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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have many issues with my body. I hate having small breasts, because men may accept small ones, but secretly they all want big! My boyfriend masturbates to big chested women.Also I don't have all the time in the world to exercise, sure I'm not overweight, I do cardio every day and watch what I eat, but I have no time to be in the gym all day so that my body is firm all over, I have cellulite, etc.I went into this forum that my boyfriend goes to for porn, and some comments there were just disgusting (not from my boyfriend, from other guys). There were some pictures of some models, they were quite pretty and hotter than average, yet the guys had the nerve to post "hey, look at the brunette one, she needs to exfoliate her ass, she has some red bumps there, gross!". And I looked and looked and saw no "red bumps" there... men always say they don't fixate on certain parts or that they don't care about small imperfections, but OH THEY DO!And today I was in class and the professor was talking about how values are changing, and how now kids are being educated by the TV, mostly. And she said now it's like women's worth is put solely on showing their breasts, fake breasts to make things worse... she said she didn't get how men could enjoy seeing fake breasts over real ones. And some classmate whispered "so what if they're fake, they make them hotter anyway". With moronic comments like those how are we expected to even feel confident?I know it's up to me to ignore it, but it's hard to ignore, these images are pervasive and you have to see them even when you don't want to (like when you're on the bus or something). I hate how low confidence is blamed on women all the time, sure, we're partly to blame for letting it affect us, but men are also to blame for having such high expectations! I'm not some fat slob complaining, I insist I take care of my body but no matter how much I try I'll never look like that, since I have a life and have to go to university, etc, etc. I didn't choose to have small breasts, but everywhere I go, guys aren't shy to mock girls like me with small boobs in favor of our chesty counterparts. I know I have more worth than how I look like, but people ignore it if you're not a supermodel. I know my boyfriend would find sex a ton more enjoyable if I looked like his fantasy girls he gets off too, I mean I know getting off is normal, but i hate that he lusts after women I'll never look like. I'm not gonna fool myself, he just has me 'cause it's what he could get physically, but if 10 out of 10 of the girls he watches are perfect, then why would I delude myself thinking that actually he really prefers my body type, YEAH RIGHT. Plus now that I've shed some pounds he made a comment on how I look better, but unfortunately my breasts are smaller, and is there something I could eat to make them bigger? Gee, the nerve, of course I told him that nothing will make them grow... and I asked him if he'd like them better if they were bigger and he said yes.Now I feel inadequate and on top of it have to deal with it alone, since it's obviously my problem and no one else's. I'm sure I wouldn't mind my boobs if it weren't because of all the sexual objectification in the media nowadasy, honestly guys, how do you expect to not feel insecure with all this crap on TV and billboards? Ugh, and your drooling faces.Sorry if I come off as offensive and rude, but I'm just sick of it and with seeing the type of forums my boyfriend visits and my moronic classmates today I just feel even worse.
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female
reader, bitch  +, writes (13 November 2009):
I have small breasts and one is actually bigger than the other. I am far from beautiful when I am naked. But my boyfriend thinks I am absolutely beautiful with my little uneven 34A's and my big butt. He tells me I am sexy. He said I am absolutely perfect in his eyes. So I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I also think I am beautiful as well. I don't judge myself by the size of my breasts or how perfect they are, I just know that I am a beautiful person inside and out no matter what! If you think you are beautiful then you ARE.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Tisha=1 that was very articulate. I understand where this girls insecurities can develop. I have been through alot in my life. When I am at work, I see all these pretty girls and think I will be single the rest of my life, because guys have soo many pretty , smart girls to chose from.The girls are coming into work with short skirts on low cut tops. I have the shape to wear these clothes, but think it is unprofessional. MOst of the time the guys do not even turn thier heads Is this true or are we not thinking clearly? Or do guys feel they have tons of hot women to chose from? Deep down I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My husband never once looked at anyone but me. He made me feel so beautiful. Lastly regarding your comment of the 60 year old. My mother married a man 13 years younger than her, he looked like a model and adores her after thirty years of marriage. She would have cared less if they saw the models, they could have been naked and she would have laughed. However, her husband shows her though his actions that he is in love with her..
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): I struggle with the same issues as you because women are over sexualized uin the media. It is happening to the guys now but we have had to endure it for a long time. I wanted to respond to your comment about guys lusting for you more. I am a natural 36 DD size 6 , (I have been told very attractive) educated women. The last guy I dated was not lusting after me at all. I could have walked past him naked and it would be no big deal. I get attention but am very single and lonely. The man I was with barely got aroused with me. I want you to know that so you can try and work on the issues you have. I understand.
