A
female
age
36-40,
*ishdish
writes:I am a girlfriend of a marine, and I'm having a hard time adjusting to his second time overseas. I know there are a lot of spritual or patriotic support systems, but as an atheist and pacifist, my emotional pain is not easily alleviated. Neither my boyfriend or I believe in the war, and I am mad that my boyfriend is a part of it, I am mad that he is taken away from me, and I am mad to have our relationship suffer for other peoples' political agendum. If any of you know any sites that address this issue of missing someone in the military in a more secular and less patriotic/prowar type way, PLEASE let me know, I am desperate to hear from someone more like me. Forlorn,ZC
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Hey, I have the perfect site for you. militarysos.com. Its a ite that is earmarked for people (male or female) that are married (or dating) service members. They even have a forum where you can chat with others in your same predicument.
Check it out.
Jeff
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (15 October 2009):
fishdish is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for taking my question seriously I really appreciate your answers. Good luck to you both~
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 October 2009):
 Oh my sweetness, if we aren't the same person. My fella (self-proclaimed "only hippie in the Marines"), just joined the Marines. We've been together 4 years, we got engaged and suddenly he joined, leaving us to get married on his 10 days break between Boot Camp and training. It sucks being married to the love of my life and not being able to see him for what's going to be just about a year. Who knows? Probably longer.
And I feel you. I've always protested military actions and never in a million years thought I'd be with a man in that sort of work... but love is love and we're still the same people. Just keep reminding yourself over and over that Marines NEED solid, peace-prioritizing people like your fella. They need people to keep them solid people who aren't the type who just want to handle guns and shoot whatever moves. And, I have to say, that all though I still hate the Marines as a whole, the boys are actually really sweet, bright and they are truly gentlemen. I hate the actions, but the troops are full of nice guys who aren't all "shoot 'em up". There's still those guys too, but not all of them are like that.
I hate the fact that I'm no longer in charge of my life or our life... the Marines control what we do and when we do it. But, you have to keep your eyes on the prize. Remember the future that he's building for himself and that it's a few years and then he's got security for life.
In the meantime, keep yourself really, really busy. I'm back in school, which really fills up the time and makes it go along. Join theater or volunteer (it might make you feel better, like you're making up for some for the actions of the Marine's that you disagree with), read more books, get creative and make sure you surround yourself with lots of supportive friends. And, peruse the net for websites for support. Don't assume that they're all super conservative, Republican, gun-toting warmongers. There are tons of women out there just like you and me.
There will be up days, and there will be down days. Sometimes you'll be out walking or watching television and seeing couples happy and kissing and you'll be totally pissed off and want to cry. But what you're doing together is making you stronger than ever and your relationship will mean that much more.
Good luck, sweetness! There are lots of us out there.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (13 October 2009):
Hiya, I'm an army wife in the UK.
The fact that all the help you guys get is "Go Go USA!" or "God will help!" is absolute crap.
Over here we get a lot more practical help so you could look for some army wife uk, facebook groups websites etc. Most of the British army and their wives / girlfriends know full well there was no point to these wars, but it's what they get paid for so it's what they have to do. My husband said it was quite disturbing in the American camps where they have all the propaganda telling them how great they are all the time.
My main top tips are:
Find something new to do. I started a small jewellery making business last time my hubbie went off to Iraq. My friend knits scarves all summer to sell them in winter for some extra Xmas cash.
Some of the girls here take up courses, retake maths exams to get better jobs, or do a computer course.
You have to find something to throw yourself into in the evenings so you don't just sit there. Plus, get out of the house, and spend time with your friends, work hard and have as much fun as possible.
Go round your mate's houses and try not to be alone.
There will be black days, so you just have to accept them when they come and sit them out in one of his jumpers on the sofa with lots of chocolate.
The key is mainly just to fill your head up with new things to think about so you don't have time to miss him.
Good Luck!! xx
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