A
female
age
41-50,
*rncessang228
writes:i've been really stressed out over this the past few days and today just made it worse-pls help me!!been with my bf for 3 years. we are both 29 but I have 3 girls from a previous marriage. he's never had a live-in gf and i'm his longest relationship.we've had our ups and downs due to him not being ready to commit fully (live w/me and the kids,marriage) although we have discussed it happening in the future. and I have pmdd which makes his life (and mine) miserable each month. i'm overly moody,weepy,irritable and i start fights for no reason. alot of our arguments are due to this and i've already been put on 2 different medications that don't work. in addition, 2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst on my right ovary that is adding to my misery.we got into a huge fight this past friday b/c i waited until the last second to ask to borrow money. We don't live together (but I only spend 4 days a month at my apt)and i needed help to pay my rent and other bills. it was 290 dollars. he was upset but gave me the money. after coming home from the bank, he said he wasn't sure if we were right for each other anymore. I started to cry and told him that I was just under alot of stress w/my money and health issues and that I didn't think it was fair that he was going to abandon me. He gave me a hug telling me that he knows I don't do things on purpose, doesn't blame me, nothing was my fault and that he loves me. after that he said he just wanted to be left alone so I left in tears. I came back later b/c I forgot my asthma medicine and told him that the dr had called to tell me they needed to draw blood for my cyst to rule out cancer. He said he was sorry but the best thing to do right now was just let things be. So i said ok and as I was walking out the door he again told me he loved me.We haven't talked since. I emailed and called him on sunday b/c while at church something crazy happened. Our church has set up classes to help people w/their finances and set up budgets for those who struggle-I felt this was a sign that god didnt want us to give up on each other so I signed up for the classes and told him about them. he never called back or returned my email.I stopped by his house on Monday while he was at work to check on my cat (who has been living with him for 4 months). all of my stuff was still in the same place (shoes,clothes,kids' toys,etc) and our pictures were still on the walls. this gave me some hope.I emailed him telling him how sorry I was for making him feel used and unloved. i let him know he meant the world to me and i was scared to lose him. he read it but no return email back.I stopped by the house again today (i knew he would be gone) and immediately panicked. All of my clean clothes from the laundry was thrown on a stand next to the window by our bed (just mine-his was put away), the air mattress my oldest daughter usually sleeps on when we stay over was deflated and put away, and the card I had given him on valentine's day was not on the kitchen table anymore. However, the plant he gave me for valentine's day (has pink flowers on it) was still on the table, my shoes were still by the bed, and our pictures we just had taken together were still on the fridge and the walls in the living room and our bedroom.what does all of this mean?!!! I'm so scared he wants to leave and he truly is the love of my life. I've never loved anyone the way I love this man.we've been through this before but have always gotten back together b/c we know how much we love each other. I'm scared and don't know what to do. I tried calling him while I was at his house but he didnt answer-i wanted to know if I should just take my things. I ended up leaving my stuff there and going to work and didn't leave him a voicemail.thoughts guys? as u can see-i don't handle anxiety well and I really don't want to lose him!!!!is the stuff he put away/moved signs he wants out? why did he leave the pictures up still?!!thanks!!
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 I very much agree with Stem1981.
I believe that his saying that perhaps you're not right for each other, and his not answering your e-mails or calls, is more telling than the mattress or the other stuff. Maybe he does want to break it; I can't be sure.
However, I think it wouldn't be right if you insisted too much in his coming back or talking to you. Being too insistent usually backfires. If I were you, I would try to deal with the anxiety, the finances, et cetera. You need to solve this for yourself and your kids, and also you need to solve it if you want the relationship to work out. He seems to be having second thoughts; if you keep on presenting the same situation to him, you will convince him even more about walking away.
You must be a very good woman. I don't think many men his age would be with a woman with three children unless she has many virtues. So, work on those, and try to solve your problems, one by one.
I'm also sorry to hear about your cyst. I hope your doctor can manage that.
Finally, if he should walk away, don't let that destroy you. You have a life to live, and life can be beautiful if we work to do it that way.
All these problems are coming to you at once. Try to keep them at bay, first, and then try to solve them, one by one. Maybe it's too much for one single person to handle. Perhaps you can get help from a relative?
