A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a recently divorced, 40 year old woman who lives in a small town - my former husband and I are good friends, and I am well-respected in the community. In June of '08 I was reconnected with a local man, he's 51, because we have a few activities in common which we are both extremely passionate about. As strong as our likenesses are, our differences are bountiful (I'm very social and active, he's neither - I'm a big spender, he's tight - I am rather attractive, he's average at best, I still like to party a bit, he's been dry for years).As we enjoyed spending a significant amount of time together last summer, I began to notice his behavior becoming somewhat possesive, and his demeanor rather insecure. I asked what was going on, and he told me that he was falling in love with me. I was flattered, but knew that there was a chemistry missing that I simply had to have - I'm very sexual and sensuous and was not at all attracted to him. I told him this, in many more words, but very clearly. Then, one night, I crossed the line. I had too much to drink and he began to touch me, and it felt so wonderful that I let it happen......we had sex. He cared so much for me that his touch was intense - he made me feel really great. For the next several months I let it keep happening, however still was missing passion. Suddenly, I met this other man with whom I immediately connected. I told my "friend" about him and it broke his heart, but he was going to try to understand. I was now carrying on with my "friend", doing the couple of things we had in common, then going to be with my hot, new man at night. My new guy was great - liked to have dinner parties, we traveled, shopped, wined and dined, skied, and really enjoyed being together in a lot of capacities. The lurking problem was this new guys former girlfriend......she wanted him back and was really causing issues between us. I let him go because I felt that he needed to make a choice, and he took the easy one and went back to the woman who he knew would always be there for him (we hadn't reached that point yet). So, long story short, this summer ('09), my "friend" and I got back together. I realized that this man loved me and would do anything for me - always had. I tried so hard to overcome my gaps with him, but then had the opportunity to have a one-nighter and took it, and he found out. I broke his heart again. This time, after a few weeks apart and not talking, we came together and I begged him to move away with me and start our own life. i thought that getting out of this small town would help me meet him in a neutral place where I could get past his quirks and escape the social pressures I have here. His job won't allow him to leave for another few years.So, we grew apart this fall.........the disatisfaction of our relationship was becoming mutual. I met a man playing golf and felt there was potential, so I told my "friend" that I wanted to be the one to tell him before our small town gossip got to him. I haven't seen or talked with him since (only 2 weeks, but......).I miss my "friend". I miss his care - I miss his friendship - my children miss him - I'm lonely - I'm sad. What is wrong with me? Why do I need the sexual piece so badly? Don't get me wrong - my "friend" is not a good kisser - not even close.....he's smaller in stature than any man I've ever been with......he's socially unaccepted, for the most part, unless he's with a red-neck clan. He's also somewhat hurtful with what he talks to other people about - he never called me any names, per se, but has eluded to my personal habits in a less-than-positive light before. I have never spoken ill of my "friend" and have supported him to people whom had other opinions of him.So, again, what's the problem? Can this be overcome? I know I crossed a line last year, but had I not I never would have known. We love each other, but we can't be together in any capacity..........is that the deal?
View related questions:
divorce, got back together, insecure, kisser Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2009):
It sounds like he really is just a friend and nothing more. I think you would do far better and feel better if you found some hobbies where other men are, and socizlied a bit more. You'll find other men. I wonder if you're just going with this guy for nothing more than because you feel lonely? Maybe there are some things in your life that you should discuss with a cousellor? But I would certainly try to find some hobbies and get out and about. You'll feel much better for it. :) Lots of luck.
|