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male
reader, RosesAreRed86 +, writes (27 October 2009):
No, absolutely not. Don't worry about your breast size. The guys who would judge you on things like that are not worth your time as they are not interested in you but are just interested in using your body as a sex-toy. Don't be some guy's sex toy. Find a man who respects you for who you are and likes you as a whole.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): It's not that it's just I see more guys being mean to girls about their bodies, as I said, like my moronic classmates. I've never seen girls mocking guys openly, although I'm sure there are moronic girls too, I do admit most girls do judge guys unfairly on other useless stuff (like how much money he makes).
I see way mor esexualization of female bodies. And it's discouraging to see guys criticizing some perfect models... if that's the case then what about us normal girls? Yikes... and I'm only 21, I should be at my hottest now, but no, because guys prefer implants.
I guess I do hate my body a lot and I am indeed angry at my boyfriend... and there are triggers like my moronic classmates. I just wish I was more fortunate in the looks department, I know, how vain and stupid but I'd just wish to experience what it feels like being hot, because guys don't ever look at me twice! And I said I do take care of my body, the best I can fit into my schedule, which is 30 min of cardio every day and strenght training 3 times a week.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 October 2009):
 You are missing the point here. Code Warrior was illustrating a point. If you didn't want other people's input, then what are you doing on an advice site? I'm really curious why the only feedback you've given is to tell a very good aunt/uncle here to go away. What is it that you want us to tell you?Yes, the sexualization of societal media images sucks. It's awful that breasts are often how women are judged. You poor thing. He's a beast. Men are pigs.Is that the input you were looking for?I'm sorry, I'm struggling to be polite here, as you are being rather rude. I know you're here with a problem. We're all here to try to help. I though Code Warrior's input was worthy, clearly you didn't want to hear about any MALE point of view, so perhaps you should have specified that. Or could have been a little more graceful in expressing your complete indifference to an aunt/uncle who took the time to read your question, think about it and give you an answer that was designed to help you cope.I too hope you find the help you are seeking. Goodbye.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Good God, people!
I said I WASN'T INTERESTED IN OTHER GUYS. If other guys have issues with their bodies, fine. But I don't care. My boyfriend doesn't have issues with his body, so what's the point in me worrying about other guys who have body image issues, if I'm not dating them? I'm dating my boyfriend, not other guys. The point is, my boyfriend is quite confident in his body, so it's of no consolation that other guys struggle with their body image, just as my boyfriend doesn't care about other girls who're feeling like I do, because he's not dating them, he's dating me.
And I did read his last two paragraphs, thank you very much.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 October 2009):
I'm sorry, is that a response from our poster? You just told Code Warrior that because he's a guy, you're not interested in reading his advice? Is that right?
If that is the case, then this isn't about your breasts at all. If you won't read a man's very good and wise advice, you're obviously angry at your boyfriend. For some reason, you can't articulate that, and instead blame your breast size and men and society in general. Why can't you just say that you hate that he looks at large breasted women, told you he would like your body better if your breasts were larger, and you are feeling angry and insecure?
Because you probably didn't read them, here are CW's last two paragraphs. I wish I had written them: "In the end, it doesn't matter what you look like - there will be some people who like the way you look and some that won't. Truth is, we all lose our looks as we age and if you are with someone because of how they look, then you have only a short window of time to enjoy those looks before they fade away.
"Most people realize this at some point and choose people that they enjoy being with. In the end, that will matter far more than anything else."
One of my regrets in life is not appreciated the body that I did have at the time I was in my 20s and 30s. Here I'm facing 50 with all the issues that go with a body that age, and for some reason, I love my body now. I would love to go back in time and reset my 20-something little brain to be happy and proud of the body I had then. You have that opportunity now, as you are questioning this right now. God, don't let this moment pass you by without you trying to understand that you are perfect as you are. It's your insecurities that are causing you this pain, as well as the anger that you are misdirecting.
You are massively pissed off at your boyfriend. You are ANGRY with him.
I don't blame you. I'd be shopping for a new boyfriend if he'd told me in essence that my breasts were inadequate. So why are you trying to go through this convoluted rationalization?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): CodeWarrior, while I appreciate your input, I know some guys deal with body image problems, but if they feel so bad then they can ask for help too. My boyfriend doesn't struggle with his body image, so I don't care about other guys.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): Trust me I worried and stressed about having small boobs for years but in my mid 20s I finally started to love them. Small boobs are more pert, have a better shape and don't sag. Early on I had a few sexual encounters where guys seemed more than happy but I thought they were maybe just neing nice about my flat chest. Then I went out with someone who kept telling me how amazing my boobs were and for the first time I felt confident. Since hen I've realised loads of men LOVE small breasts.They are a bonus!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 October 2009):
Okay, I promised myself I wasn't going to do this, but I can't help myself.
