A
female
age
41-50,
*ovely lady
writes:I'm married with 2 kids. My marriage is a mess. To makes matters worse, I was at a family get together and started talking to my cousin’s husband’s brother. He respects my situation and claims to want to rescue me. We live in different states which is great because I’m not tempted to do the wrong thing. I know that this is not realistic right.....He fells to compare to my husband in so many ways. He's not nearly as educated; he doesn't have a job and is very free spirited. He recently started talking about going back to school to take up a trade and how he wants to provide for me and my kids. Honestly, we have very little in common intellectually but he is fine and he makes me feel like love all over again. If I considered him would I want to start all over with someone trying to get something? I did that with my husband and we’ve built a very comfortable life. Just the love is missing. One thing I love about him is…he loves to travel and enjoy life. He’ll blow hundreds on a trip to Paris or Hawaii for no reason other than just to enjoy life. Honestly, I think he’s getting the money from a sugar momma. I wanna go!!!! Now I'm in the house hearing sports all day. I know that this won't last and I don't really care if it doesn't. I just like the way if feels. I plan to leave my husband but def don't want to get into a relationship with ANYONE else anytime soon. I've expressed this and believe that he is more attracted to me because I don't want anything more from him. No we never slept together and I have no intentions. I don't want to ruin what we have. I just love the company. Am I wrong? What should I do? Signed, confused.
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female
reader, Lovely lady +, writes (17 October 2009):
Lovely lady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Aunts and Uncles!
A
female
reader, fairytail +, writes (16 October 2009):
 My advice to you is dont mess with another family member it never ends well. If he is a good caring nurturing man to you and ur kids then you have no complaints. I speak from experience honey he may just be stringing you along... I think you should have a heart to heart with him. If he loves you enough you will be able to work it out. I did with my marriage and Im glad I did why complicate your life even more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): Just seen your update...It is so difficult to offer help when we don't know the full picture. If your marriage is so miserable perhaps you should seek legal advice as well as emotional so that you gain some strength and some information about protecting yourself. Once you know where you stand you can then decide if you can really go through all that divorce entails. You are entitled to be happy in this life and so are your husband and your children. This 'other man' is entitled to nothing.
Sort out YOU... Good luck, breaking up is hard to do.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (15 October 2009):
 Well please give us an update when you can. Ultimately I find your case interesting if for no other reason that almost to a person we Agony Aunts and Uncles were almost in complete agreement, which is rare.
See ya in a couple of months
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, Lovely lady +, writes (15 October 2009):
Lovely lady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFAULT ??? I am not accepting fault at this point because I have been at fault for the past 5 years in my husband’s eyes. I've always changed to please him and I sick of it. Counseling would help but he's not willing. My married was some what arranged by my father but it was ultimately a decision that I made so I will take responsibility for that. Oh well. It is what it is. I like the advice you not make any decisions right now. That's kinda where I've been for a few months. We'll see.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (14 October 2009):
Exactly, Female Anonymous...Exactly!
Original poster, I really dont know whopw much we can help you. It looks like pretty much all teh agony aunts and Uncles are in consensus here.
And frankly, if you knew he was as devout religiously as he is then why did you marry him in the first place? I am sorry that you find yourself in this predicament, but you are refusing to accept any responsibility whatsoever.
I still say my original advice stands...seek counseling. I just don't understand why you are denying any fault at all in this?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): you believ your hb is punishing you and you in return punih him. you both are wrong. at least he is not cheating on you. imagine how much worse he would be then.
you highlight all your hb's faults. what about yours? do you have any? you only blame him. why? seems like you want to settle for just anything. if you want to run about with your loser then hand your 2 kids to their dad and let him bring them up. you can have the loser for a while then you will know what a messed up life really is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): I think you need to really think about how you feel. You say the marriage is over, but you also say you love him dearly. You say this guy is a loser, but yet you would like to be with him if you were to leave your husband and kids. Maybe talking with your friends or seeing a counselor could help you see what you really want, because I think you aren't sure yet, so I would avoid making any decisions at this point.
