A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.I’m wondering if anyone’s got any tips/advice for someone who hates going out.This weekend, I’m off out with a bunch of girls for my friend’s birthday. It’ll be a clubbing/heavy drinking sort of night but I hate that sort of thing. I also don’t get on with some of the girls that are going, and I don’t like the whole dressing up or drinking thing. I do drink alcohol but I try to drink in moderation ‘cause I’m a real lightweight. I hate the person I become when I’m drunk and normally end up ill. Some of the girls that are going have actually spiked my drink before because they thought it’d be a laugh to see me get drunk so easily. I also feel really self-conscious and hate the way I look. I’m not into hooking up with guys either so that’s another aspect of it I hate. I just hate it all!I know I’m probably overreacting but I’ve had a few horrible nights out before. Obviously, I could just say ‘no’ but I’ve bailed out of nights out before and, to be blunt, I’ve ran out of excuses! My mate knows I’m free all weekend. So does anyone know any ways of making the experience a bit more bearable? I’m desperate!
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 It's tough to blow off a birthday, but no one says you have to go on random weekends. Just be honest and up-front about it, you love your friends but don't enjoy clubbing, so you would rather spend regular weekends doing something else. Be prepared for some teasing about this - that's normal, just tease them right back and don't let it get to you. If you've given excuses in the past rather than straight-up saying you don't enjoy clubbing, the teasing is just an obstacle you'll have to deal with and try to enjoy.
Long-term, find something to do on weekends that you enjoy, and some people to do it with, if you can.
Short-term, to deal with this one weekend, pick the most responsible one among them to be sober with you, and stick together as a sort of home base for the group. If you can, try to find another designated driver out there and talk to him/her. It's a good way to work on overcoming social anxiety or worries about your looks - if you come off as awkward, you'll never see them again, so it doesn't matter. It won't be the best night you've ever had, but it doesn't have to be awful.
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 Oh yeah, can sooo relate to how you feel. It took me many years, and some horrible nights out, but I learnt to just say - 'Nah, think I'll pass. But you guys have a great time.' And seriously, you need to get some new friends, real friends. To spike your drink is disgusting. And real friends will understand you, and not nag you into going out when you don't want to. You don't need to make excuses, just be truthful and say you'd rather not go. Suggest lunch on the friends birthday. Good luck. xx
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (11 August 2011):
Woman, you need to find new friends! I think one spiked drink is enough for me to never speak to someone again. YOU CANNOT TRUST PEOPLE WHO DO THAT.
I think its really great that you are "grown-up" enough not to be in to that whole clubbing and getting drunk scene. Its a parade of skimpily-dressed fools pretending that what they do makes them happy, and all they are really doing is poisoning themselves.
Do things you really like with like-minded people and get over it. Stop making excuses for not wanting to go out and do this and just tell your mate that you don't like it. These people aren't in charge of you. They are probably not really in charge of themselves either.
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A
male
reader, Mark_25_ +, writes (11 August 2011):
 To be honest I'm pretty much as you've described yourself. I hate the whole clubbing and getting drunk mentality, I much prefer going to a friends and being able to talk properly and having a quieter evening like that.To be honest, the fact that some of these girls have previously spiked your drink is pretty disgusting. That's not something I would ever tolerate, even if they are friends. If your friend is a decent person, she should completely understand why you wouldn't want to go out with them again.Otherwise, I'm not sure what to suggest. Could you perhaps be the driver? Therefore you wouldn't have to drink. Otherwise keep a close eye on your drink, even if you don't want to be there, these evenings seem to have a habbit of going quite quickly. If you don't bail, unfortunately it's just going to be a case of gritting your teeth and going for it.Hope that helps a bit!
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