Take much care, poster.
A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (13 March 2008):
 First of all you need to calm down and get a grip. Second, if he's moving things around of yours in his apartment then that's a sign he contempating ending the relationship. He KNOWS you have a key, so don't be surprised if (with your constant badgering with emails and phone calls to him) if he changes the lock!
Give him some space and time to collect his thoughts before pushing him out of your life altogether. Write him a letter instead of emailing him. Leave him be for a while.
Otherwise, you'll be picking up the rest of your stuff from the hallway or out in the street.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): It sound likes he wants a break from you maybe temporarily but maybe permanately. Try not to read into it to much as yet!. You need to do a total U turn with the way you would normal handle situations. Dont do the usual things of questioning him as to why he left as 'why' is a question that cannot always get answered.
It sounds like he may have had a lot to deal with like you having three children from a previous relationship, a marriage and also all the anxiety and stress that you are dealing with in your self. Some men get tired of constantly having to be the protector and being your rock if they are not getting much in return. I am only going by your post and there may be alot more to your story. This however is not your fault as you have a problem with mood swings down to your pmdd. I do think you need to see your doctor about the medication again as the hormonal imbalance does sound out as though it is not controlled. You seem very anxious, worried and stress and I pick thia up juat by reading the post.
You say that you are his longest relationship and that things had been unsettled to start with. With regards to him commiting to you and your pre-made family. Do the children see there father, were you looking for a replacement for the father of your children. You dont talk once about your ex or the childrens father but just reading your message it seemed as though you expected alot from him. You may have had an idea about what you wanted and tried to create that in him. He sounds like he knows that you are vuneravle but is tired so far. You say you felt as though you made him feel used and unlove. Only you will know how much truth there is in this and how severe your behaviour was to him. We get more anxious when we realsie that we are loosing something that we didnt treat well enough whilst we were together.
You wanted him to commit to you fully with marriage and living together. This was something that he did not want as he gave you false promises of it happening in the future but the future has shown otherwise. You have been through alot of emotions over these three years and it seems as though here was a clash of wants here.
Give him some space, work on your self and try to approach him again in a few weeks or a couple of months when he has had time to clear his head. Dont keep calling him or pressurising him. He may need to miss you and decide whether to return or not. You do find anxiety a struggle to deal with and there is nothing wrong with that BUT dont let him only see this side of you. He needs to fall back inlove with you and he wont do that if he feels as though you need him. Read some self help books and call the samaratans or careline.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Hi hunny
First I suffered with p.m.s or p.m.d.d for years and ive been nearly 4 months free of it now and It was pure luck. OR GOD AS I SAY POINTING ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!!! Hunny Ive tryed every medication out there ive been on herbal,anti depressants and alsorts of crap and nothing worked untill my fella saw an ad for these pills called bust boom!!!!I no it sounds mad and I thought yea ok very funny but he said it helps p.m.s so I gave it a try and sweety its worked!!!! OH YES IT HAS NO MORE MOOD SWINGS NO MORE PANIC ATTACKS NO MORE ANXIETY(if thats how you spell it!) Just the normal 2 days of period pain and ive got a cyst as well hun..... ill send you some links ok...Self help is what you need to cope with these miserable times of panic and being anxious...Try not to read into what you saw ok just try to consentrate on getting you well then you will be a different person and able to cope with this situation better....
hunny this is on e-bay but just read what it says about it forget the boobs ok!!!!!!!!!
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Bust-Boom-Breast-Enlargement-Pills-Clears-Acne-Too_W0QQitemZ360032454010QQihZ023QQcategoryZ1277QQtcZphotoQQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting
That wont all apply anywho lets get you some self esteem help hunny...
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/mind/wwr_anxiety.html
Right hunny that should all help in someway but those pills are a god send plus your boobs do get firmer THATS A PLUS AS FAR AS IM CONCERNED!!!!!!!THEY ARE AMAZING AND IF THEY DONT WORK YOU HAVE A 90 DAY MONEY BACK DEAL BUT THEY DO FOR ME AND ALL HERBAL!!!! I HOPE THEY DO FOR YOU SWEETHEART!!!
TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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