A
female
age
30-35,
*ovestruckash
writes:Hey everyone I hope someone has the time and heart to help me. I've looked for advice everywhere and never an answer no matter what website I've gone on. Here it goes:well i've been with my fiancé for 2 years now. We have a 4 month old daughter and we both can't seem to make it work. We love each other so much and I love to be with him. When were not together I get stressed and I feel lonely and when were together I'm still stressed but i'm happy. While I was pregnant he didn't seem to really care As I wanted him too and it made me furious which led to neglecting him. He rebeled and went to prom for the second time behind my back with another girl he went to a graduation after party which I found pictures of him holding a liquor bottle while leaning on a girls breast. Less than a week later while I was home alone he kept ringing my bell yelling at me and being completely reckless.That night I called the cops on him and filed for a restraining order and didn't get it. 3 days later after I filed for the restraining order I caught walking 3 blocks from my house with a girl. For some reason after that incident his mother continually kept in touch with me and since I didn't feel as if he deserved to be there during my birth I invited his mother. Afterwords I allowed him to keep coming to my house to see his daughter since she was still to little to take out. We got close again and yes he's completely changed. He proposed and has been trying his best to make things work. But we recently got into another arguement and I punched him in the face. Yes, it was wrong I know but he kept grabbing me and I just flipped out because of all the anger I've held inside. Ever since then he's developed anger with me also. We want to be together but we both have dominent personalities but can't seen to let go. On top of all this our sex life has completely went down the drain for about a year and a half now. Im not attracted to him most of the time I don't even like his way of being sometimes always feel like he's lying or he's up to something. All of this has me so stressed I'm not even myself anymore I don't know who I am. I feel trapped I have a low self esteem even when most people find me attractive. I feel low and stupid and everytime I think about It I feel like he doesn't deserve me. Letting go and staying hurts and I want my daugther to have her family I don't know what to do. Are we fixable?
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (26 January 2011):
 If you want to leave, leave. Don't give him a chance to get back in because that will only make getting over it harder for you. This realtionship is way too volitile to be healthy for any one involved, especially your baby. Do what's best for her. She has to be the first priority now.
A
female
reader, lovestruckash +, writes (25 January 2011):
lovestruckash is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell last night I spoke to him About it and it didn't go so well.I told him that this relationship was stressful and he told me to leave him and turned around and ignored me. A few moments later he turned around and tried talking to me about nothing and tries to hold me but I was so upset and I started to break down a little and I started to cry. So he asked me what was wrong and I told him he wouldn't understand. When I finally told him I said I was really hurt and if he'd love me as much as he says he does than how could he had done all those things to me. Well I guess that was the wrong thing to say cause he kinda flipped out and told me he was tired of this shit and that he was leaving on the morning and went to sleep. What do I do now? Is this my cue I should let go? He hasn't even tried to call all day. If he's not sensitive to the way I feel Than maybe he doesn't care I feel like I should of been conforted. And if I do leave him what should I say ? :(
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A
female
reader, lovestruckash +, writes (24 January 2011):
lovestruckash is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much I very much appreciated it.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 like i said in my previous post, make a list of his good and bad points to help you decide. and if you decide to split from him, keep the list and read it back to yourself as often as you need to (ie: when you are feeling lonely, when you doubt you have done the right thing, when he gets in touch begging for another chance)
i really believe in this technique because i find it works a treat for me. i know that breaks ups are NEVER pleasant no matter who is the one who decides to call it quits, but you will get over it. expect to grieve, its natural, but then comes peace of mind and even amazement at how much s**t you accepted from the person
OR
it could be that when you do your list you will realise that yes, you have had bad times together but on the whole, he is a good guy. like i said, you have a young baby and you are obviously stressed and tired and this can have a terrible affect on our minds whereby we feel that the situation is worse than it is. DO NOT rush into a decision either way, ok? it might be good for you both to talk to someone impartial, like a trusted unbiased member of the family or a professional couples counsellor
xx
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A
female
reader, lovestruckash +, writes (24 January 2011):
lovestruckash is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also want to know if were better off letting go and what can I do to make sure that we don't end up togther because its always difficult to do so...
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (23 January 2011):
This is NOT a healthy relationship. Physical violence is really not okay from either of you. All of this anger and bitterness and simple lack of attraction is not going to get any better when you get married. It will get worse. You are so young. You have an entire life to have and a daughter to think about.
Not marrying her father won't take him away, you guys can (PEACEFULLY!!) work out a way for both of you to get to see her. Just make sure you don't start using her, or the rights to see her, as a way to punish or get back at each other.
Trying to stay together is not good for the two of you, and it's even worse for the baby. Even though she's little, she can already feel the anger and tension in the house, and it might already be hurting her development.
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A
female
reader, LizBeth +, writes (23 January 2011):
Are both of you willing to go to counseling? If not, I don't think that this relationship can be fixed. There are big issues here that two teenagers cannot solve without help. I suggest both individual and couples counseling. If you're not willing to do this together, especially with a child involved, then at least get help for yourself. Speak with either your doctor or your daughter's doctor for a referral. You will not do yourself or your daughter any good if your self-esteem is this low.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 January 2011):
hi
i think you need to make a list of all his good and bad points as a person and the way he makes you feel. then decide if he is good for you or bad for you. a lot has gone on hasn't it in the past and you don't seem to have worked through these events. tell him all the things he has done that bother you and allow him to do the same, and i mean TALK in a calm meeting, not an argument situation.
you have a young baby so you are obviously tired and stressed and maybe your judgement is not what it should be at the moment, so take your time with your decision
xx
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