A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Are most romantic relationships lop-sided? Meaning, one person is more in love, more attracted to the other. This seems to be the case to me. When I was married, my husband was way more attracted to me than I was to him. He was always wanting sex, always pawing at me, flirting, making sexual references. Since I wasn't that attracted to him, I made up excuses not to be intimate with him. Now that I'm divorced, I have a new boyfriend and it is totally the opposite. I feel like I am wildly attracted to him, but he is not that way toward me. He was, wildly attracted to his last girlfriend though(I was around them briefly when they were together 2 years ago)...He seemed to be more attracted/in love with her than she was with him. When I think about other couples I know, this seems to be the pattern. What have other people experienced and can this work out? I feel like it's only a matter of time before my b/f gets bored with me, just like I did with my husband. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): All my relationships have been lopsided! Although it has sometimes switched in long term relationships. I hate being the one who likes the other more...but get bored when a guy is totally besoted with me... no challenge and i think i can get away with anything and am a horrible gf to the guy!
So basically i get hurt if i like a guy more... i become a horrible gf if a guy is besoted with me... can't win!!
Am having a break from all relationships at moment!
A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (10 January 2007):
 This is a superb question. And you're right, more often than not, it will be lop-sided!! This relates to the fact that for ever party that pursues, there will always be an opposite party that retracts. When you go all out and pursue someone and make yourself vulnerable, you also become less of a 'challenge' to your partner!! This is crucial as it forms all basis of attraction. A person has to find you a 'challenge' to find you attractive. Why do you think most women are attracted to bad boys or people who are unique? The more you pursue or be clingy, the more you ruin the chance of being a challenge. The challenge factor goes down in the relationship as the years go by and its up to you to revive it and constantly play on it. Keeping your partner on his/her toes. Dont reveal too much about yourself, whats so challenging about yourself if she/he knows what cards you're gonna play next?
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A
female
reader, Hag +, writes (9 January 2007):
No. I do not believe all relationships are lop-sided. I have seen too many working relationships to believe that. Just as we all have moments where we need to lean on each other, we also go through times where we want more affection than each other. If a relationship works, the couple responds to each other in ways that work as they get to know each other. If your affection feels too 'clingy' then maybe you're not in a compatible situation. If you are able to 'back off' until your partner is ready to pursue you, then you will eventually learn to give and take with each other and produce a working situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): hi
i am with you totally on this one!!
my ex husband claimed to be ;in love ' with me so much o , for years when he knew i wanted out of the marriage out of pure boredom , he threatened to commit suicide .
afetr this i had a boyfriend for 2 years who claimed he loved me and always wanted attention , sexually and other , which i didnt appear to provide fr him , as all of a sudden he told me his love for me wasnt true , his feelings were just of 'care' for me , though i felt deeply in love with him , and still do.
i was so hurt afterwards i couldnt even speak to him!
they say opposites attract dont they , maybe this is the answer?
i think you should talk to your boyfriend and explain exactly how you feel , i wish i had . it maybe that his previous girlfriend he was wildly attracted to , but maybe it wasnt love? , more infatuation? but at least if you explain , and include your fear that he is going to get bored with you (which maybe just a haunt from your previous marriage) then he ay open up to you , and make you feel abit more secure in the relationship?
good luck
xx
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 yeah come to think of it all my ex's were like pawing at me, but now with my currant one its the opposite way around im wanting my bloke it feels like more than he wants me and yes i do wander if it means bad signs but i guess with time well find out.. i dont know if its good or bad only yes i know what you mean lol xx
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