A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Thanks for reading this - this is a rather open-ended question. Without going into the details of my situation, I was wondering what attitude men have towards being platonic friends with women. I have a new-ish straight male friend who is simply a platonic friend. It turns out that we have some shared interests, however we do not have any mutual friends, acquaintances, colleagues, etc. As far as our social networks are concerned, we are strangers to one another. My belief has always been that straight men do not just randomly become friends with straight women. There is usually some sort of hope for the situation to "evolve." (Especially given that we often spend time together in date-like activities, but never in a group setting.) Don't get me wrong, it is always nice to have additional friends, but my feelings are beyond friendship. Gentlemen, what do you think? Are platonic friends in this situation a facade for something more? (This is corny, but I keep thinking back to the premise of When Harry Met Sally. . .) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): i am a female but just want to add that Platonic friendship (PF)bet a man and a woman is very rare indeed, esp if both are single as in your case.
it also depends how deep the PF IS . sometimes there may just be a "maybe" but both do not cross the lines because they have more to lose. but most of the times there are the slow sexual chemistry. that you do not act one.
by the way didn't harry and sally eventually hook up?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): 100% platonic friendships can happen but they're not nearly as common as when there's some attraction.I think it's not so much that total platonic friends can't work, it's that we usually don't really give them a chance to form when there is no sexual attraction. When I think of the 100% platonic female friends that I have, it usually got started because a set of circumstances put us around each other long enough to form it. I have a female friend in the position you are in. She would date me and I even kind of like her too but I know it would never work because of the two different people that we are. I know I could still turn it into a FWB and have some fun right now, but I wont. It would end badly and she would really get hurt and we'd stop being friends. I don't want that to happen. I would go after her if I really thought it had long term potential but I just don't think we are enough alike for it to work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow - thanks everybody!! I really appreciated learning your thoughts regarding platonic relationships with women. It was really great that you were able to take time to share your experience, wisdom, and anecdotes. Best wishes to all of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): What about Bi people? are they allowed no friends under this rule.
the fact is on the men women one - yes it can work. But difficult because of a film (how mad is that). If you are friends you will be friends whatever. However on the other side you have to consider the partners. They tend to get jealous.
its really down to the two of you and where the borders are.
Star.x.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (18 May 2009):
 Of course men can been friends with women. If you want to move the relationship on to a romatic footing then take the initiative and see what happens.
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A
male
reader, RichardJames +, writes (18 May 2009):
 I think it really depends on how you met and the situations in which you interact with each other. I have had platonic relationships with women and it was successful but I have also been in a situation that was platonic but I wanted more. It all depends really on the mind set of the two people. If one of you is lonely or desperate for love and the other is not it could be hard. Some people get attached due to being around each other a lot. A girl once told me that trying to force a relationship can ruin a friendship...then she told me how she couldnt live without me...So who knows. I was in this situation and I went for it. I met someone so amazing that I had to atleast pursue her romantically. I couldnt live the rest of my life knowing I didnt atleast try. If you get denied play the role he wants for a while and see what happens. Then you must due whats best for you.
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A
male
reader, Prophet7 +, writes (18 May 2009):
Sometimes the best relationships do evolve from platonic friendships. You get to know each other and if there's an attraction. I have females friends who are strictly platonic. They are attractive but I know they would be better for me as friends. Not all guys try to become friends with females with hopes of it evolving into something more. Hope my advice helps you. God Bless... Prophet7
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A
male
reader, Mr.Insignificant +, writes (18 May 2009):
 I do not have one female friend that I am not attracted to in one way or another. Any female friends that I spend time with, I have an attraction to in some capacity. The more time I spend with them or the more intimate event, the more I am to like them.I have tried to have platonic friendships with women in the past, but there is always an undercurrent of something deeper.I think there is a good chance that he may be interested in you in more than a platonic capacity.
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