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A
female
reader, Lovely lady +, writes (14 October 2009):
Lovely lady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK so, I have a few things to explain. The first is that my marriage sadly is over. When I leave my husband I want to be clear on my conscience that it is not because of this loser. It is because I am unhappy and NEED to move on. Here is the situation……..My husband is extremely critical of me and extremely religious. I use to do everything to please him and lost myself. He is/was never happy and always demands more of me. He is not grateful of me at all. In the most recent years I started to rebel. Now, I refuse to go to service, I won't fast or pray around him because he has one eye open at me all the time. I feel like he has a foot on my neck. I feel like I married my father and I'm a rebellious teenager all over again. He won't take me anywhere or do anything with me. He says that this is his way to punish me. We rarely speak and the sex is like....well, we haven’t had it in 3 months. He's knows that I long for attention and doesn’t give it to me that either as punishment. All he does is blame me for changing. He doesn't take any responsibility and doesn't think that there is anything wrong with him. He is a good person deep inside and I love him dearly but do I want to be lonely, depressed, oppressed and to long for love for the rest of my life? He's has already said that he is not willing to change because "he's standing by the truth and that will prevail". We've worked hard to get accomplish the American dream. We depend on each others income to maintain and if/when I leave everything will be a mess. I guess that's life huh. ??? Your advice.....
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 Hi, if you leave your husband for this " free spirit " it'll be the worst mistake you ever made.
For free spirit please interperit that as irresponsible loser with no future, who'll dump you the moment the novelty wears off.
Its just a fantasy in your head. Don't do it x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): Oh Dear...He wants to rescue you... That will make him a hero then, right? But hero's don't break up other peoples marriages and leave children living without their Daddy do they? He is not your answer.You need to talk to your husband, if he knew you were thinking this way he would have to do something to repair your relationship or maybe even end it. Perhaps he's unhappy too. Think very carefully about how you really see this ending. The 'other guy' is in it for his own reasons. If he was a decent man he would think about the impact of his 'rescue' on your kids, your family and think twice about being a part of your break up. Leave him out of the equation and deal with YOU.Talk to your husband, after all you have achieved together he deserves to know he could end up losing his family. You may even discover he's more than ready to do something to change how you are together. Remember he was your hero once...
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (13 October 2009):
So ley me get this straight...you want to leave your husband, break up your family, on a whim to travel? Knowing it wont last? Knowing you dont really want anything from this?Uh...there is so many red flags here that my eyes are covered in sunspots.YOU CANNOT FIND LOVE IN YOUR MARRIAGE IF YOU ARE SEEKING LOVE OUTSIDE OF IT?Have you really thought this through?let me ask you something...honestly. Have you broached the subject of marriage counseling? does your husband even know you are unhappy? I mean I can understand leaving your marriage if you can say you tried every single thing and that it was fruitless. You want to blow everything on something that is not a sure thing?You know relationships takes TONS of work, and it takes two to make one. I suggest you think real hard and give your husband the benefit of the doubt here and let himn at least attempt to fix what is wrong if he even knows...I mean after all, if you go through with this and split custody of your kids and tear them away from daddy simply because you want to Jet Set with somebody that you are not going to even be romantically involved with, that it selfish in the extreme. And if you think the grass is greener, what happens when you find out that this guy is being taken care of by a sugar momma and he chooses sugar momma over you. what happens then? Do you think if you do this and it turns to crap that your husband is going to want you back?Do you seriously take him for granted like that? If so then you dont love him and never did.You need to re-read your post, because honestly your decision is going to affect the lives of two children needlessly. What you believe and what the reality of the long term consequences for you and your family are two entirely different things.I think you need to stop reading Harlequin Romance Novels and watching Lifetime's Movie of the Week because those are not real...you feel me here?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): I think you just need to rekindle your love with your husband. You married and had kids with him for a reason right?
This new guy seems like he knows what he's doing. In other words, as soon as he has his way with you, he will dump you and the kids and move on.
I wish you the best.
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