One of the reasons your question caught my eye was the 'breast size' bit. Look, my younger sister is having her final implants done tomorrow. Yep, she's enlisting in the fake boob brigade. The thing is, this is an army she didn't volunteer for. She was drafted into it. By Stage 2b breast cancer. She had to have surgery to remove the one that had the tumor, and she decided to go ahead and have both removed because she couldn't face a lifetime of dreading mammograms.
So she's gone from this lovely slim A cup now with expanders to a larger size. She said that since she had to have them cut off, the new ones might as well be larger. It took several visits to the plastic surgeon's office, where they inject 60ccs of saline at a time into the expanders. They look good in clothes, I have to admit.
But honey, let me tell you, she would so much rather have her old natural As. They were beautiful just as they were. She looked great, elegant and sleek and slim and fabulous. At NO time did her husband EVER make her feel inadequate or malformed for not having ginormous bazongas. Never. Nor has he ever made her feel like a freak for having boobs that look like Frankenstein's if he'd been a breast cancer survivor to boot.
It's about YOU and it's about you as a couple and him as a part of that team you're supposed to be. Don't settle for less than superb couplehood with a guy and do NOT get your priorities out of whack because you're feeling crummy about yourself right now.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 October 2009):
You're not really damning the entire male species based on your boyfriend, some cranially-challenged knuckleheads in class, and what some idiots write in a porn forum, I hope. You're generalizing to the extreme and allowing it to feed the "poor me I'm not perfect I have horrible ugly nasty flaws and I'm worthless for anything" little bad demon inside you.
Let's set your boyfriend's porn viewing off to the side for a bit and think about what you've said about yourself:
small breasts, not overweight, do cardio, have some cellulite... so you've given this list of flaws, but not one great thing about you. You're so negative about yourself in general, and yet it's your breasts you've decided that need changing?
Sweetie, it's your mindset that needs changing. Yes, I agree, there is pervasive imagery sexualizing women. It's even more available with the internet, and with advertisers and TV shows and films trying to sell stuff to an increasingly overloaded and distracted audience base, my guess is that it's going to get worse.
You're not secure in yourself and in your relationship, and this is part of your unease.
Look, a good friend of mine, who is in her 60s, went down with her husband to Miami Beach for their wedding anniversary. She's an attractive woman, very smart, funny and bright. She reported back to me from Miami, they had picked the week of the international swimsuit model competition to be down there! If she had any insecurities, there's the perfect place for them to play out. Here they are, married a looooong time, she's not getting any younger, there are way more wrinkles and saggy bits and funny spots and crazy veins. What does she do? Does she stress about it? No. Does she freak out? No. She finds the humor in the situation, laughs at the absurdity of being surrounded by bikini-clad hardbodied young women in the best shape of their lives, while she's resigning herself to growing older. She rolls with it. She doesn't look at her husband and worry that he's going to leave her (he's a handsome guy, btw). No, she reports that they both laughed about it and they had a great time. Catch me a couple of years ago in her situation, and I probably would have been very antsy about this. Now, not so much.
I know part of it is the media that you're choosing to view. Magazines, TV shows, movies, games, all these are targeted at specific audiences. They are supported by ad revenues from manufacturers. Manufacturers have to create a need or a perceived need for their product, and to do this, they often try to generate or inflate insecurities. I must use Listerine because I probably have bad breath! My home will smell bad unless I use air fresheners. It's also proven that women AND men like to look at women in magazines. That's why Cosmo is filled with images of women's cleavage and bodies. They're pandering to our insecurities and feeding us the visual junk food that we've decided we can't live without.
You're buying into this in a big way. You're not going to be able to change the world overnight. But you can change the world you inhabit by becoming conscious of your choices and your viewing habits. TV rots your mind, mom used to say. Well, nothing much has improved there. We have celebrity worship masquerading as "news" now and hours and hours of absolutely idiotic programming. You don't have to succumb. You can turn off the television, open a book and enter another world. You don't have to buy the latest issue of "Glamour" or "Self" or whatever mag promises the fastest flattest tummy in 20 minutes a day.
