready.
Why not go to a naturist/ swingers club to start with. That way there is no pressure to play, she can get an idea of what it is like and what goes on, and you can both get accustomed to the idea.
If she feels that you want to sleep with other people than her, it can really damage her ego and self esteem. So make sure you let her know it is her you are actracted to and love all the time.
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