A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Happy New Year everyone.Well, I broke up with my boyfriend three months ago and even though I made it clear that I couldn't be his friend- not now anyway- he calls often. Last night, he came to my place- we live three hours away by train. Said he did not want me to be alone. I don't understand him at all. We were together for two and a half years and he cheated on me multiple times. I cannot understand why he calls me, come over! Not even though I am still angry about everything that happened, I cannot be rude to him and tell him to leave when he visits. I can be very nasty- and I have sent awful SMSes and left horrible voicemails. But all because I feel he really deserved it. But him coming over on new years' and cooking me dinner- why did he? I made it clear to him I wanted a fresh start in the new year and could not maintain any sort of contact with him. So, why is he doing this now? When I asked him if he loved me, he said he was very confused. What's up with this man! He will be 28 in March- are men really that unsure about relationships? Is it just better to maintain a strict no contact policy from now?
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 I'm with Bitterblue. By allowing him to do all he does, you are giving him the signal that what you want, really, is to go back with him.
I wouldn't be open to another chance. His saying he is "confused" would be too much. If he's confused, why doesn't he abstain from calling, visiting, et cetera?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): It could be a number of things, he could feel like he owes you something b/c behind it all he feels guilty or he simply just wants to be with you when its convenient for him. Him saying hes confused is the answer to your question knowing him for that long he should love you and know it. I think if you want to move on you should cut off all contact b/c once a new guy comes into your life you wont have to worry about him calling and coming around creating and dragging you into more problems.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): Not all men are unsure about relationships. Some know extremely well what they appreciate, what values they pursue, what is important to them, what they would fight for and when to stop fighting. Are you giving him any hints this fight is open to conjecture? Do you indeed want to maintain a strict no contact policy? I'm certain if you are determined in your decision, he will understand you are no longer convenient for each other.If you have decided you will not accept him as a partner after his multiple infidelities and even hold specific indignation for what he's done in the past, then do not! If you CAN tolerate his visits as merely a friend, there is no inconvenient - as long as this does not obstruct you from healing and construct a new life story, as one cannot afford to remain blocked by the pain and confusion of an old relation. That will imply thinning out the contacts, so you don't transmit to the exterior false impressions. On the other hand, if you have already taken a decision regarding your relationship, why is it important to know if he still loves you? I think you are unsure also, and maybe hope in your private self for a reconciliation. Sometimes we encounter deep contradictions within ourselves commonly rooted in the disruption between reality and what we had anticipated and has remained unrealised, as a mere aspiration - until we count up the facts and... further facts and accept the resulting sum, which may not be the best indicator of the situation but can help us decide what is most convenient, even though a decision may hurt initially.
...............................
A
male
reader, Uraz  +, writes (1 January 2008):
 I am not a believer of frieendship among exes. he is being miserable and needy and weak by behaving like this. It is ridicilous behaviour.I definetly think by maintaning contact with him you are also letting him to interfere in your life and might even damage your possible new relationships.And also, he is delaying his own life in terms of meeting a new one.He is strange.So I agree you should put a stop to this and HALT his coming over to your place and seeing you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (1 January 2008):
 I think if you look back to his earlier life you will see things that are probably causing this kind of behavior. What kind of father does he have? Mother?
Do either of them have a history of cheating?
Usually these are things that are learned as we grow up.
Many things stem from parental behaviors which is why psychoanalists endeavor to find out how they feel about their parents during the course of their visits.
He just may well be confused and have no clue as to what he is supposed to do in a relationship.
It could be that he needs relationship counciling to get on track. I hope this helps. Doc
...............................
|
