A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:During my high school years, I had a crush on a classmate. However, I was never able to bring myself to reveal those feelings to her. It was enough for me at that time that we were on friendly terms and that she didn't treat me as a loser like most of the other girls did. We left our graduation as just friends. That was 10 years ago.We lost touch when we went to college, and I haven't been in touch with here until 3 years ago, when I met her and her then boyfriend at a relative's wedding. I tried to reconnect with her but I felt strangely uncomfortable seeing her with her then boyfriend. I tried to put it off as just lust or envy and decided to try to forget her.A week ago, I decided to make a few changes to my lifeand one of those changes was to reconnect with friends who I have long neglected. I found her profile on Facebook and started so far about 2 chats with her but now this feeling of longing of her is growing even stronger than ever. Especially since I found out she has broken up and is still single.My original plan was to continue to communicate online with her, to reconnect, to make her feel comfortable around me but she doesn't come online often. She has posted her mobile phone number on her Facebook page which I was thinking of using to set up a meeting between us but I'm at a loss what to do from here.She seemed very happy to see me all the times I met her and she seemed please to hear from me from the chats but she was always a very friendly and sociable person, which is most likely the reason I'm still attracted to her.I thought earlier of just inviting her out for a coffee but I don't want to scare her off by telling her my feelings just right of the bat. On the other hand I feel that I've already put this off for 12 years. I would like some indication of what to do here.Regards,Guy
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male
reader, LyonHart  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 If she does confront you about it, the best thing you can be in that situation is honest. If she thinks you like her, admit to her that you do. Then ask her out. Chances are, if she is indeed so observant, she will know you're being sincere. If not, well it's better than chasing her for years more instead of finding a woman that WILL have you. And by the way, I am in exactly the same boat as you. My question was the same but worded a bit differently. Well, good luck buddy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Yes, it does make sense not to declare my undying love right away. I'll now call her up and set up a meeting. However I still have 2 more concerns.
1. Should I tell her I actually want to spend more time with her at the end of our meeting? Or should I just try to get her so comfortable with me that she'll ask me out on her own accord?
2. She has always been a pretty observant person. I'm worried that she might see my desire to reconnect with her as a setup to hook up with her. She may even suspect I like her.I could never lie or even obfuscate the truth to her if she asked me a direct question. What happens if she confronts me about this?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 October 2009):
Certainly don't tell her how you feel straight away, she'll get scared. The best thing to do is just ask her out for a coffee, and talk to her and get to know her. Really listen to her, show that you understand her and let her get to know you. Hopefully, she'll respond and get to know you. You just have to be brave and get to know her.
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