Your body is absolutely fantastic. When you think about all the things it can do and all the amazing things it could do, well, dammit, it's a work of art. I think the supermodel type is like 0.0004% of the entire population, so don't get this notion that you have to look like one. Frankly, if you ever see some of these women in real life, they look kind of strange, because they are so extremely thin and tall and angular. They photograph beautifully, of course, and the hours of make up and post shoot photo editing doesn't hurt either. But they're few and far between. Let it go, there will always be someone younger and prettier and with a better body. It gets worse as you get older, because things do not improve with age and gravity. Sucks!!!!
So examine why it is that you are beating yourself up.
Now, the boyfriend. He actually told you that he'd like your breasts more if they were bigger? He's clearly an idiot. No doubt about it.
The porn viewing I'm not going to freak out about, other than to ask you if he leaves evidence of watching and wanking all around for you to find? Is he kind of flaunting it? Or is he trying to be private about this and you're spying on him?
And you said that he's with you only because you're as good as any woman he'd be able to get????? What the.....? How do you know that? And if you know that, why are you with him? Why are YOU settling for second best? Jeez, girl, you really do have a self-respect issue if you're putting up with that!!!! And that's it, you're letting these feelings of inadequacy eat away at you, you feed them even by watching stuff you know will upset you, observing the male species at their ruttiest, rudest and most men's-tribal-circle-jerkiest. Reading posts on a porn forum!!! OMG, the crap you can read there. [Not unlike some of the crap you read here, but we're cuter.] If you were my girlfriend, I'd take you aside and tell you to stop feeding that insecurity monster you have growing inside you. I'd also make you take a good long look at your boyfriend and have you tell me again what it is that you see in him. Why are you with this guy? What is so special and fabulous about him that you find him worthy of your affection and time and care and attention? 'Splain me that, Lucy.
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A
female
reader, Miss.Love  +, writes (26 October 2009):
Hi ......dont know if this will help but ill try......Im 17 and a uk size 16....I always think im really fat and get really self concious.....because I think most lads want really skinny girlfriends.....My boobs are size d and i HATE them Why you may ask.....because they always get in the way......lads ALWAYS stare at them...and that makes me really uncomfortable.....your lucky that you have smaller boobs...there you body and they probably suit you down to the ground........IGNORE what he says ...if he loved you that much it wouldnt matter to him
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): i think every woman struggles with this issue at some point in their life...too big, too little, not firm enough...whatever. So accept who you are. When you love yourself it is amazing the change in those around you. My husband has always loved my more than b but not quite c breasts. And i have always wished for more. Lol... but as i age, im loving the reaction i get from the male population. Its the confidence and the smile i think...because my body certainly hasnt miraculously changed! ...dump the jerk! There really are guys out there that will make you feel loved and beautiful and perfect. Just as you are. This guy is a rude and obnoxious reproach to real men. Good luck sweatheart.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 October 2009):
I'm a male, and I'll tell you that there is more to wanting to be with a woman that her breast size. There are some guys who do think women should have big breasts and small bodies. But let's be honest, they're the ones who are sat there in front of computer screens staring at porn all day and writing in sad forums. There are a lot of guys who know that women are more than just breasts, or a body. And no, we don't all sit there looking at so called imperfections. My girlfiend is a British size 14 and is always worried that she's fat and asking me how I can lover her. I love her because she's her, and to me she is perfect. You're going out with one of those guys who has delusions about women, so dump him. Then be proud of who you are. There will be a guy out there who will see you and just fall for you as you are. But get rid of that loser boyfriend of yours.
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female
reader, boo22 +, writes (26 October 2009):
 Hi, hope you're ok. Do you live on Venice beach or somewhere? Where i live women come in every shape and size imaginable. Most of these women have sex its reasonable to assume and they don't look like glamour models to me.
When i read your post it builds an image in my head. I imagine the sort of guy posting comments about spots on their asses, probably has very little or no sex himself.
If confronted by one of the girls in these porn sites those kind of guys wouldn't know what do with them and run away.
Your bf on the other hand is just being plain rude to you.
Do you both have a grat sex life or are you just going through the motions?
He seems a thoughtless inconsiderate person and so my bet is he's not the greatest lover in the world.
I'd stop having sex with him. I'd tell him to stop this awful behaviour or your out of here!!
Lastly, tits have nothing to do with sex appeal. My friend has what she calls " two fried eggs " and she's always had men falling at her feet. Its all about your attitude.
I think you can do much better than this guy hun.
Good luck x
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